How do I help my 4 year-old overcome not wanting to say goodbye at preschool?

Question

This year was SOOO difficult when we'd drop her off in the mornings. She goes 2 days a week. Hoping next year when she goes 5 days it will be easier - did anyone have that experience?

I've tried charts, treats after school(both work for a short while), and I always do as quick a kiss and hug as possible so I don't linger too long there. . . . . what else can I do? I feel horrible for her, and it's so stressful for me. Please help if you can. We've got a whole summer to work on it before school starts, and she'll go to a summer camp for 2 weeks and also a sitter at least one day a week. Thank you for your help.

Answer 1

If your child has friends at preschool, then invite them over for play dates and vice-versa. Get to know them better, and make more of an effort to interact your child with other children in the preschool. During the summer, or days when there are so preschool, invite them over, or take them both to the park and let them get to know each other better. Then, the next time your child goes to school, he/she will be eager to go and meet up with their friends, and they wont bug you as much. As an added bonus, they'll be looking forward to going to preschool as well!

Answer 2

The same thing happend with my daughter, Best thing to do is take her to day care more often, so she can get use to staying there. When your going to the day care act excited talk about the providers and other kids that also go there. It gets easier.

Answer 3

make sure you do all your goodbyes before you get to the door.  start in the car talking about what to expect.  then when you get to the door of the classroom let the teacher know she's arrived, kiss and go.  don't hang, don't negotiate, just go.  as long as you stay she thinks she has a chance of you taking her with you.

also, what is the teacher doing with the classroom upon arrivals?  is it possible that she have activities set up that will encourage your daughter to come in and participate?

also, try letting her take a treat to share.  a bag of apples, box of crackers, etc.  kids love to share and it makes them feel important.  let her take something everyday for a week if it helps.  it's a low cost to pay to help her over this.

and, finally, when school starts in the fall don't fall into old habits.  explain that she's a big girl now and she's going and that's it.  what she's doing now is a learned behavior.  she needs to unlearn it over the summer so find her playgroups to go to that you have to leave her at so she keeps learning how to let go and move on.

Answer 4

I went through this with my daughter. She would scream and cry but the doctor says the best thing to do is to hug them and reassure them that you will be back to pick them up and tell them when you plan to come back. It took a few times but she got to where she would actually leave me and run ahead to her classroom. They say that if you show that you are upset about it that it makes it unsettling for them and can actually hinder the process. Most teachers would rather deal with it quickly and redirect the child into something else. If your daughter is so upset that they cannot calm her down, they will certainly call you to come back. It is hard on us as mothers to go through this as well as it is them but in time, she will get to where she doesn't care to leave you. Good luck.

Answer 5

just do it.

Answer 6

i am a preschool teacher, and this behavior is quite normal for some children. i would express my concerns to the teacher so they are aware of your child's reluctance. just a few comforting word and actions from the teacher and aide can go a long way. we tell them how happy we are to see them, that we would miss them if they weren't there, and that we will take very good care of them. we also ask them exactly why they don't want to come. once they feel that their feelings are recognized and understood, they usually feel much better. also, sending them more often is a good thing. i don't really believe in rewards and charts, because it makes the child feel that it really is a bad thing you are making them do. tell them that you are sending them because you love them, and it is good for them, and you know they can do it because they are such a big girl/boy. most of our children who cry when their parents leave at the beginning of the year, are done crying before the parent even gets down the hall. but be sure to talk to the teachers if you have any concerns, and a good teacher will definitely help the transition.

Answer 7

you probably should take her to preschool more than just 2 days a week. if you can, try to let her go 5 days a week. get her excited about it. my daughter hated daycare/preschool when she first started going at 1 and 2 years old. she freaked out everytime. you just have to kiss and say goodbye and leave. she will eventually learn to like preschool especially if they do fun activites. My daughter is now 3 and loves to go. I know its hard to walk away but sometimes you have to let them be independent and grow up a little bit. You dont want ther in kindergarten freakin out because you are not there and she has to go everyday.

Good Luck!