How do I go about entering my 87 year old housekeeper Mrs Humfrey's into the London 2012 Olympics?

Question

I want to see her get into the British Judo squad, I don't think she will have a chance at a medal, not with her hip! But it would be jolly good fun to see her get thrown around a bit. Should also teach the wretched woman not to answer me back.

Answer 1

Given the performance of our current Judo squad in Beijing I think she'd be ideal. That is one sport that doesn't deserve lottery funding.

Answer 2

Enter her in  the rowing and drill a hole in her boat so she drowns .  

Answer 3

Glad to see you're back, old boy!

I could have a quiet with Lord Coe on your behalf, he is supposed to be attending one of the Duchess' dinner parties in early September.

Answer 4

Very carefully old chum if she has a gammy hip :)

Answer 5

Enter her in to the marathon.

If she starts now, she may get to the starting line by 2012.

Answer 6

Put her on a Steroid and Amphetamine drip every evening and thrash her with a birch branch each morning.

That should toughen her up!!

Answer 7

I don't know but why don't you orchestrate and maniplulate the IOC to bring a brand new sport category into the 2012 Olympic games in London.

Namely ........ freestyle gumming for cucumbers in a barrel.

Answer 8

The boxing would be better. How entertaining to see dear Mrs Humfrey getting battered about the ring.  

Answer 9

Remember the Film TRON?

You can get an outfit from Ebay y'know.

Helmet too. Be sure to imbibe said suit in a Wardrobe

after being properly washed and have a bag of Lavender dangling nearby to give it that lovely "Old Dear" touch. Then unleash the feisty Old Trotter, she'll wrap them Foreign Bummers up in no time, as if she was handling 'yer Daily Groceries. I'm assuming she's British eh?

If not re-evaluate my answer.

Answer 10

there are many english new sports being introduced in the 2012 olympics...downhill ironing, womens nagging, fastest assylum seeker, quickest traffic ticket writer....beer drinking...best traffic jam...best tea maker...gobbiest hoody...best tattooed bird...best chav..she could try the tesco shopping bag lift..while running for a bus..

Answer 11

As she has had so much practice in attempting to climb the stairs to your bedroom with your breakfast, she is now already highly skilled in the 8000m boiled-egg-and-spoon high-altitude sky-diving event and could indeed bring home a medal.  Alternatively, if you feel like living dangerously, what about the shooting?  You, of course, would do the shooting and she could be the target.  I can sense your trigger finger quivering in anticipation.

Answer 12

I'd say your best bet is identity theft.  Find an olympic athlete, kidnap her, and keep her locked up till after the olympics are over.  Meanwhile, you get Mrs. Humfreys a fake ID so she can pass for said athlete.  An electric shock collar should keep her from telling anyone, as well as add to the fun of watching her get tossed around by the real athletes!  Good luck!

Answer 13

Perhaps you could enter her not as an olympian, but as a piece of equipment, such as a hammer or shot-put.

Answer 14

Call the necessary authorities and explain the situation to them.  I'm sure they will work something out for you.  

Answer 15

why dont you just enter HER??????

Answer 16

Well I answered a question earlier from someone else asking why there was no Chuck Norris at the Olympics - the truth now comes out - he is away secretly training your Mrs Humphreys for 2012!!

Answer 17

Remove everyone that qualifies ahead of her until she makes it. Then let her go in a receive the beating that all insubordinate elderly deserve.

Answer 18

I'm afraid your project is doomed from the start old chap. Judo participants are required to wear some sort of pyjama, and Mrs Humphreys insists on wearing that long flanneline nightie.  She'll never manage to separate her legs to 180° with that thing on.  Punish her by making her sit through the parade of countries as they wave their flags.  That should teach her not to answer back.