How do I go on after he cheated and left me with 3 small children?

Question

My husband of 11 years and the father of my three children just told me he is leaving me for a woman he had been cheating on me with for 4 years. I never knew, there was no signs b/c the worked together. I never saw this coming. Now I have no job, no money( he is refusing to give me any b/c they need it to move in together) and rent and all the other bills are do. I still love him. All I think about is him. How much I miss him, I want to hold him, smell him, touch him. He wants nothing to do with our three small children and its breaking their heart b/c they can't understand. What do I do?

Answer 1

If you could click on my profile and go to my 360 account take a look at my last blog. We have been together for 12 years. I have 3 small little boys. My prayer has always been that we pull through this. He cheated on me with a woman for over 4 years. I became vindictive and I gave him a taste of his own medicine when I found out-we'll he found out about me. I've come to deal with the worst mistake of my life. Now our marriage seems to be going through it's up and downs. Right now, I have been separated from him for 5 days. I have no job, no money, and naive as it sounds I'm giving him our family business. I need him to be able to take care of my kids. But I have faith, and I'm standing. You have to find your strength sweetheart. As hard as it is, find it don't break. I know I will be back with my husband. I can tell by his responses to me. You still have a chance to salvage your marriage. The key is forgiveness. It's almost uncanny how much we have in common with this one question.

Answer 2

He legally has to pay child support, so make him.  

Answer 3

So he cheated on you and left without a second thought about you or the kids? Well, i say f  him you'll survive somehow just do it one day at a time. Besides surly you have friends and family to help.

Answer 4

How horrible. You need to get legal aid and burn him at the stake. He betrayed you AND your children. He is not worth fretting over so get with it and make him pay!  

Answer 5

Get a job to help support you and your three children. Times will be rough at first. A lot of women have made it through this. See if you can move in with family members or if someone can move in with you to help out with the bills. Then you get child support out of him. He is a scum bag for doing this to you. This will only make you stronger. Take care of your babies!!!  

Answer 6

Your husband is a waste of skin.

I have no idea how he could do that to you and especially your children.  They deserve a father... he obviously isn't one.

I wish I had the magical answer for you but I don't.  One thing I do know.... you'll get through this.  Turn to your family and friends... stay with anyone who you feel comfortable with and who will let you lean on them for awhile until you get on your feet.

And sue the b*****d for child support.

Answer 7

You have to draw a line in the sand and not cross it, as far as getting back with him. File for divorce and child support. I know it is terr ably hard to move on. But when you unhook from him you will move faster. I'll pray for you!

Answer 8

You should definitely sue him for both alimony and child support! He has a moral and legal obligation to assist you. Contact legal aid, ASAP, and don't let him shirk his obligations just because he needs to move in with some hussy. You have bigger responsibilities including three small children, which he helped to produce. What a ridiculous excuse for a man.

Apply for social assistance immediately, as it can take several weeks to process. Call your debtors in ADVANCE of the due date and make sure they're aware that you might be late with your bills. If you tell them in advance, they might be more lenient in terms of giving you space and time to pay them off. Sometimes they make compassionate exceptions.

Try and find family and friends who can assist you with babysitting, while you try and find work. Your social assistance provider might be able to refer you to a subsidized daycare provider.

Family and friends might be able to house you, but if not, try and find your local women's shelter and ask them for advice. You obviously don't need to go to one, but they will know what services are available for women in emergency situations.

Answer 9

He has an obligation to the children. you go to court tomorrow morning and you file papers for divorce and child support. The courts will usually assign one third of his pay. if you did not work and were a stay at home mom, then he is legally responsible to pay alimony to you. in the mean time you can hold your head high and ask for some state assistance till his payments kick in. As for missing him... you need to see him as the cheat he is and nothing else. You were in love with him but he was not in love with you to have done this. It will take some time but trust me it gets easier every day. The main thing here is that no matter how much you are hurting you must hold up and go on for your children. You don't say how old the kids are, but you must talk to them and make sure that they understand that it was not there fault that dad has left. But again things do get better.

Answer 10

I am so sorry.  

Next, life will be tough for awhile as you get things together financially and get to working.  Even if he chooses to have nothing to do with the children physically, he has a financial responsibility to them that he cannot CHOOSE his way out of.  Call legal aide and quickly to get on your way to divorcing this looser.

Then file for spousal support and child support to the max!  Rake this sucker over the coals for what he did to your family.  Make them deduct if from his check each week too.  Do not let yourself fall into the "I'll send you a check" trap.  Also, unless you strike it rich, spousal support is good until you remarry.  So, dont be in any special hurry to do that, just date around enough to p**s him off.

You have options and you need to use them to the advantage of your children.

Answer 11

Child support and ALIMONY.  You've got the 10 yrs in there and he'll be paying for his infidelity.

Sweetie, as hard as it is,  he's been cheating on you for FOUR YEARS!  Deal with missing him and do not allow yourself to take him back.  He'd only do it to avoid having to support you and the kids and would continue to see her.

File for pendente Lite support NOW!  Do not wait.  I don't care if he says he needs that money to 'move in together'.  He has other responsiblities that come FIRST.

Contact a lawyer.  Some will consult free and see what they say about him paying thier fees.

Answer 12

Look up 'legal aid' in your area. It's a free legal service for cases just like yours.

They'll represent you in a divorce and the judge will grant you all you and your children need.

You have the children... you need some kind of income. Start looking for a job and get on that divorce so you can start receiving child support. The sooner, the better. The kids are counting on you.

Best of luck- you'll do great.

Answer 13

get a job and ask your family to take over the kids while your at work  

Answer 14

Move in with a friend or relative, file for divorce start getting child support, and look for a job.

Answer 15

First of all, I must say this man is simply CRUEL. And the only woman who would run away with him and encourage him to leave his 3 children and wife, must be just as or even more cruel than he is.

Its natural to be thinking about him 24/7, you just ended an 11 year old relationship.

It'll take a long long time to get over him, i know but eventually you will, but in the mean time, you should definitely get a job, and get money for your rents, kids and ALL that other stuff.

Besides, being busy with work and responsibilities will take your mind off him a bit, but then again if it doesnt, dont worry one bit, you'll get over him eventually.

the most important thing here is to keep your family in good shape, TELL YOUR KIDS THE TRUTH, NEVER lie to children, even if the truth is tough, just say it and make sure they know you're okay, and also try not to show how devastated you are in front of them, and also to keep the love in your family. if you and your kids love eachother, you'll find a way, as long as you find a way to pay the rent and such..

i hope i helped you.

god bless you.