How do I get over my first love! Will I ever?

Question

I have been in love with the same man for four years now. We never dated, he dated my best girlfriend instead. He always told me he loved me. I have loved before but I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone before, and frankly, these feelings scare me. My friend who dated him moved on, he’s moved on, I’m the only one in this situation that has not moved on. In fact, he’s living with one of his coworkers, and I’ve heard they’re practically engaged. I should not be thinking of him, it’s been too long. But everyday I can’t help myself, I wake up and think of him, what could have been, what never was. And I know logically I should not be hung up on this, but I have never met a man who has been as similar to me,as kind or loyal, or who even liked the same things as me. I’ve tried dating other men, I’ve tried dating men like him. No connection with any of them. And I know I had something with him, we spoke of it briefly, I was never honest with him about my feelings though. He was trying to be honest with me and I was just insecure. And now it’s too late. So what can I do? I know what I’m lacking is closure on this situation, but I don’t even know how to bring it about (everytime I see him we’re never alone). I need advice, how can I get over this? It’s been too long, I need to move on(4 years of unrequited love is ridiculous) Any suggestions? I feel pathetic! Advice would really help, thanks!

Answer 1

meet other poeple or try to get him jealous, the best thing you can do is to call him to meet you somewhere and really talk. You need to explain how your feeling and figure out if he is really into you or else you know try and move on.....

Answer 2

You HAVE to tell him how you feel. Now if you're anything like me, you'll have read that first sentence and yelled "NO WAY!". Honestly DO IT. I was in the exact same position as you a couple of years ago, that's why I felt I had to answer this question. I was having one of those days where I felt c**p about it because I couldn't move on, and I thought he maybe knew how I felt so I was telling myself it would never happen because he probably thought I liked him and hadn't acted on it. Then at about 9pm, I rang him. I never actually used to ring him, we weren't majorly good friends or anything, so the answerphone kicked in cos he was out or something, and I started off by saying something like hey, it's *my name*, I know we never talk on the phone so this message is probably a surprise... then went into this giant rant about how I was in love with him and literally told him everything, and explained I had to get it off my chest so I could give myself some closure, and I would totally understand if he didn't ever want to talk to me again, and this was by no means an invite to get together or anything like that, just me giving myself some closure. Honestly, longest message EVER! Anyway... I had the biggest shock of my life a couple of days after the message. Anyway after a few years... guess who I'm engaged to?  

Answer 3

haha. sweetheart, you are not in love; you are in INFATUATION. love takes TWO PEOPLE. you are fond of this person and nothing else. you are holding on to something that is not OBTAINABLE! you are missing out on the REAL PERSON by focusing on someone who already has SOMEONE ELSE!

wake up and find someone who wants YOU! GOOD LUCK. =)

Answer 4

I see a "My Bestfriend's Wedding" scene here. Find a way to talk to him without sounding desperate like Julia R in the movie. Speak now or forever hold your peace.

Nobody forgets their first love but know that your feelings will change as time goes by. If this guy didn't take advantage of you in anyway I suggest you give up your fantasy about him and remain to be friends with him. Being friends with your first love is something rare and awesome and he will always have respect for you.

Answer 5

I will always have feelings for my first love. that was four years ago and it ended very badly, he wasn't a nice guy, yet i will always have a soft spot in my heart for him. That goes to show you really cant help who you love. You said you have never shared your feelings for him and when he did before you were too afraid to date him. He might have moved on because he thought you didn't want anything with him. you never know unless you tell him. It is very risky to tell someone how much you care for them not knowing what they will say or do, especially if they are with someone new. BUT, you will never know unless you tell him. you have too! i have learned through many loses that you cant hold anything back, if you want to tell someone something you have to do it now. You never know if you will ever get a chance again. He could feel the same way, or hearing him say that he doesn't feel the same way will be a blessing because it will make you feel better inside knowing he feels that same way, or help you move on to another wonderful guy you will fall in love with that will love you just as much back. The feeling of someone loving me as much as i love them is the best feeling in the world