How do I get through to a bull headed smart almost four year old?

Question

Today is the last straw. We have the deal that "I don't hit you, you don't hit me" so i refuse to spank him. He thought it was funny to pee all over the new roll of toilet paper, down the cabinet and floor. This is the first time to include the toilet paper but has peed all over the floor and rugs before. Right now he lost his fireworks (state holiday) and is grounded to his room for 30 minutes for it. But how do I get through to him that this has to stop. He is going through so many stages right now that it is driving me nuts. I will take away his toys and it doesn't bother him, no tv no problem, no computer no problem, nothing seems to be punishment to him. He just keeps doing what he wants to do no matter what I say. I know that some of it is normal, and according to my mother, I was the same way and boy is she getting a kick out of this. He is fibbing, blaming others, and overall not listening anymore. I don't want a perfect kid, just one that follows some of the rules.

Answer 1

Wow, are you having fun or what? :)

What worked for me was to always give my son a choice. He could one or the other and then I would make sure to honour his choice.

This peeing bit sounds like a call for attention.

Answer 2

Hopsing, YOU are an idiot. I like how you totally misconstrued the meaning to that passage. Let me briefly explain.

The shepherds did not HIT the sheep with the ROD as they are smart and know that would not make for loyal, faithful sheep.

Therefore, the ROD was used to GUIDE the sheep in the right direction and GUIDE them back into the fold.

Get it RIGHT before you start preaching from your high horse. It's a mighty long FALL from up there.

Answer 3

You are going to have to get really tough and stay very consisentent.  He will have to be punished for every little thing at first until he realizes that he can not get by with anything.  Honestly I believe in spanking and a good swat on the backside will not hurt him.  Discipline is different than hitting.  Good Luck Momma!

Answer 4

"Spare the rod SPOIL the child!"

Answer 5

"He thought it was funny to pee all over the new roll of toilet paper, down the cabinet and floor."

I think it's funny too. Lol

Answer 6

An almost 4 year old is old enough to clean up his mess. Next time he pees give him a rag and have him clean it up.  If the rug can be thrown in the wash.  Help him do some laundry.  Give him chores to do to replace the missing tv, computer etc.  Make it a time for him to do age appropriate chores.  With my son, a few times cleaning the comode when he intentionally missed has made him a little more careful.  

(You will have to clean behind him but he will get the point.)  Try and give him a structured day to keep the antics to a minimum.

I spanked when necessary.  After I cooled down, discipline is done with a cool head.  Punishment you do when your angry and if you spank that is a no no.

Answer 7

I would think about getting a professional involved. Like a child psychologist. He obviously is testing your limits, but maybe has something else going on also if he doesn't listen at all and almost 4. Hope it gets better. I'm glad your one of those few parents that doesn't hit or spank!

Answer 8

It sounds to me like he is doing these things to irritate you intentionally.  My son, 3, is the same way - and the madder I get the harder he laughs (full out belly laughs -UGH).  It is soooo frustrating and when I have spanked him it is the same thing.  He only laughs which provokes me to spank him again which makes him laugh harder.  I have stopped spanking now because, not only does it not work, but the last time I got so frustrated I was thinking "why arent you crying?" and then...."do I really want to make my child cry?"  That was it for me.

My father explained to me..."you know, the more out-of-control you are....it will naturally be funny to the kids."  Makes sense when you think about it.  Ever looked in the mirror when your pissed off?  I know I look funny, so of course it is too my 3yr old.

With my child, Im still trying to see what works.  A lot of times I try to ignore it, like when he "chooses" not to get dressed when we need to leave.  I just calmly remind him...Im leaving with or without you in 10mins. (over and over).  There have been times that Ive walked out the door without him - he flips out thinking im really going to leave him - I remind him one last time he has 2 mins to get ready and he busts butt getting ready.  

Another thing I do that works pretty well is praising him when he is polite, respectful...etc. which he thrives off.  Like if he goes to bed without a problem I will read and extra book and snuggle a little longer than usual and explain something like "big boys get to stay up a little later - and tonight you really acted like a big boy when I told you it was time for bed"  

You have to remember too - does the punishment fit the crime.  I send my kids to their rooms when they are being loud and obnoxious (I need some air, and obviously they do too).  I take away the computer when they wont share it.  I ground them from activities with friends when they are mean to their siblings (they need to learn to get along with their siblings before hanging out with friends).  I make them go inside, from playing outside, when the outside games are becoming an issue.  I think that is key to remember.  

If you take awat fireworks for peeing on toilet paper...how does that really fit the crime.  I say, make the boy help you clean his own pee when he does that, that should be enough to discourage the behavior.  Afterall, what you are trying to do is put an end to that specific behavior.  About the lying, explain to him that lying is not ok...ever, blaming, etc...   My daughter went through this stage of blatanly telling me she hadnt done something when it was obvious she had.  What worked with me is sending her too her room (I maintained calm while she screamed the whole time, insisting she was telling the truth), as she was going to her room I explained that I would be up when she calms down.  And I had a one on one...sincere...no blaming or shaming conversation, heart-to-heart.  I think she really appreciated it, that I wasnt scolding her but rather treating her with understanding - but she also knew that I wanted the truth and out it came.  She cried her eyes out because she knew she was busted.  That was all it took.  She embarrassed herself...all I had to do was remain calm and persistent.  Whenever she fibs now, all I have to do is say "Serena...is that really the truth?"  and she always will say something like "oh I forgot...."  which works for me because she knows that she cant pull a fast one on mama.  

Try not to make it a control issue - he WILL always win.  Good luck!

Answer 9

hahaha-punkinn is so right! Kids do this as a test of our control and it is funny to see yourself when you get red in the face and hollering at the top of your lungs. Other than being patient, consistent, and trying not to laugh when it really is funny (think how embarrassed he'll be when he's 14 and you tell his friends) just talk to your kid.

My little 3 year old is just like his daddy and it is amazes me how he will behave for daddy but run all over me. Spanking didn't work, time outs didn't work, throwing toys away didn't work-but talking to him seems to be the most effective yet.

Good luck taming your little bull.