How do I get my son James to understand just how rude it is not to send thak you cards for graduation gifts?

Question

He had a party in mid june and recieved about 120 guests who gave him a total of $3,000. I have always been big on manners and he is generally a very good kid. He needs to do this himself, and not expect me to do it for him. It is now the end of July and he has not done it yet! I am disgusted and embarrassed that he is being so lazy at this. I am posting this question to all of you that want to answer and then I am going to hang all of your answers on his bathroom mirror, I think this is the only way he will get on the bandwagon if people other than me let him know how ungratefully rude this appears. Thanks for your help!!!1

Answer 1

James, I was asked by a pastor to provide the music for his wedding. He got married in another state- 8 hours from my home. I provided my own way there, hotel for several days, food, transportation to the church and back. This was my 'gift' to them and I did not charge them a dime.  I spent about $500 for the trip and planning the music, etc.  I never received a thank you note for my contribution. I was very hurt.  I never said anything about it, but the experience changed how I deal with people.  Please don't allow people who have shown you love how callus and uncaring you are by not responding to their wonderful gifts.  It does not take that long to write thank you notes.  It's honorable and shows you have been taught manners.  Remember this old adage: 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

Answer 2

James,

     All those wonderful people took the hard earned cash out of their pockets and handed it to you because they are proud of your accomplishment.  What an amazing feeling that all of those people recognized what a terrific young man you are.  You need to acknowledge the effort that these folks made on your behalf and let them know how grateful you are for what they did for you on that day.  Be Man James!

Answer 3

Where is the money?  James shouldn't be allowed to spend any of that money until the cards have been written.  There are also consequences for one's actions and inactions so, perhaps, James shouldn't be allowed to go anywhere (except work, church and family events) until the notes are written.

Answer 4

People who don't say thank you will find out that, eventually, there is no reason to thank anyone anymore. In other words, people will remember that he was not grateful for the gifts and just decide not to give any more gifts in the future or extend any other kindness.

What this means is presents dwindle for birthdays, holidays and other big events (college graduation, new job, wedding). And people who might have been willing to lend a hand with a job reference or special project aren't willing because they will remember he won't appreciate their efforts.

Grateful people will find they have more friends and all kinds of nice things happening to them lifelong. People who are not grateful get a reputation for being not nice and people won't go out of their way to do anything for them.

And, it's not enough to send some people thank you notes and skip others.... word will get around about that and the people who didn't get notes will be really annoyed at what is perceived to be an intentional insult.

Does that help?

Answer 5

Tell him his guests are asking for their money back as they received no thanks for it.

Answer 6

Remind him that other gift-receiving events are on the horizon - college graduation, wedding, etc., and that people who don't receive thank you cards  usually don't bother with a gift the next time.

Answer 7

Take away each and every gift until he sends a thank you card for them.  Then you can give each gift back as soon as the card for it is mailed.

Then let him know the reason you've done this is because not sending thank-you cards is rude and makes him look ungrateful.  People won't want to give him any more gifts if they don't receive any kind of appreciation.

You're just trying to get him used to that by taking them away.  It's a glimpse into the future, an illustration of cause and effect.

Answer 8

It is rude to not thank someone for a gift they give you. How would you feel if you gave someone a gift and they did not thank you for it. I think you should send them a thankyou card, its the least you can do. $3000 is a lot of money. And you did not have to work for it. There are lots of people around the work who will never make that kind of money in their life time and you should feel blessed. A thankyou is priceless, and is a small act of kindness that can go a long way. If people see you are grateful, they are more willing to help you out down the road.

Answer 9

Since you are posting this to James I will direct this to him.

James, your mother is right about sending thank you cards. The people who sent you gifts did so because you invited them to celebrate your graduation. They took the time to come to your party and gave you gifts that they did not have to. The least you can do is show your appreciation for their thoughtfulness.  By not sending "thank yous" you are showing them that you really don't care that they did this for you and that you don't respect nor appreciate their efforts. Your mother did not receive the gifts - you did and you're old enough to behave like an adult.

Get off your rump and get to writing.

Answer 10

James,  Come on man.  People were kind and generous to you and all you have to do is write a thank you note to them.  If you are faced with 120 notes to write, break it down into chunks and do 20 every day.  You'll be done in just over a week.  Don't let these good folks think you are just another ungrateful young person.  Break the stereotype, my friend.

Here's an example if you should need it:  Dear _____, Thank you so much for the ___________ for my graduation.  I really appreciate your thinking of me.  Thank you again, Love James.

Or, if you received money (it's not nice to directly refer to money in a thank you note):  Dear _____, Thank you for the generous graduation gift.  I really appreciate you thinking of me.  Thank you again, Love James.

Answer 11

My nephew printed out a generic thank you note on copy paper, scribbled his name on the bottom and had his mother address the envelopes...I decided at that minute that I would never give him another gift and I haven't for more than 5 years now.  He was rude and ungrateful.  Imagine a person having to work for his money and then giving some of it to someone who didn't have the courtesy to even say thanks...not only do people give their money on occasions like graduations, they give the time they took to earn that money to them too.  Tell your son that he should shape up and do what's right.

Answer 12

A timely thank you note takes very little effort and makes a very good impression. No thank you note makes a terrible impression. Your son can count on getting fewer and cheaper gifts from now on, and may have already acquired a reputation as a lazy ingrate.

Answer 13

First off your a wonderful mom for teaching your son the way of life.

James money does not grow on trees,the money you got was from people who worked hard for it,and was proud to see you accomplish a great thing,so stop being selfish and let them know how grateful you are.I'm sure you would have been pissed if you had not gotten a dime so come on wake up hit yourself in the head with that diploma and get to sending out cards buddy.Congrats to you also.Good job now man up.

Answer 14

James,

Not one person was obligated to give you anything. They did so because they are kind and generous, and they care about you. The absolute least that you owe them (yes, you OWE them) is a written thank-you for what they have given you.

I have young people in my family that do not believe in thanking people for gifts. Want to know how we resolve it? They get no more gifts. If you would like to be in that position, just continue your current behavior.

Answer 15

He needs to get those thank you notes out today!!  That is very inconsiderate not to thank those people.  

My son also graduated this past June.  What I did is I set the list of people, notecards, and a pen on the table and I said--get to it!

If it's too overwhelming to do all of them at once.  Break it up into chunks.  Maybe 10 a day?

Answer 16

My mom will stop at nothing to teach me a lesson!  This is the funniest thing she has ever done to REEM me a new one!

She is sitting here smiling and I am on my way to walmart.........to buy yeah thank you letters!  I guess I will be spreading some ink while she goes to the lake cabin!!!

Thanks, James