How do I introduce my future stepson?

Question

I am 25 years old and just had my first child, named Jason. My fiancee, Dave, is 33 and has a seven year old son, Travis, that he has custody of. His mom is still in the picture but at times it would probably be better if she weren't, and I feel that I have taken on the role of his mother quite well. I have been in his life since he was three and we have lived together for the last two years. With his friends he calls me his mom, but when they're not around he calls me by name. Which I don't mind.

I love him like my own, but I don't know how to introduce him. As bad as it may sound, I don't want people thinking I had him right out of high school by saying "These are our two boys," but also don't want him to feel bad if I say "This is Travis, Dave's son," as though I wouldn't want to claim him.

Should I just suck it up and let people think what they will? Or am I being over sensitive about Travis taking offense?

Answer 1

Why not say "These are our boys in the house...,"Who cares if they think that you had travis at such a young age.You are with your fiancee..who cares?

You shouldnt let travis feel that you cant accept him as your own son specially infront of other people.You wouldnt want him to have doubts on you.

  So goodluck!

Answer 2

I would introduce them as "our boys" as long as the mother is ok with that, you don't want trouble with her for "replacing" her.

If people think things about you, that's there fault. If they want to be friends they will find out the truth and if they don't, they will be gossiping about you one day and say something and someone will correct them and then they'll feel bad - and they'd deserve to.

Travis obviously wants a normal life as he calls you mom in front of his friends so he can be a kid with two parents in his home. If that's what makes him happy, try not to care what strangers think.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with saying "these are our son's".  You are not stating whom belongs to whom, just that the two of them belong to you both.

Answer 4

He is your son.  To differentiate him from your other child is demeaning and make him feel second best.  

How about 'these are out boys, Jason and Travis'  Who cares what people think and anyone who is a real friend knows the story anyways.  

Answer 5

let them think what they will. I know a 23 yo mom with a 2 yo who has an 8 yo step-daughter. she introduces them both as her kids.

Answer 6

If you love him like your own then it shouldn't matter what other people think. Who cares if people think you had him right out of high school? I would introduce him as you son. If he refers to you as his mom then obviously he feels a very strong connection to you. I think you should just tell people that they are your boys!  

Answer 7

He's not your son, but he's more than just some random kid.  When you introduce him, say, "This is My step son, Travis."  

Answer 8

As awkward as it may be, you should still refer to him as your son.  It will give Travis some self esteem and make your fiancee feel good also.  I know how you feel, I also have a step son who is 13 and also my daughter from my first marriage who is 13.  For me, I don't want to confuse people by them thinking that the two of them are twins!  It is so much more confusing when step children are involved.  As long as your family is happy, that's all that counts.  Good Luck!

Answer 9

I think you should call him your son.  As he gets older and you introuduce him as your son, he'll know you love him.  If you don't he'll always feel a rift between you two.

Answer 10

Call him what you're comfortable with, and don't worry what strangers think. :) Who cares? Those who know you, know the situation, and that's what matters... The point is, he's part of your family, and it's best to introduce him as such... Good luck!

Answer 11

i would just suck it up let ppl think what they want u seem to care abouthim alot and u don't want to hurt the kids fellings  

Answer 12

Tell people that he is your son. When my mom and dad divorced when I was 6, y step-mom and dad would tell people that my bro, sister and I were their kids. They would says, "This is my son and daughter's." He does call you mom at times too. There is nothing wrong with it. He is your step-SON. When people want to know more, then you explain that he is your husband's child from a prior engagement, but you are stepping you to the plate.

I think that it is best to do it now. Even now that you have a biological kid with your husband. It might not let Travis fell out of the picture now that you have Jason.

KWIM? Good luck. Being a step-parent is hard!  

Answer 13

As time passes along, you won’t worry so much about what others think and you’ll just do what comes natural. I used to defend myself all the time and eventually I realized I had nothing to prove to anyone. I was and continue to be a good person to my stepdaughter. I love her with all my heart and if a person thinks that’s a bad thing? Well where was I when that memo came out?

Let your stepson just simply be himself, let him call you whatever he feels most comfortable with. You may not be his mother but you are an authorative figure in your home and he needs to at least respect you. Which it seems he does just fine already in doing so.

I always introduce my stepdaughter as just that…”This is my stepdaughter so and so”

My stepdaughter has always called me Mom. She knows I’m not her mother and she knows who her mother is, but she still chooses to call me Mom. We’ve always raised her to call me by my first name and she just did what she was most comfortable with. If people ask her if I’m her Mommy, she says no, that her Mommy is at home and I’m her Mom….her stepmom. I think it’s adorable and well, rock on to my little girl for knowing exactly what’s going on. She knows what she’s doing….just loving every person in her life. She doesn’t know any other way….

I’ve also been in my stepdaughter’s life since she was 1 ½ yrs old and she was my “first child”. So quite honestly, I am respectable about how we do things, but I stopped caring what other people thought a long time ago…..

Answer 14

Why not leave out "these are my children" and just say "hi Joe, I'm Mary, and this is Travis and Jake."  I also think it's appropriate to say this is my son Jake and my step-son Travis.  Even though you're not married yet, he has been in your life for quite some time.  It's just not official yet.