How do I get my mom to listen to me?

Question

I've tried everything but nothing helps.It seems like she's always insulting me or treating me like I'm in kindergarten.I've explained it and explained it and all she does is lay a guilt trip on me about how I make her feel so horrible but she doesn't know that she makes me feel horrible and unloved. I don't even remember the last time she gave me a compliment.

Answer 1

Well ask your mom if she will sit down and talk for a little while. Tell your mom how you are feeling and ask her to please not interrupt you. Then let her explain how she is feeling. Hopefully you guys will compromise and try to do your best to fix your problems.

Answer 2

Hey there,

I feel for you. I'm an adult now, but I had a similar relationship as you with my mom. As long as I needed and saught her approval I would never have peace. It was simply not in her nature to be a listener or compassionate. I had to let go of the need for her approval and know that who she thinks I am DOES NOT DEFINE ME. I learned that I had nothing to prove to her.

It sounds like your mom is toxic if she's insulting you. I'm really sorry.

In addition to letting go of the need for her approval/understanding, it might be helpful to find a "mom of choice". That is, find a woman that is older, and supportive the way you wih your mom was, and get what you need (the support of a loving mom) from your mom of choice.

There are simply some people in the world that aren't capable of giving you what you need (unfair i know) or understanding or are willing to be open to listening to you.  

You are lovable - you know this deep down.

It is really hard when in your situation. I've seen many softly abusive behavior in some parents and it just boils my blood. But I have to tell you that it's unlikely that SHE will change. YOU have to be the one to change how you deal with her.

I wish you well!

PS - no matter how "adult" I was in my communications or negotiations or listening to her, it did not help her be open to listening or understanding me without somehow insulting me or making me feel bad.

To this day, she still does it and I am 39 years old! The difference is that I can just let it roll right off of me, and I can keep physically and emotionally distant... in fact I feel a little sorry for her.

Answer 3

well you should listen to whatever your mom is telling you without intrupting her at all and when shes done lecturing you ask her if you can tell her how you feel and then tell her like that.