How do I get people to stop questioning our decision to homeschool?

Question

We've decided to teach our son at home rather than send him to kindergarten. Already people's reactions are annoying me! He WILL be socialized! He WILL learn & NOT be deprived. I need suggestions of what to say to these people that are so concerned/convinced we are making a mistake. (Family, friends, virtual strangers) I have been pressed to DEFEND my choice! I don't want to bash the local schools - that will only make the other person defensive. I guess what I'd like is a polite but effective sentence that would END the conversation....or at least politely convey that I don't care to discuss it. I've already tried "Well, we just feel it's the best choice for our family right now." and they STILL questioned me! Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Ugh, I'm in our second year HS'ing and I get the same thing.  For the most part everyone has been awesome.  Even so much as my kids former teachers praising me for pulling my kids out of public school!  Yet there are some ignorant people out there.  Some are in my family...haha!  The best way I've found to shut them up is by example.  I have my kids play with their "homeschooling hating mom"'s cousins and she can see they are social and a HECK of a lot smarter.  It's the best way to shut her up.  I still get heated about it though....it drives me insane!

Answer 2

You don't.  You just pity the poor souls and go along with your homeschooling.

Seriously - I faced this too, and it just takes time.  My parents are public school teachers, so you can imagine our family reunions!  We're now starting our 5th year (ds started homeschooling when he was 6) and I got it from all sides at that point.  Over the years, though, they've seen that he's doing just fine and that it's not up to them to make our decisions for us.

Just flat out state that what you're doing is the right decision for your son and end the conversation.  If nothing else, point out how incredibly intrusive and rude their questioning is - you don't question their choice to send their kids to school!  Some people will ask why simply because they're curious - which is fine - but some will decide that it's their purpose in life to get your "wayward child" back into school.  Just ignore them, move on, and in time they'll see that your son is just fine. :)

I promise, it gets better!

Answer 3

Be secure in your decision and don't expect them to agree with you. If they ask you questions, ask them if they are doing so because they truly want to learn more or because they are trying to show you how you are wrong. If it's the first, then you can gladly share information with them or tell them that you'll send them some links and book recommendations that they can check into. If it's clear that it's for the second reason, then you just tell them you are unwilling to continue the conversation and that you ask the same respect that you would give them if they chose to do something you disagreed with.

With virtual strangers, you just thank them for their input and walk away. :)

Answer 4

I am now going on my 9th year of homeschooling.  In general, I have found strangers to be far more supportive than they were nine years ago.  Now when people ask why the kids aren't in school, and I say that we homeschool--more often than not, people reply with, "Good for you!"  

The hardest sell was my Mom.  She still isn't convinced, but doesn't need to be either.  She does see that the kids have scored very well on standardized tests, and that is what was important to her.

As for others, my kids are the best advertising for homeschooling that there is.  They are polite, outgoing, intelligent, are interested in a variety of topics, get along with all ages of people up through adults, etc.  People are always commenting on how nice my boys are, and many have changed their views on homeschooling based on them.  In fact, here is a story of what happened when we vacationed on Cape Cod last year.  This woman was going on about how nice my 4 boys were and how fun the seemed and how respectful they were.  I told her that we were homeschoolers.  She said that her daughter and wanted to homeschool her grandkids and she had been dead set against it.  Now that she had seen my 4, though, she was going to tell her daughter that she now got it!  

When I was in California, the California Homeschool Network put out a publication called "When Your Grandchildren Homeschool."  It was made for people to give to their relatives that discussed homeschooling and gave a lot of information to extended family as to why homeschooling would be a good idea, and also how they could support the decision and be a part of it all...

I just found it on this page.  You need to scroll down a little:

http://66.84.19.30/cgi-bin/plugins/Merch...

Answer 5

The proof of the pudding is the kids themselves, but that will take time.  Usually the questioning is most intense prior to actually homeschooling because people are sure you must be having momentary insanity and that they can talk you out of it before that first day of school.

  I just smile disarmingly, shrug my shoulders, and say "call me crazy, but I really think homeschooling is going to work for us!  But we will see how it goes this year".

