How do I help my husband deal with loss?

Question

My brother in law died this year on my husbands birthday. He was a very good friend of mine and I find myself thinking about him alot and it basically hurts in my heart. My husband and his brother were very close due to growing up with a drunk mom and no dad they only had each other. How can I help my husband deal with this when it hurts so much ? Every time I try to talk about him I just start crying. I loved him very much. I also love my husband very much but I fear losing him now. The tragic circumstances surrounding his death (suicide) occurred about 5 hours after we talked to him and we didn't have a clue. and that makes it that much harder.

Answer 1

Hi Sweety, I lost a son to suicide early this year.  I cannot talk about it without crying and reminders are everywhere.  Encourage your husband...and you...to go to grief counseling and look for some survivors of suicide information online.  I still cannot do that even though I know it would probably help to know what I am feeling is okay.  Even though it's hard, you both need to feel okay to talk about your brother in law and please know the crying is okay.  You both need room to grieve, but do not let it be something that comes between you, but rather something that draws you together.

People will say things like...time will make it better...but right now you do not believe that...I know.  You will ask yourself a hundred times...why didn't I see and what could I have done.  It's okay to ask yourself that and it will always be nothing...but it will be a long time before you both believe that.

Take each day as it comes.  Some will be bad, some will be okay, but as time goes by there will be more okay than bad.  Don't hold back the good memories, but embrace them when they come...and they will as time goes by.  It's okay to celebrate your brother in laws life, don't let anyone make you feel that his life was any lesser because he commited suicide.

God Bless You and Be With You