How do I get my son to concentrate at school?!?

Question

He is 10 1/2, doesn't feel the need to brush his teeth or take a shower, let alone do his homework and do it well. We wrote out a schedule for morning and afternoon. Get up, get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, free time until we leave. Come home from school, do homework, have supper, study time, ask for chores, free time (if earned by doing previously mentioned items) shower, brush teeth, bed.

If I don't remind him to brush his teeth, he doesn't. On the weekend he won't take a shower unless he is reminded, which is aggrevating enough. Throw into the mix he doesn't see the point in doing homework. He beyond stubborn! He gets it stuck in his head that he, for example, doesn't have to re-write the sentence he is supposed to be correcting, he just has to cross out the incorrect letters and punctuation even though in the WRITTEN instructions it says to RE-WRITE the sentence. It's not just that, he does that for almost all of his homework.

Answer 1

Do google search for 'executive dysfunction'

My 18 yr old daughter has this and is the same way.

I have to say though that we never found a way to help her, always had problems like you that escalated every year.

We went to countless professionals that did not help her.

ADHD meds helped some, but not much.

Answer 2

You seem to be doing the right thing. kids do go through a stage at that age, trust me I've had my share of not liking school and the homework thing. all they have on their minds are Play,play,play. This will pass. Just keep on doing what you are doing. He will soon get the hint. Just make sure you stick with it. You may want to talk with the teacher about stressing the fact to him about his homework, he may listen to his teacher. They never listen to us, we are just parents. Your doing great by the way. some parents don't care.

Answer 3

You said that you have been having meeting with the school for the last three years. Have there been any major changes in the last three years? Maybe a divorce? A move? If the change in his work habits is not related to stress because of changes, then it may be time to put your foot down.

When kids get around age ten they don't seem to think they have to listen anymore. Kids seem to get stuck in a place where everything is dumb, especially homework.

Give him incentives for doing what needs to be done but without bribing him.

"Listen Junior, you can have your game back after you have done your homework correctly, and you have taken a shower and brushed your teeth." And don't give in. Take his stuff away every day if you have to to get him to obey. I have had to do that and am still having to do that with my little boy. He is nine and has been giving us trouble since kindergarten. Other than that, I have nothing.

Answer 4

Could it be that he is bored at school? Maybe he's exceptionally talented. I heard that many of those children behave that way, because they are simply underchallenged.

Or he is bullied in his school, or the teachers are simply boring and have no clue how to make a lesson interesting. I would sit down with him and ask him what's the problem and what exactly he doesn't like at school. Maybe one of those liberal antiauthoritarian schools would be an option, he would have more freedom there and probably less homework, if any.

Good luck.

edit: Montessori and Waldorff they are called, I think

Answer 5

My son's only 8 & does the same c**p!!! I know it's aggravating as h**l! If he can concentrate on a game or movie, because HE wants to see it or play it, he can get the work done too. My son just had to learn the hard way. He finally got SO tired of being grounded from games, t.v. , friends, etc, everyday the second he got home, he decided it was much more fun & easier to get done what needed to be (school & home) & be able to do stuff he wanted to. Some boys are just very hard headed. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

I had that problem for a while and we are still improving on it. At school we helped him get things done by changing his reward system. At lunch they could have ice cream, and there were other things they could do for fun like centers(where they can play on computer or games). So we made him a badge and he had to pick three of his favorite things about school then we made a button for each one with a picture on it representing what it was for, ice cream on one button, centers on another, etc. Then we made three stars. When he would get caught doing something he wasn't supposed to then he would lose a star instead of moving his clothes pin. That way he was reminded at all times how many times he was in trouble.  If  he lost all three stars instead of losing recess he would lose what he picked for that week. Once he served his punishment he got all three stars back and it started over. When he got better we took a star away and then when he got better we stopped the stars. We have had no issues of him not working at school. At home i had to learn that taking things away did nothing for my son. I bought a PS3 and the kid was grounded from it for the first three months. I knew I had to find something different that would work. We ended up trying time out and it did nothing. we were adding time if he mouthed when he got in trouble and so on. Then we changed up the rules we would give him time out for everything he did wrong and he would get 5 minutes, if he mouthed all the way to his room so what. But we give him time out for everything. If he mouths, doesn't do his work, fights with his sister, is rude to his sister, etc. He spent all day in his room for a few days because every time he came out he would get in trouble. After about 5 days he realized that I was serious about him being in his room. He changed his behavior alot. Don't slack of though when he starts doing good because he will backslide if he thinks he can get by with it. Our main problem though was or is his relationship with his dad. He has issues with dad that we are working on and that is why he is upset at home alot. Because every where else he has spectacular manners.We have come a long way to getting it worked out. Now the brushing the teeth and bathing thing. Oh what fun. mine thinks if he gets in water then he bathed. I put up a calendar in the bathroom and a marker attached. We pick a prize and write it on the calendar. We do 15.00 to spend, ice cream for supper night, a movie, etc. and we do this monthly not weekly. If he bathes and brushes his teeth then has me check them I sign the chart. If he gets half the month filled he gets the prize. Then we just worked our way up until the chart was full every month. I hope some of the ideas help if not then I tried and remember it takes patience and trying new things until you find what works for him.

Answer 7

Wow!  It sounds like the kid is just plain LAZY!!  My brother went through the very same thing when he was that age.  My mom had to tell him everyday to brush his teeth and take a shower.  She told him until it was in his head that she was going to make him do it anyway so he just started doing it on his own.  He is 17 now and she still has to tell him to clean his room!  As far as the homework goes, i would tell the teachers to start counting the answers wrong unless he does what the directions tells him too.  When he fails a grade or that becomes a possibility, he might think about it!!  No one wants to repeat a grade while all of there friends go on. I would make him aware of this before you do it so he knows.

Answer 8

How much free time does he end up getting in a typical day? I think that it's much easier for kids to concentrate if they also have a lot of outdoor time for running around and getting their energy out, as well as a lot of time for doing what they want to do.  I would think tv and computer might aggravate attention problems, but things like having a playdate or going to the park or riding bikes or drawing or making forts or whatever he likes to do are great for 10-year-olds and may help them to focus more on academic things later.  

IAlso, though 'm certainly not a doctor and have no idea, nor do I like the idea of labeling kids unnecessarily, but you might also look into whether he might have ADD.  It's quite possible he doesn't, but he might, in which case it might help to talk to your doctor.

Answer 9

Sounds to me as if something is bothering him. Have you tried a heart to heart talk, or maybe have him talk to the school counselor? Sometimes it is easier talking to a stranger than it is someone close to you. Maybe there is something going on  with him emotionally that is hard to discuss.

I am sure you will get answers like beat his a**, or ground him or whatever.

Children have feelings too, they stress and worry about things, they have insecurities about themselves. Maybe it is time to get some kind of counseling.