  Eventually people will see you out and about in the community, your kids will be on the same soccer teams, art classes and camps and they will notice how many homeschooling activities you are doing(if you find a group) and they will accept that yes, you are doing something weird, but oh well, everyone seems to be doing okay.

   I also make a point of always asking about other people's children and how they are doing in school, what neat projects, great teachers, field trips, etc they have or have done.  I never talk about all the cool things we do at home unless they ask because everyone will instantly assume you are bragging and become defensive.  I also try to find the common ground of the day to day triumphs and aggrevations of raising children, because children are children no matter where they are schooled!

     It will get easier once your child actually misses that bus the first day of school!  Good luck!---

Answer 6

You can't, and should not expect to.  Homeschooling at elementary levels is fine; at middle school is marginal, and at high school level is deficient.  Your present response is fine.

Answer 7

Send your kid to school!  Seriously... I have yet to meet a kid who was homeschooled who is right in the head.

Answer 8

Simply ask them to "pass the bean dip".  I.e. change the topic.  Do not leave it open for discussion, do not defend your choice because it IS your choice and it is already made.

Be firm about it.

I have been homeschooling from the time my oldest (now entering fifth grade) was entering Kindergarten-well, younger actually but that is how long we have been officially homeschooling.  We encountered this same sort of scenario.  If you allow them to do it now, it will continue and it will be harder to stop later.  

After you start homeschooling, if you so choose you can start a newsletter of sorts from family and friends.  Once a month send out a little bulletin with pictures of your son in various activities and outings, and maybe mention some of his favorite things he learned.  We do something similar and call it our school newspaper.  It helps keep them up to date, and I can provide what I want to and there is no room for discussion because it is written.  It is a very positive way to provide information.

I wish you the best!

Answer 9

I do know the situation you are in.  I have 3 public teachers within my family.  I removed mine during the school year while one was in 3rd and one was in 1st.

Unfortunately, I don'tknow of a response that will get them to be quiet at this point other than telling them point blank.....It is none of your business!  

I no longer have to defend myself.  Mine are starting the 5th and 3rd this year and I have proved it works.  They have seen my childrens success and acceleration in knowledge.  I had one struggling with math and one with reading.  I do not get questioned by anyone that knows us personally any longer.  In fact, I have several very interested now they have seen the progress my girls have made.  

I commend you!!  Join a group for support.  Remember, it doesn't matter what they think if you know you are doing what is best for your child and family.  Besides, it is just kindergarten right now.   This person really needs to back up and see what you can do with your child this year.  Maybe that is it, tell them it is just kindergarten.  Give me a year before you criticise something you haven't even seen me complete yet.

Answer 10

We have gone through the same exact thing. It is hard though. We jsut finished out first year with a virtual academy and once I sent out thier report cards, everyone finally got on-board. My daughter just turned 6 and thanks to homeschool she has been able to progress at her rate. She is finishing up 3rd grade math and science, and working on 2nd grade English. And to think she would normally have been learning to count and say her ABC's. My  year old is in 1st grade English, 2nd grade math, and 3rd grade science. Let the numbers defend you. It is well known that homeschooled children do much better in jobs, with socialization, and in all honesty (although I am bias) in lots of things. My kids are involved with the local senior center during the time PS kids are in class, they are taking karate, they are involved with our local heritage society and helping to preserve our small town....all while most kids are at school. When someone bashes homeschooling, I usually nicely tell them that instead of sitting in a classroom all day, my children are learning while living life and learning from thier books. It is an all in one package that most children don't have the opportunity for. Don't defend yourself and your choice...live in it...homeschooling isn't just a choice it is a lifestyle. For us our entire day revolves around thier homeschooling...from thier book studies, to our garden, to trips to the zoo, to talking with the senior citizens, to the nature movies we watch at night....some people chose to the let system educate thier children....just remember that you are giving your child the best chance at life that you possibly can by homeschooling!!

Answer 11

not everybody stops to think public school IS NOT for everyone. Weve been homeschooling our son for going on 3 years now, & guess what, hes more socialible then we are! He has a high iq too.

