How do I go about asking a father (self-centered) to adopt his daughter?

Question

I am getting married to this woman who has a daughter. I have discussed adoption to her and she accepts it. But mentioned to her ex-husband, he clearly states "NO." He has not seen her in 3 years nor called. But ever since i have mentioned it to him, he calls and now comes by to see her.

Answer 1

I have a father and a step Dad. My step Dad has been there since I was 4. My father would never have let him adopt me even if he ask.  And he was in my life although sometimes very sporadic.  I tell you what, my step Dad is my Daddy. He gave me away when I got married, he was there when I was sick and went to my high school and college graduation.  I know it may hurt that you can not make it legal but the bonds I have with  my step Dad, transcend that. I named my son after him.

Answer 2

Tell the police this dead-beat Dad "touched" his daughter. He'll have a lawsuit on his hands and the Government will probably assign custody to you.

Answer 3

You need to remain positive or neutral about this man, be there for this child in every way you can be, and leave the adoption issue alone.

Answer 4

Try to be happy that her father is attempting to be part of her life.  Even if you don't like the situation, I am sure the daughter appricaites having her father in her life.  I know this may be difficult for you though.  As an adult, sometimes it is hard to hide our feelings from children, but try not to say anything negative about her father around her.

That said, you can still be the best darn step father in the world.  Her dad coming back into her life can't stop that.  It may not be the same as adoption, but you still are and still will be a very important part of her life.  Consider her your daughter and she will feel loved and appriciated.  The more children that are showing her love and support the better!  Just give her all the love you can and she will love you, too.  My mother has remarried several times and the step fathers that treated me like a daughter have been loved greatly by me.  In fact, I still call my ex-step father my dad.  Even though there is no legal bond between us, we spend holidays together and that type of thing.

Answer 5

If he doesn't pay his child support, and doesn't see the child (for a year or more) he can have his rights taken away by the court whether he gives permission for the adoption or not.  I'd say just drop the whole subject, let him go back to not having anything to do with the kid, then get a lawyer.

Answer 6

well you should be glad that you had something to do with her having more of a relationship with her father. Just because you adopt her, that doesn't mean he is not her father anymore. When a kid doesn't have contact with their dad it affects them negatively. Her well being is what's most important

Answer 7

You may never be able to adopt her...but you are still considered a gaurdian.  I would show her love and affection and be a father to her.

Answer 8

You are really out of luck.  You would have to get a lawyer and have him proven unsafe to be around her and get his rights taken away. Doesn't sound like he is gonna budge.  My ex is like that too, he doesn't have contact with his kids unless he thinks adoption might happen or something.  The only other way around it would be if the little girl is a teenager and wanting you to adopt her.  Either way you need a lawyer and it can get expensive.

Answer 9

You should just be happy that the man comes to see his daughter now. Even if it did take the thought of another man being her father to get him to get his butt in gear, at least he's visiting her now.

If he isn't paying child support you could always bribe him with "I won't tell them you aren't paying if you sign away your rights"

My cousin did that to her ex husband so that her new husband could adopt her oldest daughter.

Answer 10

where i live you have one year....if the father fails to have contact with the kid the mother automatically has sole custody and she could be adopted by you...i would get a lawyer to go over any legal standing because you had metioned it to him now he's comming around again...i guess it might have gave him the kick in the but he needed to start comming around...she needs her biodad but also needs someone steading in her life...

Answer 11

have the woman your marrying take him to court for child support. If he is willing to pay to take care of his child, then let him be her father and you can give her just as much love being her stepfather..however he if wants to avoid child support the only way he can do that is to sign away the rights to her and let you be the father he is not willing to be

Answer 12

It's more important for her to have a (however belated) relationship with her father than it is for you to adopt her.

I know, it's frusterating.  Maybe the thought of losing her made him "see the light" and want to be more involved.  Maybe he will prove himself an @sshole.

If you stand in the way, you will be the @sshole in the eyes of that little girl.

See how it plays out.  Be there for her like a real dad.  Be strong and don't make this a big deal.