How do I handle this? My 15 year old daughter is threatening to starve herself.?

Question

Say you have a 15 year old daughter. She asked you if she could take singing lessons, but you said no. Is she said "I'm gonna starve until you let me take singing lessons. What would you do about it? (And your daughter is SERIOUS about starving.)

Answer 1

Assuming there is a good reason on your part, I still wouldn't let her take the lessons because she will only continue to use this method to get what she wants. Since letting her starve herself for weeks would be a bit harsh, I'd force her to eat one way or another. Take away her privilege's or whatever else you can think of.

However, If you can afford the lessons and it's something she's serious about, I don't see why not let her take the lessons.

Answer 2

I think I would have a lengthy discussion about how adults handle difficult situations when they don't get their way.  Explain to your daughter that starving herself, or threatening to, will not change your decision.  If she stops eating, see a doctor immediately and get her some help before it turns into a full-blown disorder.  Sounds to me like a typical teenage tantrum.  Stand your ground.  She knows that she's getting under your skin.  You have to be the adult here and not let her intimidate you.

Answer 3

I'm going to make this simple.

Don't give in.

She'll get hungry after a while.

IF you do give in, she'll use the "I'll starve myself" think forever.

Answer 4

she not really gunna starve herself. watch her try and laugh about it

Answer 5

lock her in a room until she eats, thts what id do

Be in the room wit her

Answer 6

at 15 i doubt she will have enough determination to really starve herself. it takes alot of will power to do something like that when theirs food around. let her try it, it will only end up in failure

Answer 7

Threatening starvation is a power struggle tactic.  If you do anything other than laugh at her, preferably to her face, that'll get the point across.  I know it sounds harsh, but seriously, she didn't already go two weeks without eating; she may have gone two weeks without eating in front of you, but going that long without food will cause all kinds of noticeable damage.  Her body would've started feeding on itself, she would've lost weight dramatically, she would be fainting, dizzy, pale, dehydrated, and falling asleep almost all the time due to malnutrition; all in all, she wouldn't be able to function.  Sounds horrible, I know.  But all I'm trying to say, is that she's definitely just more deceptive than she is persistent.  Even just letting her know that you worry that she'll do it gives her the power in the relationship, and by 15 she should know who the boss is in your relationship.  You have to keep telling yourself that SHE WON'T DO IT, because (rest assured), she won't.

And take it from a problem teenager, now a grown-up and mother of three daughters (albeit, they're all still very young!), being tough and acting like you're not concerned about her little tantrums to get her way are NOT going to make her think you don't care.  All it will do is reinerate that YOU have the final say, and that her antics WILL go unnoticed...  And by the way, scare tactics usually work, too.  Let her know that if you even have an inkling that she really is starving herself, that a hospital ER is not an option; but that an adolescent psych facility will be her first and last stop until she begins eating and that they'll lock her in a single, empty room until she begins eating again (once again, problematic teenager, I've seen this stuff).  I'm not saying to admit her, I'm just saying to make her think it's an option if she won't grow up ;)

Answer 8

lol im a 15 year old dude

and like i have alot of girl friends

lol trust me

she WILL get hungry soon enough that

she'll eat but maybe eat when you arent around

dont worry

its just that shes angry at you

sooner or later she'll eat.

one of my good friends(girl)

told me that once she tried to starve herself

to get skinnier but she got hungry the second day

and ate lol

Answer 9

I can't say that I agree with either one of you. Singing lessons aren't a bad choice for a young person and it just might do her good but, not in the way of starving herself. Hopefully she isn't into drugs. I'll bet there are alot of parents with children in rehab that would gladly swap problems. In any event you are her parent and its your decision and financial obligation.  

Answer 10

There's no reason YOU have to pay for the lessons.  If she's old enough to starve, she's old enough to work.

Make her get a job.  She can baby sit, do chores, mow lawns.

Stand firm.  When she starts her hunger strike, have a party.

Invite everyone you know and get all her favorite foods.

Have enough food to feed an army and ground her to her room.  She has to sit there and smell it all cooking, and listen to everyone have a good time.

Tell her as soon as she's ready for dinner, to come on down and eat hearty.

EDIT TO ADD:

If you pay for lessons, she wins.  And loses a valuable life lesson.

I don't care if she proves to be the next Diana Ross.  She THREATENED YOU!!

That's unacceptable behavior!!!

