How do I get my partner's children to stop calling our baby (their half-brother) *it*?

Question

(As in "Daddy its crying", "It can't make up its mind what its doing" etc.

I keep saying, "he's a he not an it and he has a name" but I am losing patience now! (they are 8 and 13) My partner just says - "Ah they don't mean anything by it" well thats a maybe but its bloody annoying, even my 4 year old Niece calls him by his name!

Btw, baby is 5 weeks and they spend quite a bit of time with him,

Answer 1

They are old enough to understand what they are saying. It perhaps is time to sit them down and ask them if they would like to be called "it". Ask them why they are saying it. Each time they don't refer to the baby with his name, just remind them, by saying the baby's name in the reply rather than pointing out what they have said. know it sounds patience testing, but they are testing you and you need to be above it. It may be easier said than done, especially when you are probably tired as well. Good luck.

Answer 2

They can obviously see that it annoys you so they will keep doing it.  If you stop saying anything i reckon they will not find it fun anymore as it wont be winding you up.  It's their little bit of power and they are enjoying it.  Kids are funny they may not like that their dad is with someone knew and maybe they feel insecure that he will want to see and be with his "new family" and not them.

I should imagine it's somewhat of a jealousy thing too.  I suggest you either ignore it until they grow up as they are only embarassing themselves or get your partner to sort them out and actually back you up, as he should.  

Answer 3

Like you said - they're doing it without thinking.  They are not being malicious.  Let it go.  The baby is only 5 weeks old.  When the baby is a little older and interacts more with the kids, they'll change how they address the baby.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

their kids, who cares, they are probably doing it to ring your chimes. don't let them. remember its easy for you (an adult ) to win against them , but then your a bully.

Answer 5

Make them show him respect as another human being and ask them how they would like to be referred to as "it" (even if at the time they were too young to be aware of the fact).

Make sure that your partner backs you in this simple courteous behaviour and if they do not comply punish them - it is a matter of instilling basic good manners as far as I am concerned (and respect to you as the parent (of *all* of them) too.

Best wishes,

                        Joan.  

Answer 6

spank the little brats

Answer 7

Tell your partner and let them know that it really bugs you and he needs to talk to his children about it.  He wouldn't like it if your kid called his children "its".  They will more likely listen to him then to you.  That's what I would do.  Also say if you can't say anything nice or call the baby by his name then don't anything at all.  My 3 year old son calls our baby by his name.  They are just doing it probably becomes they don't like that he gets attention and they know it pisses you off.

Answer 8

Give them to read Stephen King's "IT". That way, they'll know that IT is scary, and they'll stop and be afraid of him.

:-p

Don't really mess your kids that way..

Answer 9

i would just ignore them,and they will probably stop.they are just trying to wind you up.

Answer 10

At 8 and 13 they are old enough to understand that calling a baby "it" is really disprespectful. Explain this to them. Tell them they need to start using his name. Talk to your husband. He really should support you on this. I'm sure he doesn't want to raise his kids to be disrespectful of other people.

Answer 11

well babies don't have much in the way of gender-defining characteristics so I think its perfectly natural.  

Answer 12

If it makes you feel any better, my 21 year old nephew calls my baby it! He says "is it ok?".....hello?! He's 21 and should know better!

Answer 13

Find out if there is an issue concerning the child that bugs them..those ages are known for button pushing..give them a memory boost make them write it 100 times and add fifty every time they "forget."  try calling them it .. them..those two..that kid ..see how they like it the little.....

Answer 14

I would talk to the thirteen year old if I were you. At his age he is old enough to know better and it's likely the eight year old is following his example. Whether or not he is accepting of his new brother, he should be acting more mature.

Answer 15

You sound just like us! My daughter calls our month old twins "thing 1 and thing 2." (I know it's a bit different, but pretty much the same). What we did first was this: Each time she called Owen or Oliver anything besides their names, we would subtract one dollar from her allowance. That really didn't work, so each time that the said it, she would lose two hours of TV time. That finally got to her. She has lost about 3 days of tv all together, and has near no allowance for the next month. LOL. Hmph, works for us, saves us money and gets her off the couch. Just lay down the law, you're in charge--not them!

Izzy

Answer 16

Its nothing to do with resentment, their only kids im sure they mean no harm, dont you think youre over reacting a wee bit...

Answer 17

Give them into trouble and show them you mean it!

Answer 18

It'd be hard for any child to accept there other parent is moving on and starting another family. A new baby causes jealousy and dilemnas amongst older siblings. Given time i'm sure they'll come to terms that the new arrival is here to stay, that he's a boy and has a name just like everyone else. Give it a couple of months and i'm sure it will settle down!  

Answer 19

Sit down with them and help them make up nicknames for the baby that they like. Every older child has a nickname for their siblings. That way you can help choose a cut name. Let each have their own name if they can't decide on one. Other wise it will go away soon. I don't think they mean any harm, just a little jealous probably.

Answer 20

It sounds like they resent the baby and by refusing to call him by his name or the proper pronouns they are showing resentment in a way that they know will annoy you. It sounds like your partner maybe a little prejudiced about the kids attitudes but in a way he has the right idea. By not reacting to the kids attitude you show that you have the upper hand. i might suggest getting some family counseling. Blended families always have problems and it sounds like yours are just beginning.

Good Luck!