How do I get my husband to stop worrying?

Question

My 14 year old step-daughter began dating two weeks ago. Nothing big, he'd just come to the house, with my husband watching them. But on Friday the two of them went to the movies(the boyfriend's mom drove and was in the theater next to theirs). All that time my husband paced in the living room waiting for her to return.

I know he's having a tough time right now letting his little girl date, but he's been really mean to her boyfriend(yelling at him for sitting next to my step-daughter and letting him know other things that dads say to scare off boyfriends)and I'm not feeling too confortable with this and neither is my step-daughter. We were talking today and she said "I know I'm young and I'm his little girl, but I'm not dumb. I wouldn't do anything stupid and if he has a problem with me dating then why does he let me?"

She's talked to my husband numorous times about this(all calm and soon turn to yelling screaming fights that end with a door slamming or an "You don't understand!"). And I'm always dragged into the middle. On one point, my husband has a very good point: a lot of things can happen. Yet my step-daughter has a point she's resposible and smart and someone's always around on their dates so it's not like their going to do anything(I saw them kiss, but it was just one innocent kiss). I really trust my step-daughter and so does my husband, he's just a worrier.

I don't want to keep on being dragged into the middle. What should I do? My step-daughter's mom isn't really in her life so I can't get help there. It's really hard on the whole family with this fighting and my step-daughter feels their is a double-standard because my 13 year old daughter is aloud to date(the same kind of dates as my step-daughter, don't question my parenting).

Please help me! Every day there are these fights and there are some my younger children shouldn't hear(my husband will yell "Your going to end up pregnant!" and my step-daughter yells "I'm not having s*x!", not very appropriate for my 1 1/2 year old and 6 year old).

PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

Hello!

Set some ground rules.

No closed doors,

Be home by ____ PM,

Don't stray very far from home,

And so on.

Then, let her know what will happen if she breaks these rules, such as:

Grounded for ___ day(s)

She can see people, but she can't leave the house unless for school

As for the s*x thing, your husband will just have to learn to trust, and know that your daughter is a responsible girl.

Answer 2

In my opinion 13 and 14 are too young to date anyway.  No one at those ages are responsible enough to face what can happen on a date.  Neither one of these CHILDREN should be dating period.  

Answer 3

I think the 3 of you need to sit down and have a conversation,

set some rules and guidelines.

maybe different cerfew when she is with him

no closed doors if they are in her bedroom

must check in every hour when with the boyfriend

once these rules are set they really should be the same for both the 13 y.o. and the 14 y.o. as it would be extremely unfair for the 14y.o. to see her younger step sister having more freedome to date then her, given they both have nither lost your trust.

Answer 4

In my opinion, you should re-assure your hushband, tell him you were young once! and explain that all young girls date boys, and you need to give her some freedom and trust, if she breaks your trust, you then start to worry, and punish her, but not until. He needs to give her the freedom she needs to grow up.

And, Suggest adult talks, where they sit calmly and discuss issues, rather than shouting at each other, as its not fair for you, and your other children to be hearing it all the time.