You need to haul up some harsh consequences for this behavior or she'll think this is the proper way to get what she wants.

People are saying "give in" and "there's no harm in letting her".

Well, I beg to differ.

She can't go around threatening people to get what she wants.

On a job interview, can she tell the person she'll starve herself if she doesn't get the job?

NO!

She's 15!!!

Plenty old enough to learn some home truths about this world.

Answer 11

Make sure you watch her for meal times and that she cant go throw up after

and then plainly tell her

"If you dont eat we will be going to the hospital and they can put you on intraveneus - its your choise, but they got arm ties and straigth jackets there to contain you for your own good"

And then follow through, do not budge on leting her control you like this, on the other hand you may try to reason with her on why she cant have them, that you cant aford them atm etc, to make her see its not just you being mean.

Also you can remove other privilegies, like tv, cell phone, internett etc. This game is one she can not win, so try that for a few days, and then after some 2-3 days when it starts geting bad and she starts geting drowsy just call the doc and tell him your bringing her in,  tell her "rigth thats it in the car, we're going to the doc" if she wont do it simply call for an ambulance, where as you migth not be able to overpower her, they can and will with your aproval do so, and take her against her will, she is a minor so you descide. Sertainly that should prove your point and stop any future atempts on trying to starve her cross apoint to you.

A couple days on the hospital with a needle in her arm, followed up with shrink treatment should work wonders on making her rethink her strategy. She will be treated as if she threathened suicide (which most places aint even legal), hence the cards are all on your hands.

So dont get fooled, your the parent, you are in control, and you got far more resources at hand then she do.

Answer 12

umm

she will starve herself

and if she's saying that

she might already be..

because i starve myself.

and what kind of mother are you?!?!

not letting her daughter do something she loves.

ya. at least she has control over NOT EATING.

that's what you get.

Answer 13

take it from me I'm 16 when she gets hungry enough she will eat. and you need to explain to her this is no way to get what she wants and this behavior will not be tolerated good luck

Answer 14

Take her to pshycologist or pump food through a needle.

Answer 15

JUST FEED HER

SHES NOT A MODEL  

Answer 16

ok,  get some books and videos on belimia and anorexia and other eating disorders and show her what it can do to her and how people will see her. she shouldchange her mind i mean she has alot going for her and she shouldn;t live on this one thing.

good luck

Answer 17

dont give in.. if you do, YOUR DAUGHTER WILL HAVE CONTROL OVER YOU.. like do you understand whats happening here? clearly she is not disciplined and doesn't listen to you and has no respect for you.. you need to straighten this kid out. for real... what a bad daughter, no offense.. but seriously? no other kid would do that. parenting needs to be more strict or something to get this girl in line.

Answer 18

GIVE HER THE LESSONS I MEAN SHE IS 15 SHE KNOW WHAT SHE LIKES AND DON'T SO GIVE HER THE CLASS.

AND DO U WANT HER TO STARVE.

AND WELL YEAH GIVE HER THE CLASS IF IT MAKES HER HAPPY THEN GO 4 IT.

IF SHE HAVING FUN AND SMILING U SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH IT. AS A MOTHER AND ALL U KNOW

Answer 19

Well, if you have a good reason for not letting her take lessons, then throwing a fit like a little brat hopefully won't make you cave. I doubt that she could really go to the extent that she wants you to believe. Maybe a few days, but she'd probably sneak food when you're not around.

I'm pretty sure you could threaten her right back by saying that if she does, then you'll call a doctor and they would probably see it as self inflicted harm. They could probably have her admitted to a hospital for it, if she still refused to eat, just like they would for an anorexic.

I didn't eat for quite a while (for very different reasons, but not because I wanted to lose weight), and got admitted to one for a week, until I started to eat.

That's all I've got for now...

EDIT: What about contacting a councilor or someone like that? They'd probably have some ideas...

Answer 20

Just sit back and wait on her to try

Answer 21

normally i would say not to give in..but in this situation i believe you should pay for the lessons. if you are willing to pay for sports then why aren't you willing to pay for something she feels passionate about? I have done both and to be perfectly honest i enjoyed both. I'm really into musicals now and that may be a lead into those. Musicals have helped me a lot with confidence and made me much more outgoing...which are two very good qualities to have. so in this case i would allow your daughter to take the singing lessons.

Answer 22

How do you know singing won't do her any good? Is she terrible? Or do you just have something against the arts?