How do I help my GF with Borderline Personality Disorder?

Question

She has been in and out. It seems like she is backing out of our relationship because she knows she can't control herself. She turns from a sweet angel to a mean, hurting person. Ups and downs. uncontrollable compulsiveness, She says she has it when she's in her nice mode, and denies it when she's hateful. She is more this way with me it seems. She just don't see it all. She tells me she loves me when she's ok, but then hates me, despises me in a matter of 2 days.... No matter what I do. How do I convince her to get help? How can I help?

Answer 1

Girlfriend with BPD says: When we act like shites is when we need you most!

If you are really are planning on sticking around for the long haul, you also need to learn coping mechanisms. Tell your girlfriend you love her even though she's being horrid, if she gets worse say it again!

Only later, when she is calm, can you explain to her that you also, feel fear of rejection, particularly when she behaves like this towards you. Remember BPD is often incurable, and the best we can hope for is more effective coping mechanisms and some mellowing with age.

Answer 2

She needs some medication to settle her moods.  At least an antidepressant.  And possibly behavior therapy. She may over-react to abandonment badly if you break up.  Give her lots of love and support.

Answer 3

padded cell springs to mind

Answer 4

You are awesome for wanting to help her!  I have BPD though not to the extent of your gf....there really is nothing you can do to help, and I'm sure the ups and downs are hard for you.  The best thing for her is to get into counseling, specifically DBT. (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) This is a little different than just going to a counselor or therapist but it is targeted specifically for BPD.  

Answer 5

well with me because i also have it ..its a matter of staying calm,not fighting with me and(I'm not saying walk on eggshells) kinda watch what you say until i calm down then talk to me  (that's my experience) but as for getting  help you can't convince anyone to get help they have to want to do it themselves (help or meds didn't work for me I'm learning to control it myself  and its actually working great!

good luck

Answer 6

Hi,

I am 21 and have BPD. I hope your girlfiend has seen a professional but i am guessing she has if she as this diagnosis. Being a borderline and being connected with one are two very different and difficult things.

I think the main way for you both to be able to handle it is to first of all learn about it. There are some great books about BPD- check out books on amazon. These have really helped me see how some of my behaviours are borderline 'typical' and help me to avoid them. There are also books about knowing people with it which may help you. To live with it and cope you have to understand what your dealing with.

Your girlfriend cannot help some of her behaviours. People with BPD are likely to have outbursts of anger or violence, go through states of depression, fear being alone or abandoned, be manipulative, be self destructive by self harming and perhaps even suicidal...however this is only part of her personality and i am sure she has some great qualities to but the negitives are part of her personality disorder.

Although she cant help some of what she does, she does have some control also and can fight against carrying out these negitive traits but again she has to recognise them first and thats were reading up on the condition really helps.

What she is doing is not fair on you and even though she has the disorder it can be emotionally damaging on others too. When she is in "nice mode" you need to tell her how it affects you. Try to not sound like you are blaming her but state that you care about her and your relationship and you want to try and make things work but that means trying to find ways to cope with the BPD traits. You could agree that when shes in that mood that she will either walk away or let you walk away until the situation has defused. its small tactics like this that will need to be put in place to help control the problem.

I hope i have helped a little if you have any other questions feel free to email me

best wishes

x