How do I get my son to accept no for an answer?

Question

I'm married with three children ages 5, 10, and 13. My 13 year old son has on a couple of occasions asked me to do something and if I tell him no, he will go to his friend and her mom will call me and I feel put on the spot and end up giving in. That makes me so mad. I don't know why I have a problem saying no to her. He does many things, so it's not like I say no all the time. I just don't know how to say no and have them respect that.

Answer 1

Be very firm in that no answer and while you do not have to give your child a reason for your answer, sometimes it helps them to understand why you are saying no. If he still goes to his friends mom, next time instead of immediately giving in, you need to explain to her the same thing. Let her know that you already told him no and explain to her why. Also, just to nip things in the bud, I would explain to the mother that while you do appreciate her calling to verify your answer that from no on the answers will be given directly to your son. She'll more than likely take the hint that you don't appreciate your son running to her everytime you tell him no.  

Answer 2

You have to stand up to this woman! Your son is YOUR son. You can just say no. That's it. Make it final. And just tell her that. Just say that you'd like her to respect your wishes and that you know what is right for your son. She'll back down. Don't let her keep making points after you say this! If she keeps trying to sway your decision, just say the same exact thing. "I'm not going to budge on this, my answer is still no." She'll get it! Don't be afraid of being put on the spot. There are times when it's okay for your son to do things, and times when the answer is just simply no.  

Answer 3

How to get your son to accept no for an answer? Simple - mean it. Do not waver, and surrender your parental control to his manipulation.

Do not "change your mind" because he chooses to get others involved, that just tells him that that is the way to get around your objections. When you say no and he gets his friends Mum to ring, tell her that you do not like him using her in that way, that you feel it is an attempt by him to undermine your authority, and could she please think before doing that to you? I wouldn't accept someone else's children using me to do that to another parent, and she shouldn't be doing that to you.

Answer 4

if u keep saying yes to his friends mom then every time u say "no" to ur son he'll just go to her instead. tell ur son if he keeps on doing it, he'll have to have some consequences, like no allowance or games or he's grounded or something like that. and tell her to stop spoiling ur child. and tell her it's making it hard for u to deal w/ him.

do not say yes all the time ur child needs to respect ur answer/decision.

Answer 5

I suggest that you go see this woman and have a talk with her. She is undermining the discipline of your son. Tell her that you do not want her to call you and ask permission for your son to do things. He is subject to your decisions, and you do not want her to be in the decision-making process.

Then, talk to your son. Tell him that you do not want any calls from anyone else about what he can do or not. Any calls about this will result in a negative decision on your part. If this persists, he will be grounded or whatever punishment that you and your husband feel is warranted.

Hang tough, and remember that your ten-year-old is monitoring this, too.

Regards,

Dan

Answer 6

He is YOUR son - and when you say no you have good reason.  You have to be firm and tell her - he is MY son - you dont need to get involved - when I tell him no it is for a reason.  Dont worry about them respecting you - they dont know the situation.  Your son needs to accept your answer and respect you,  Stand your ground - and dont let another parent control you.

Answer 7

HOLD UP...IS THIS A MARRIAGE/DIVORCE QUESTION?  

Answer 8

just say yes

Answer 9

I've raised three boys and a girl. No is something that has to be tough just like all the other things you have tough your son till now. Better you introduce him to this now.    

Answer 10

Wow, your son is a player! I'd hate to be one of his grilfriends in a few years' time. I am deducing from your question that you have never actually punished him for involving this unrelated woman in your family matters? I'd start there, then.

Sit him down and tell him that you expect him to respect your decisions. That you will not permit him to bring in 'referees' from outside the family: that his actions are unloving and disrespectful, and the next time you get a call from some interfering stranger, you will punish him by - well, just fill in whatever he'd hate the most. When I want to ram the point home to my kids, I take their computer away. I've only had to do it a couple of times. Now, the mere threat is enough to compel obedience.

Never forget, you are the one in charge. My kids, of course, are always pushing for more democracy, but I just keep reminding them that I'm a benevolent dictator who only tolerates mild dissent.  

Answer 11

Hold on a minute, this is YOUR son not hers. I mean, who is in control here? You are the one to make the decisions for your son and your authority should stand. His friend's mom should stay out of your business. She isn't a good mom in that area either because she should understand that you make the calls because you are the parent. What she should have done was tell your son "You need to do what your mom tells you and when she says 'no', it means NO. So why don't you go home now." Or what ever the case may be. That's what a good parent would have done. There is always a next time when you do say that it is okay to go or what ever the case may be.

You see, your son already knows that you 'give in' so fast. So that's why he uses his friend's mom to get you to change your mind. He sure knows what he's doing. I really think that you should go to his friend's home and talk this out with the mom and explain to her what you are trying to teach your own son. She needs to know that if this happens again, then she shouldn't intrude and she should respect YOUR wishes and not to take the matter into her own hands. No means NO, period. I know it is hard to say NO to your own kids, but sometimes they cannot have everything their way. So, you take control, not other people.

And if your son can't accept your answer, you keep him home and don't let him go anywhere until he understands. Because what he did was uncalled for. It was wrong and very sneaky if you think about it. Don't you think so? And if he throws a fit, then you start taking away his privileges  from him. Btw, where is the father when all this is going on??

Hope this helps you see that sometimes you need to tell another parent NO in a nice way too.

Answer 12

Tell her you can take care of your own business at home and let your son know that telling another person he didn't get his way won't help.  Then tell him no again.

Answer 13

Well you better learn quickly because your son and the NOSY mother are taking full advantage of you.  Some how your son has learned the art of manipulation... and that did not just happen over night.  Not sure what your family dynamics are, but he learned it in the household somewhere.. Maybe  since you are giving in so easily you did this when he was a child and now he knows he can get away with it.  You must stay consistent.  If you say no then it means NO.. It does not matter if GOD calls on the phone to make you give in... You are the Parent... NO MEANS NO... remember Choice and Consequence.  Teach your children that.. If your son continues this, then you need to discipline him. Take away his tv for a week, don't let him play with his friends for a few days, restrict his phone calls. Get tough.. You need to take control, 13 is a very tough age... so it's very important for you to get a handle on this now!!