How do I help my tween son when he fights me about personal hygiene?

Question

I do not want to give him a complex or make him feel bad about his body, but my son is truly fighting me about the whole hygiene thing lately. I'll ask him to go take a shower and he'll come out in less than five minutes (literally), so I know that he has just jumped in, got wet, and got out. We have caught him trying to lie to us about brushing his teeth but getting his toothbrush wet and putting it back in the holder. He just seems to have no interest in personal hygiene and it seems the more I hassle him about it, the more he avoids it. How can I get through to him the importance of this? Without making him feel dirty or bad or guilty?

Answer 1

maybe give hints like... girls like boys who smell good or something.  But not the Axe (cologne) type of smell-good.

I'm sorry you have this problem.  I would threaten him:  if you don't seriously take a shower with soap and everything, maybe I have to give you a bath like I did when you were little...

Answer 2

Maybe he doesn't know WHY he needs to brush his teeth and shower. Don't tell him it's for the girls - you should be honest and tell him that he needs those teeth for the rest of his life, so he'd better take care of them. Tell him that not showering can be unhealthy, and maybe give examples of what can happen.  

Answer 3

Sounds like more of a control issue. Can you give him more choices in other areas of his life, let him get some independence? maybe take him shopping for some "man-soap" or cologne, let him pick a deodorant. Either don't make a big deal about it, just take him shopping and ask him what he wants, or make a big deal and even buy him a razor, maybe? I doubt it would hurt him to shave that baby fluff, only make him feel more responsible for his appearance.

Answer 4

You know, there will come a point when his friends and peers will say "Hey, you smell!" He''ll probably get teased and picked on about it as well. Maybe having someone else tell him will make him realize if he doesn't want to be teased, he needs to shower and brush his teeth.

By not saying anything, he'll go on thinking it's fine to not take care of himself. Tell him you'll know longer take him places because of his lack of hygiene, if he wants to go out with you he'll have to bathe. He'll get tired of being stuck at home, and his only choice is to hit the soap and water.

Answer 5

My sister went through this phase.  I was like you, I didn't want to make her feel bad.   It got to the point where I actually had to say okay that's gross people in Africa would die to be in your shoes.  You have to make some consequences.  Say, okay if you choose not to clean yourself or brush your teeth, you have to stay off the computer or you can't go out with friends.  Something like that.  Good Luck!

Answer 6

Put your foot down and just tell him these are the house rules--teeth are to be properly brushed twice a day, he is expected to shower properly at least once a day, he is expected to wear clean cloting, etc.--and there are no exceptions to the house rules.  Tell him that if he can't abide by the rules, he will be monitored by you or your husband until he can--you will stand there and watch him brush his teeth, your husband will stand in the bathroom while he showers, etc.

Answer 7

when i was twelve, i was like that. it's so gross to think about but i was. i used to hate when my mom would tell me to shower every night and try to get my on a schedule. i eventually grew out of it.

what got me was seeing people with dentures at 40 and how bad hygiene can affect your body later in life. it scared me into showering like an insane person. i don't know how you could work that into conversation, but just some advice from someone who's been in your son's position. good luck.

Answer 8

leave him alone. i know it sounds ridiculous and counterproductive to your crusade, but it will probably work. think of it this way. your son is a young man, and do men response very well to nagging and promptings from women? no, not usually. so simply make all the cleaning products available, even have them out in plain sight, and see what happens in a week. otherwise you can go the tough love route and say so long as he does not clean himself to a reasonable level then he is not allowed to do certain things. such things could be he is not allowed to have friends over, or go out with friends, or go out with you. etc.

Answer 9

Leave him alone.  Let his friends clue him in when he starts stinking.  

Answer 10

I occasionally have this same issue with my 10 year old son.  I check my sons teeth after brushing and I will smell his hair/skin after a shower and can usually tell if he hasn't done a proper job.  If he hasn't showered or brushed I make him do it again, except I stand and watch him.  

He HATES it!  A tween is starting to want more privacy and independence so when mom watches him in the shower or brushing his teeth he gets pretty upset.  

He much prefers just doing it rather than face the consequence of mom watching!  So far I've only had to do this once or twice to get him to comply.

Answer 11

Tell him that no girls will go near him.

Answer 12

ask him does he know the effects of not cleaning himself... make him see what can happen... or let him figure it out on his own cuz kids will tease him sorry to say... let him figure it out and if he tells you about kids teasing him show him that you know the exact reason why and maybe then he will understand.

Answer 13

As people above me have said, tell him, "Girls don't like guys who don't shower/don't brush their teeth/don't comb their hair", etc.

Or let him pick out his own shower soap and toothpaste.

Answer 14

leave toothpaste and deodorant on his dresser. stop cleanin up after him, like his clothes and dishes. maybe he'll understand.

Maybe you could stop doing the dishes and make him see that you have to clean up what you use. On showers? maybe put a timer and say the shower has to run for 10 minutes or something before you can get out. theres nothing to do in a shower but wash yourself, right?

Maybe you could weigh the toothpaste and if its the same after a day or two he gets grounded or something for that night or the next. same thing with his shampoo i guess, weighing it to make sure is the only way that i see. smell his hair as soon as he gets out to make sure he didnt dump it down the drain. simple stuff.

If you see that he didnt do his clothes or wash his dishes, wait until the middle of the night, wake him up and make him do it. he'll start washing stuff so that he can get his rest. especially if you make him have to get up early too so he cant sleep in after he has to get up.

Hope I helped!

Answer 15

i am 12 years old and my brother is 9 he hates doing that stuff but my mom says when i was nine i liked takeing baths and brushing my teeth and i am still like that that is how boys are thay like doing other stuff thay want to smell bad my brother calls it the man smell

Answer 16

show him pictures of hobos and homeless people. much of them cant even find a place to wash up and do all of their personal hygiene chores. he might learn that what he is doing is not good at all.

Answer 17

its just a stage he is going through. believe it or not the majority of kids his age do the same thing. you can talk til you are blue in the face and he will still take a 2 min shower. its not worth the effort unless it becomes a big problem. if he walks around all day stinking or his teeth start to look rough then i would get on him. as soon as he starts liking girls and growing up, hitting puberty etc... he will be spending an hour in the bathroom! my daughter was this way and my mom said i was like this too. he will grow out of it.. good luck!

Answer 18

him not doing that will make him feel bad and guilty himself...kids at school will make fun of him...i gaurentee it and it will be horrible for him. if he wont listen to you maybe the kids teasing at school will change his mind.  

Answer 19

Try to scare him.  Just explain to him that girls do NOT find dirty boys attractive.  Hope I helped!

Answer 20

I would just tell him that pretty soon, other people will start to notice, too.  

Answer 21

Just wait.  Soon he will be taking 3 or more showers a day and covering himself in bottles of cologne.  I think all boys go through this stage.