How do I handle a second budget meeting?

Question

My mom and his parents got together a few months ago to discuss the budget and certain plans we had. Recently, I found out his parents misunderstood what my mom and I (and I believe my Fiance too) understood. They, first off, thought it wasn't an "official" meeting because my dad wasn't there (he was very sick). They are apparently under the impression they were paying for their people and the rehearsal dinner ONLY. Mom and I (and the fiance) were under the impression we were putting all the money in a "pool" to be used as necessary after the list was made. In other words, we pay for ours, they pay for theirs, and we split the rest.

So after finding all this out, the Fi and I called another meeting to get a final budget set. I just don't know how to handle his mom! She insisted the other day that her work people get invited because they are there to support her (insert hand smacking on table). So I'm thinking she's making this more about her and less about us... What do we do?

Answer 1

Put your foot down.

Each family pays for their own guest.

Then if they still want to half the rest, that would be good. (flowers, pics, church, dj).

You and your fiance might want to contribute more financially as well.

Answer 2

First, you have "Fi" handle his mom -- not you. He will find a nice way to tell her that if all six participants (you, Fi, & 2 sets of parents) bring an entourage then it will be too cumbersome to get anything accomplished.

Answer 3

If his parents are contributing financially, then they will want a say in who is invited.  Take what they offer and be appreciative.  You don't want bad blood between your parents and his parents before you're even married. Is the guest list pretty even between sides?  I think if the numbers are even, then there should be no reason for complaint.  Good Luck!