How do I get someone with depression to let me help?

Question

My boyfriend is diabetic and suffers from anxiety and depression because of this. He doesn't like going out, scared that he will go hypo (collapse) in public, and he's never happy the way he was a few years ago. He has been diabetic since he was 11, but it is only recently that the depression has crept in.

I read that you should try to encourage people to come out for walks and talk and spend time together, which I try to do but he just wants to be on his own all the time - when he's not working it seems like all he does is play on the computer.

I won't go into all the symptoms of his depression but it makes me feel unwanted and unloved, and everything I do to try and help just gets thrown back in my face. I hate seeing him like this and have begged him to talk to a psychiatrist but he says he can't talk about it to anyone.

I don't know what to do - how do I get him to help himself and spend time with me the way we used to?

Answer 1

there's no easy answer to to this sort of question im afraid

all i can reccomed is your boyfriend seeing a phcychaitrist

are you sure its just his diabetes thats effetcing him in this way?

Answer 2

i recommend not being pushy in trying to help him as he may start to resent you.  diabetes altho serious can be controlled and people can live a normal life.  he needs to understand this.  i hate those commercials about diabetes and how people were afraid to do things.  he just needs to go the extra step to be prepared for drop in sugar.  this could be as simple as a roll of lifesavers in his pocket.  try and encourage him to do things he did before it got him down.  what does he like? animals? go to the zoo, books? go to the library.  if he doesn't start to come out of it, make sure one, his sugar is where it should be or two, may be time for some professional help.  managing diabetes can be exhausting especially after years of dealing with it.

Answer 3

Hun i know what you r going Through cook him a meal and try being romantic, get him 2 join a on line support group or a chat site that he can talk 2 some1 i run a site called kandyshop and it helps people. http://kandyshop.me.uk

Answer 4

He needs to get help. All you can do is be supportive.  

Answer 5

maybe they need to sort themselves out on their own.

Answer 6

Unfortunately prescription meds was what got my mind back, the idea of talking to a psyc is tell him not to talk about his feelings, just ask to medicate symptoms, and list those, they dont have to know the whole story to medicate...... im on a tricyclic called Imipramine - but it took over a year to kick in...........  i would say walks are a bad idea, as is talking, adn spending time is only good, if you can keep quiet, and just be there....... all he needs to to to see a psyc is to wander over to his doc and ask for referal, or, your nearest MIND and ask to see one..

Answer 7

This could be a symptoms of diabetes.  Diabetes affects EVERTHING, including hormones and brain, Mood changes are expected in an uncontrolled diabetic. [In fact, my wife almost divorced me before I was diagnosed.]

Talk with him about how and how well he is controlling his blood sugars. Is he taking "finger stick" measurements before each meal?  Are they normal?  Is he taking his insulin as  prescribed? is He following his diet exactly?  What was his last A1C reading (5 to 6 is normal, over 7 is out of control)?

The first thing to note that if he is A) Doing the blood tests, B) Taking his meds as ordered, and C) eating the correct diet, he should NOT have to fear from low blood sugar.  And if he IS afraid, it is an easy thing for him to carry hard suagr candies in his pocket for such emergencies.

I suggest that YOU stay off the psychiatrist push, and try to guide him into better control of his underlying disease, and see if that doesn't make some improvement.

Try this website in order to help YOU better understand his disease, and in turn maybe you can help him.

http://www.diabetes.com

Answer 8

I am a 45 year old alcoholic with bi polar and social anxiety plus some physical problems to boot. I have a fair idea of how he feels and other than telling you he needs prof. help, there is not much I can help you with here. I suffered on my own for years and I made that first step, getting help. Its not at all easy on your own and thats what he feels right now, he thinks , rightly, that you do not understand how he feels. Unless you suffer you can never know. If you feel its worth it, keep encouraging him but at the end of the day it is your boyfriend who holds the key. I wish you both well.