How do I help a 19 year old in trouble

Question

He is my cousin. His parents have spoiled him rotten and he is mad at the world.

He got into trouble with a hit and run and then shop lifting. He took his step mom's work credit card, I think he stole the number from mine (the bank called me about bogus purchases the day after he was at my house).

He still lives at home, but his parents dont do anything to try to discipline him out of their own guilt, and now because he is a legal adult.

I have tried very hard to stand beside him and help him out. He just got out of his legal trouble, and I thought things were going to change. But already he is out riding around in a car thats not legal. Him and his friend were at my house just now and stole some cash. It was only 10$, but I dont have it to spare. I confronted them, and while I am fairly certain it was the friend, I dont know. He is now mad because his family are the people who accuse him of c**p, his friends never do. Well, my spouse is mad mad mad because it was his 10 they stole, and he is tired of the c**p. I sent him an email telling him that Im sorry, but someone stole the money and until one of them balls up to it and repays, they arent allowed to come over. I told him that if it really was his friend who stole it, he just got in trouble with me for something he didnt do.

Problem is, I dont know which one took it, and while he sits and says he wouldnt do that to me, how could I believe that when he did it to his parents?

We think he is on drugs, be we dont know for sure.

One part of me feels very bad accusing him of c**p and being mad, because I remember being that age and being mad at the world. But I never stole from my family.

His parents arent being parental and havent been for several years, and if I do say something to them, its just going to make his situation worse, in a way that I dont agree with.

How do I help him?

Answer 1

I am sorry this has happened to you but I am a straight foward person and I really dont mean to be rude but ARE YOU STUPID! I know it sounds cruel, but I and my husband are going through some the same things with a couple of cousins of ours And for a while thats how we were! I do have one question that you may not even know the answer to...what drugs are being done? You say you think he is on drug...hunny bear I can tell you right now he is. Unless he was never around any decent adult he knows stealing is wrong and what he was probably doing was buying things and then selling and trading them for the drugs. I am also very sorry to tell you this next part...you have to leave him alone...for two reasons. the first is so he can get a reality dose of the real world...but everyone has to do it not just you...second so you dont get hurt anymore.with our cousins this worked with one...with in 2 months he admitted to everything he had done and went to a rehab..he has been doing great for 1 year now.  the other is still doing his own thing, drugs, random s*x...u name it.  see its not up to you to help him, it is up to themselves.  what we did was set them down seperately and told them they had to make a desion. the family or the partying and drugs. and we told them if they chose the drugs to not come around untill they wanted to help themselves. and as for their parents they just turned a blind eye for almost 2 years and let all of this go on under their roof. untill the boys had stolen 500$ worth of change, 4 shot guns, various meds that were need by grandpa, and tons of dvds and cds, plus and cash or change lieing around. his parents have to realize this just like you do..I am not trying to sound harsh but its the truth. let him find out for himself...that way if he does get sober he will want to stay that way.....by the way if you dont beleive me on the fact that he is doing drugs you can go to almost any store like meijer, the pharm, walgreens, rite aid, ...and get home grug test for almost any kind of drug. to let you know now though if it is pills he is doing test him on a day that you are almost positive that something is up because most pills only stay in your system for 24 hours.   good luck  

Answer 2

You have every right not to be violated. If he was in your house and the friends there were his friends or even if they were your friends. You have the right to ban any and everyone who are suspected. If they were your friends and you trust them, then you probably know already who did this.

It doesn't matter if it were 10 dollars or 10 cents. No one has any business takeing what doesn't belong to them, especially out of your home.

You are doing right to protect your home. If nothing else, you will get the attention of the person who is guilty of doing it and, if you were allow them to finally come back in, they will most likely think twice before doing it again.

Stick to your guns, your doing the right thing!

Answer 3

You can't help someone who is not looking to be helped.  It's unfortunate but true.  His actions are the result of his parents' lack of discipline.  You need to be a parent to children as early as the day they are born.  If you wait until they are 19 and out of control, it is way too late.

Sorry