Whenever family asks us about it, I change the subject, its our choice, not the families, the child is yours NOT the community child!!!

Its all how you teach the child, I personally think I did a h**l of a better job then the d**n teachers in the public school system here.

My son is severly dyslexic, & we took him out of public school because they told us 3 times that "dyslexia dosnt exsits!" he went from D's & F's to A's & B's.

Ignore those that disagree with you, only because there looking to fight you no matter what! Who knows your child better then you do? Noone thats who!

Like I said public school or even private school IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!

People that fight you dont have a real clue about homeschooling at all.

The child is not always in the hosue, & in the same room all the time, they do go out of the house, & do things.

Did they ever stop to think that when you go grocery shopping they are socializing with people???  

Some people are just being bossy & tell you what they think is better, it may be good for them, but may not be good for your child!

Answer 12

I would laugh and say something like "What century are you living in?"   or "You really need to get out more and expand your limited vision".

Say it with a smile.

  IF the person has kids and IF you want to be as rude as the people who are questioning your decision-- just kind of glance over at the person's child(ren) and look back at the person and say  "Yea, I'm sure that  we are making the right decision".    

We do live in an age where information is a mouse click away,  we have cars and we get out,  we have phones, and   there are homeschool groups for friendships, activities and support.    Public schools are catching on that the classroom is not the best place for many children to learn .  Public school's self check procedures are proving to themselves that the system needs help.  

We don't need to defend a system that is proving that it works for many.   The public school system is in a position that makes them defensive because it is failing.

(No reflection on teachers, just on the system.)

Answer 13

Generally homeschooled students have BETTER socialization skills!

In traditional schools, students are placed into artificial environmemts where the only contact they have is with others their same age and with the same limited group every day.  These students can communicate well with others their same age, but they have very little development in communication with those much older or younger than them.

Also, for the most part, socialization is discouraged in traditional schools.  Instead there is much effort to get the kids to sid down and shut up for a great part of the time!

Homeschool students on the otherhand are free to ask questions and openly discuss things with others.  They are rarely confined to just sitting there quietly while listening to the teacher recite a pre-prepared lecture.

Homeschool students go on more "field trips" where they see and learn how the concepts they have learned are in action in the real world.  They interact with a wider variety of people on any given day.

Many homeschool groups have cooperative activities and classes or labs that students can participate in.

The children's museam in a nearby city has special classes for homeschool groups.  My daughter attended a series earlier this year.  She met other homeschooled students from all over the area, and she still keeps in touch with one girl she met.

While we were there, one of the teachers from the museam began asking my wife about homeschooling.  She said she conducts these classes for all sorts of groups - private schools, public schools, etc.

She said her children were in public school, but she had been noticing that the homeschool groups were better behaved, learned better, asked more and better questions, and got along with each other better than the students she was seeing from traditional schools, so she was thinking about taking her children out of the public school in order to homeschool them!

Finally, students in public schools are "socialized" in ways I don't want for my children.  These include learning foul language, being introduced to drugs, sexual activity, s*x education at early ages, atheistic dogma, crime in schools, gangs, etc.

My mother was a teacher in a public school.  I went to public schools when I was growing up.  The public schools today, however, are not like they were years ago.

By all means homeschool your children!  There is a reason that many colleges now actively recruit homeschooled students!

Answer 14

If they continue to question, then you need to be firm and say that it is  not open to debate. I'd say one time, we've chosen to homeschool because we've been able to teach him everything thus far, and learning English is supposed to be the hardest language to learn. ;-)

Answer 15

Why do you take the time to listen to them?  You don't owe anyone an answer. Walk away from them.

Answer 16

You have received several excellent suggestions here.  I'm just going to add my 2 cents.

I agree with you that I don't want to bash the public school system in conversation with those who question our decision.

I usually say, "We chose homeschooling because it is the best decision for our family.  We support your decision, whatever it may be, and only ask that we receive the same support in return."

If the questions continue, shrug your shoulders.

Don't worry.  It happens to all of us.  Consider it your initiation.

All the best.