How do I get the point across to my cousin about my wedding?

Question

She is supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. Yet, she has only came to the bridal store one time with me when I was trying to decide on what I wanted my bridemaids to wear. Now I am having a h**l of a time to get her to go back. I have asked her atleast seven to eight times to go and everytime its a different excuse, and I know they are not legit. All my other bridesmaids are very cooperative. I work afternoons and every other weekend, so all of this has to be done on my time. I was even on my way to go get her one day and she called and made up an excuse. And when my wedding gets brought up, she starts to talk about all her problems. She was supposed to get married, but called off her wedding months ago, our weddings would have been 8 months apart so they did not clash. Also, my other cousin said she had a h**l of a time with her getting her to do stuff when she got married almost 3 years ago. It's to the point where I am about to say s***w this and you are not in it. I need her cooperation and its not fair to me or the rest of the girls...WHAT DO I DO?

Answer 1

Stop trying so hard. You've done what you can. If she won't go, tell her clearly, "Go and get your dress or you can't be a BM." No dress, no BM, right? Right. If she gets the dress, good, just make sure she shows up on the wedding day and feel free to invite her to BM festivities ONCE and if she declines, that's her loss, not yours. Don't stress over her, that's what she wants.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I say make your choice. Don't worry if every single person will look good in it. For my bridesmaids, I did separates, where I picked the color and the skirt and am allowing them to pick which top they want. But make a decision on what you want to do. Tell her to go to whichever store it is, get fitted and pay for it. If she doesn't do it or waits until the last minute and has to rush it, that's not your problem. You have enough stress without her adding to it. It will work out. Just don't rely on her to do much else either.  

Answer 3

You need to just talk to her. Let her know you are sorry she is no longer getting married but you are and she is supposed to be in it. If you can't get her to cooperate maybe you could find someone else to replace her or get you fiance to have one of his groomsmen to do something else.

I would give her a date that she has to get this done or is no longer in the wedding. This is your day, don't let her ruin it for you. You don't need the added stress of her not cooperating.

Answer 4

I'd just tell her that she is

no longer one of my bridesmaids, but

she is welcome to attend my wedding.  

Answer 5

Have a talk with her and if she doesn't get on the ball then drop her.

Answer 6

Simple......

Give the gal a deadline and make it quite clear that if X and X have not been done by this date..she cannot be in the bridal party...no excuses will be acepted.

This gal sounds like a Procrastinator with a capital P...and most procrastinators won't do anything until some one else 'motivates' them...with threats....they are too old for this juvenile behavior ( you know, the 'junior-get to bed!' a million times...."Do your home work"..."clean your room"....)

Do not play that game. Deadlines....not met, she's out. Good luck.

Answer 7

I would simply tell her this:  I am really needing these things done if my wedding is going to go smoothly, which is really important to me.  I kinda feel like you do not want to be a part of the wedding, since I have tried several times and even offered to pick you up.  Is there something that is causing you not to want to be a part of this with me?

That way, you have given her the chance to say on her own whether or not she really wants to be a part of it.  If she says she doesn't want to, great, go on without her.  If she says she does want to, give her one more chance (soon) to go get her dress.  Let her know (nicely) that if the timeline you have isn't followed, you will have to cut her out of the wedding, and then stick to it.  I had the same problem with one of my bridesmaids, and ended up cutting her out.  I know it sounds harsh, especially because she is family, but the last thing you need on your wedding day is worrying about whether or not she will show, or have the right dress, etc.  Good luck.

Answer 8

I have been going through something similar to this. Just tell them straight up. That is the ONLY thing that worked for me. Hinting around and beating around the bush DID NOT work. Say "I need you to act like you want to be in my wedding and stand up for me, otherwise I will have one less bridesmaid." You would have done the same thing for her if she got married. It could be jealousy on her part, but it is not your fault! You didn't cause the breakup. Just be honest and tell it like it is!

Answer 9

Just let her know that while you understand that she has her own problems, she is becoming one of yours.  Give her a deadline of when she has to go to the store by.  Let her know if she does not meet it, you are sorry, but she can't be in the wedding.  If she doesn't care enough to be there, that is a clear sign of where her head is.  She might not be ready to be in a wedding if hers just fell apart.

Why wouldn't she ignore you if you have already given her deadlines, she hasn't met them, and you keep letting her go on.  You aren't being a bridezilla, she is being obnoxious.  Give her a deadline and stick to it.

Answer 10

I'm sorry things aren't going so well with you and your cousin.

It sounds to me like she is really not into being in the wedding at all.  It may also be she is uncomfortable with the whole situation since her wedding was called off.

Sit down and ask her directly.  Tell her you've noticed her reluctance and want her support.  Ask her what's going on.  Tell her if she really does not want to be in the wedding you will understand, but you need to know now.

Good luck.

Answer 11

Tell her that she needs to get it done by a certain date or she will have to come to the wedding as a guest

Answer 12

It sounds like to me that she may not really want to be in your wedding.  Maybe she can't afford the dress and everything to go with it. You need to talk to her about what her reasons are to not be cooperating.  

Answer 13

do you just need her to get fitted for her bridesmaid dress??  schedule an appointment w/the bridal store on her time.  if she doesn't make it to that appointment, tell her that you're sorry but you need someone who is reliable.

Answer 14

give her a deadline. tell her that she has a week to go. if she "can't make it", tell her she's no longer allowed to be in the wedding

Answer 15

She sounds like she's depressed about her own failed wedding and probably has some issues to sort through on her own.

But nonetheless you have a big day to plan, and you either need cooperation from everyone, or replacements for the one's that aren't grateful and appreciative for having the privilege to be in your wedding.

Make it clear to her that you want her to be involved, but since she's not making an effort you will have to ask someone else to do it. If she gets upset about it, give her one more chance...with a time and day SET to do what you need her to do. If she doesn't do it...find someone else immediately.

Good luck and sorry about your wedding woes. Some people just don't want other people to be happy.

Answer 16

tell her what you need from her and if she can't di it then say sorry but I need it and will have to find it somewhere else then

Answer 17

Say what you have stated above but calmly and politely, you don't want bad feelings between you.  Ask her if she would prefer to do a reading or something special rather than bridesmaid.

Although in no way your fault, you should put yourself in her shoes for a moment.  No matter how happy she is for you, she must be hurting inside seeing all the preparations that she should have been also in the 'middle of'.

Go easy on her, but take care of the situation.