How do I get past this..?

Question

Can we for a brief moment have a decent conversation and get an answer that will not be mean. ???

I know my daughter is 18. but once when she was about 5 I was SO mad at her that I yanked her by her hair and shoved her into the other room..

Sometimes when I am alone, I play this sceen over and over in my mind and think what an evil and rotten person I was.

Even at the time, right after I knew it had been wrong and told her I was very sorry and that I would never do something like again.

BUT still it has stayed with me over the years.

Up until she was in her late teens I made SURE to NEVER lay my hands on her like that again. She got an occisonal swat on the butt BUT nothing more..

BUT still sometimes I can NOT seem to get it out of my mind that I was that evil. What do I do to forgive myself.?

Answer 1

therapy from me email me at [e-mail]

Answer 2

you realise that everyone has these parenting moments they would rather forget. Does she remember it? HAs it scared her for life? I doubt it. My mum smaked me across the face at 15 for giving her a look. (you know those teenage looks lol) well I remember it but do not hold it against her. Only hit I remember.

Answer 3

As a mother of 7 i know how you feel. I have done some things that i am not proud of myself. U learn from your mistakes and the way i deal with it is to advise others who ask you for advise if they are going through similar situations and the best part is you can help your daughter through these things when she has children of her own.

Try not to beat yourself up about it because you are only human. Take it from a mother who has 7 children.

Answer 4

If you're religious I would suggest praying for forgiveness from your higher power and yourself. Has your daughter forgiven you? If not that may be why you still feel guilty. If it continues, you may want to consider therapy as something like this should not plague you for 13 years.

That kind of makes me wonder if my mom still regrets slapping me across the face that hard when I was 7...I doubt she even remembers it. I completely forgive her for it though.

Answer 5

Well, it seems to me you need to connect more with your daughter, you feel guilty because you don't know if your daughter has forgiven you or not, and this means that there isn't enough communication between you, I don't mean the usual Mother-to-Daughter kind of communication, I mean the Friend-to-Friend type.

Get closer to your daughter, get to know her, have her bring her friends home, get to know them as well, share her, and her friends' interests.

BUT: Do keep a safe distance, give your daughter room to feel free, don't let them fell like you're watching her all the time, trust her and let her do whatever she feels like, and along the way, give her advise and correct her path as she makes mistakes, but don't handle a small incident she may make like you're handling a disaster, in return she will turn to you for advise and will open up.

Bottom line is: that little incident has surely affected you more than it affected her, you need to start the healing process from where it started, your daughter, if she has forgiven you then you have nothing to worry about.

Answer 6

Therapy.  Perhaps you need to get it off your shoulders.  It's been 13 years and you should really get past it.  You're not the same person you were back then and you can't keep beating yourself up over it.   More than likely she doesn't even remember, but things like that seem to stick with parents.

Answer 7

Parents make mistakes.  Just as she grew as a child, you grew as a parent.  You need to enlist a good therapist to talk to about this issue, and it might involve taking your daughter with you to a therapy session at some point so that you can be reassured that it has not adversely affected her.

Answer 8

You need closure with this issue. Talk to your daughter and tell her how you feel. Ask her how she feels about it and even if she remembers it. My mother is very abusive and i remember abuse and neglect from as little as four years old. If she doesn't remember, it didn't scar her for life. Apologize to her, give her a hug, and ask her if she forgives you. That should put your mind to rest. A hug and a kiss can reverse your in-discrepancy. She knows you love her and the fact you feel remorse shows that you are not evil. Give yourself some credit.

I say this as a soon to be 18 year old in 3 weeks

Answer 9

Well I think since you were mad at the time you probably weren't thinking like you normally do. But you did say you were sorry to her and if you really did mean it you shouldn't feel guilty. And since you never did it again I think you learned from your mistake.

Answer 10

for starters you are perfectly normal children have a way of stirring up anger in you that you didnt know existed and from time to time we snap but lets be real you didnt kill her and she probably doesnt even remember it i grew up in the eighties in dublin and it was socially acceptable to beat your kids as a method of punishment i got a few flakes of the wooden spoon in my time and it never did me any harm and i certainly dont hold it against my mother dont worry about this its not as a big an issue as you think and certainly not a unique one

Answer 11

You know it sounds to me like you are an extremely good parent. Most parents wouldn't recognize that this wasn't the right thing. But I do know how you feel. I have 2 toddlers and I'm pregnant again. I get so sick that I spend days pucking. In the mean time my little ones are trashing my house and beating on each other. Even when I'm not pucking I dont have the energy to do much. The other day my 2 1/2 year old started screaming bloody murder and throwing hard toys at his little browther and I. One hit Malachi (my youngest) in the head and nearly knocked him out. I flew off the handle. I actually slapped him across the face. Within half a second I was holding him and bawling like a baby.

Just remember that your not alone. Most good parents have had that "aha" moment. It's okay. What's important is that you recognize it and change the act the next time. And you did. And I know I will too.

Good Luck and God Bless!