How do I get my parents to stop threatening to kick me out?

Question

I am 21 years old, and I went away for school for a few months when I first graduated high school. Then, I came back to live with my parents because my mom got sick, and I needed to come take care of her (because my father is only concerned with work, smoking, and gambling). I'm only staying here while I finish up school now. There are no dorms. I'm going to the cheapest school I could find since I'm paying for it myself.

I don't have much of an option, though. I only have a part time job because part of my parents' deal for letting me stay here is that I have to babysit my nephew almost every day (and my sister does not pay me). I am saving up every ounce of money I get. I'm buying the cheapest food and clothing I can find. The issue is that I cannot get a full time job to save up money so I can move out because I have to babysit all the time. I don't even have a social life.

I clean their house all the time, I don't touch their stuff, I babysit like they ask me to, and yet every time one of them gets just a little pissy about anything that's going on in their lives, they're telling me to move the f**k out.

How do I get them to stop that!?

By the way, I know my mom would never throw me out, but my father and I are anything but close and he's doing everything he can to try and get her to kick me out onto the street.

Answer 1

Find out the market value of the sitting and the rent and do the math.*  I bet you are getting a raw deal.  Get your ducks in a row and MOVE!  I think they are abusing you, and it's now time for you to make your move.

Good luck in this.  You might suffer at first, but the situation sounds BAD!  Go the craigslist and find cheap rent and a roommate to get launched, but get the heck out of there.

* Where I live, child care charges $20 if the parent is late, then $5 per minute after the deadline.

Answer 2

You need to find a room to rent from a stranger or become someone's roommate.  Unfortunately while you are living with your parents you kind of have to do what they want.

Answer 3

It seems like there is more to the story than what you are telling us.  You first say (How do I get my parents to stop threatening to kick me out) then you say I know my mom never would throw me out and you and your dad aren't close.

If you are doing all that you say you are doing they wouldn't be threatening you.

Perhaps you should quit school for a while, earn some money and get a place of your own and then go back to school. You probably didn't want to hear this. Good Luck to you

Answer 4

I feel for you, it sounds like your mother needs you and your father wants you to be the one to take care of her so he is off the hook to do what he wants.  You didn't specify HOW sick your mother is - if you left would she be lost?  

You need to talk with your mother about how your father is treating you so you know where you stand with her.  Sounds like she also has made the threat and you need to know what she means by it.  Will she be willing to stand up to your father and come to your defense if he does attempt to make good on throwing you out?  I know my mom wouldn't have - she wouldn't stand up to my dad for anything.  I had a similar situation - so I kind of understand where you are coming from.  Sounds like you are the only one that will help your mom.  Maybe arrangements could be made for you to be more of a part time caregiver for her and you could move out.  

You must have a conversation with your sister about child care.  Family should help each other out but not take advantage of each other.  Your sister should be paying you a salary for daycare and you should make an agreement with your parents to pay rent.  This way there are no "if you don't do this I will kick you out" discussions.  If they won't agree with that then I would say you need to move out and get a job that will still allow you to help your mom and attend school - and your sister can see what it is like to pay nearly $200 a week for childcare.  

I know it is hard - you want to please your family and take care of them but I have been through it - sometimes you have to take care of yourself!

Answer 5

Well, does sister live there as well? Or does she have her own place?

If she lives out away from there, tell her you'll continue babysitting for free.. IF she allows you to move in with her. That way you won't be doing it for free.. but for room and board.

If that isn't an option, time to stop fighting with dad and start talking to him. You're grown.. you know how to carry on civilized conversations, right? Ask dad what it is he doesn't like about you so badly, that he wants you gone. It's possible it's something that can be worked on, and made better. For instance, maybe he acts resentful toward you because of the fact that the two of you aren't that close, and he wishes it to be otherwise.

All in all, if you don't want to try either of those things, time to tell sister you need a small payment for sitting, that can be saved up so you can move out. Preferably sooner rather than later.  

Answer 6

get out and make friends

Answer 7

You can't stop people from saying what they want but you can address it and tell them how you feel about what they're saying and why you're there in the first place and why you do what you do [cleaning,cooking e.t.c] maybe then your mother will help your father understand all that you do.  

Answer 8

fill out job applications and when you get a full time job, just move out

Answer 9

That's a tough situation. My only suggestion would be to stay far far away from your father. Maybe sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your mom sometime, and do your best to stay very calm. Tell her exactly what you're feeling, and say that babysitting for your nephew doesn't leave you with any time to earn any money by way of getting a job. So it's not really your fault that you can't move out. Maybe talk to your sister about paying you for all you do for her?

I pay $125 a WEEK for my son's childcare. (it's the best place around. and although it's expensive, I couldn't bear to leave him anywhere else.) That's $500 a month. And whereas that's not very much in the way of supporting yourself, anything would be a start.

Communication is always the best policy when it comes to loved ones, even when they're being jerky to you. :)

Answer 10

You're doing everything and more than I would require you to do.  I have a 19 year old that does less and has a smart mouth, man I wish you guys could be roomies!   Maybe mine would learn a thing or two from you.  Seriously, keep your attitude humble and quiet, don't start anything, don't talk back, try to fly under the radar.  It is completely unfair how they are treating you and you need to make other arrangements as soon as possible.  What does your sister have to do in order to live there (I'm assuming she may)  Why does she get free childcare?  Child care is pretty expensive and I bet you could pay rent on what you'd make if you were at a job.  You may be poor for awhile, but the peace you would have if you moved out would be SO SATISFYING.  And good for you for getting that education.  You should give yourself a brownie button, no kidding.   Peace Out Girl.  

Answer 11

Get a full-time job, then get your own place.  Or, keep the part-time and get a roommate.  You need to go.