How do I get over feelings of love for my ex?

Question

I was married to an individual that I am still in love with. We divorced after dating for four years and being married for another four when she told me that she was not in love with me, had never been in love with me and just wanted a relationship where she felt something inside. This was three years ago and I am still so sad and heartbroken over the loss of this person from my life. When this happened many mutual friends asked if I thought she was having a relationship with her male assistant at her place of work. She is now in a relationship with this person so this would seem like a real possibility, even though she told me that no one else was involved. I so wanted to at least salvage the friendship but I have not spoken to her in over a year. I've blocked her emails, changed my phone number and have really tried to "just get over it", to get over her, but at some point every day I find myself thinking about and missing her, and the sadness at times overwhelms me.

I know she's gone. I know she is now happy with a person she cares about and in a strange way, I can find feelings of happiness for her and her life but I am so shattered and afraid I will not open myself up to love and trusting in someone again.

I would love to hear from anyone that can identify with my situation and has some words of advice to share.

Peace.

Answer 1

Unfortunately I can relate. Its been over 20 years for me. No I don't spend time moping over it like I used to but it still rattles my cage if I let it. Yes I've had relationships since and some of them could easily be conciderd awesome but no one has ever even remotely made me feel like I felt with her. Regardless life must go on. I'm not giving up and neither should you. I'm involved with a woman now that I think has what it takes to lift me higher than I have ever been. Time heals all things its just sometimes it takes a while.  

Answer 2

u poor thing,it really is hard when ur ex moves on especially when its with some1 they knew when u were 2 gether.my advice is 2 go out on the town and meet other people,works 4 me!!the point of this is 2 find some1 else who will take ur mind off her(not a new relationship tho but a casual mutual relationship)u dont want 2 lead another person on so keep it really casual.also try an focus on the selfish things shes done eg cheating,stayin with u jus 4 comfort and try and b angry about that,myt help u lose those feelings of love

Answer 3

Anybody who tells you that time heals, never really really loved someone who rejected them.  It really hurts.  It doesn't go away, it just becomes more bearable.  It happened to me.  I dated and it kept my mind off of her.  But every time a relationship would end, I would still think of her.  We also have 2 kids together.

Answer 4

The problem is this woman hurt your ego and she took the cowards way out of the marriage by telling you she was just using you and never loved you. Chances are she was cheating on you and that's why she left.

You have been concentrating on all the good times you had with this woman. They weren't ALL good, she wasn't perfect and she probably cheated on you.

You want to get over her? Make your self remember the bad times, the pain she caused you. Make up your mind you are going to start dating other women. Not all women are cheaters. I'm not saying run out and get married to the first woman who is nice to you, but date other women and stop sitting at home and wishing you could have your ex-wife back. Otherwise get on with your life!!!

Answer 5

I am so sorry.  

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel. I recently struggled with these feelings.

I know she was a big part of your life, but the first thing you have to do is get rid of everything that reminds you of her--pictures, items of hers, items she gave you, etc. I know it will be tough, but if you keep these around, it's only going to continue to create false hope that she is going to come back. She isn't, so remove these items.

Second of all, you need to get back into the playing field! This is why she does not have so many feelings of sadness like you do, she has moved on with another guy who occupies her time. Grab some buddies and hit some clubs or bars and meet someone! They dont have to be someone you could marry, but if you get back into the dating scene, I promise you will get over your ex.

I know you may be feeling betrayed, or blindsided by her not being in love with you anymore--but if you continue not opening yourself up and being scared to trust, you are going to feel this way forever. Sure, sometimes things don't work out between two people...and other times, they do work out.

Good luck and put yourself out there, you have nothing to lose!

Answer 7

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF IT THIS WAY. THE ONE THING THAT DRAWS AND TUGS ON YOUR HEART SO STRONGLY MAY BE THE ONE THING YOU GAVE UP OR HAD TAKEN AWAY IN

YOURSELF. THE UNIVERSE WORKS THAT WAY . SPEND TIME JUST IN SILENCE IN NATURE BUT YOU MUST BE FULLY PRESENT, NO DAY DREAMING ABOUT YESTERDAY OR

TOMORROW. YOU MUST LIVE NOW. I HOPE THAT YOU CAN FEEL WHO YOU ARE, YOUR ESSENCE AND YOU WILL SEE HOW AMAZING YOU ARE. YOU ARE CONNECTED TO EVERY ROCK, TREE AND PERSON. LOVE YOURSELF. STAY IN THE NOW! YOU WILL ATTRACT A GREATER LOVE WITHOUT HOLES.

Answer 8

I can relate to your feelings, as I too went through a painful divorce and cannot seem to stop loving the jerk! After 10 years of marriage, several years of fertility treatments, and a whole lot of love, he cheated on me and got her pregnant. My heart stopped the night he told me. It hasn't seemed to be able to beat right since. This was almost 3 years ago. Everyday I wake up thinking I am over him, but always end up thinking of him and how we had such a wonderful life and love, and what a waste it was for him to throw it all away.

Time does not make it go away, but it does dull the pain. You will start to experience life differently and meet new people and soon the person you once were is replaced by this new, stronger person who can deal with more than you ever thought possible. I haven't met any one person special yet, but I know God has a plan for me and I will trust in Him to show me the path I need to take. It is hard because everything happens in His time, not ours. Hang in there, my friend. Things WILL get better....I will pray for you!

Answer 9

That is so sweet and if I weren't already happily married to a guy just like you I would ask for your number. I hurts, but I truly believe that you will find another. Someone so kind with so much love in his heart cannot be destined to live alone. Good Luck and I truly wish you the best.