How do I invite just a few family members to my wedding and not others?

Question

I have a wedding concern. I am getting married on July 25th this upcoming year at my church. Due to finances I am having a small wedding and can not afford to invite all of my huge family. I want my only Aunt on my mom's side to be there because she partly raised me, but I don't want to hurt the feelings of 7 Aunts and Uncles (and their families) on my dad's side by not inviting them. My dad passed away in '92 so I haven't been close to that side of the family in recent years. My husband-to-be has no problem with his invites because his family is very small, and we have decided to make it just a family affair (which is our way of telling friends without sparking hard feelings). I have no idea what to say to extended family, I can't pretend it's not happening when we visit for the holidays. Also I don't know how to not invite church members, since I'm getting married at the church.

Answer 1

If you're not close to your dad's side of the family then they probably won't notice that they aren't invited. Maybe send out some post wedding announcements to let everyone you couldn't invite know that you had a small private ceremony.

Answer 2

verry harshh best way is get married inanother country and that way only so many people will turn up coz they dont relly want to cash out so much money they aint go to go to (werever) just to see your wedding lol and contrats :)

Answer 3

so if you only invite your aunts and uncles on your fathers side, It's only 14 other ppl.

Answer 4

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. My Aunt (also like a second mom to me) is an "honorary guest" in our wedding party. I simply could not imagine NOT having her in my wedding party, supporting me. however, I have two other Aunts that are simply guests at the wedding, and they're totally okay with not being recognized because they understand that my other Aunt and I are extremely close.

If I were you, because you do have to exclude a lot of your family members, i would have your small wedding, and then a few weeks later host a family dinner and invite those that couldn't make it. Make it a casual, BBQ event and share pictures from the day, stories, etc. That will make every feel somewhat included.

As for them not getting invites to the actual event, just say that you want a very, very intimate ceremony and let them know that many other family members are not being invited as well. I'm not gonna lie, they'll probably be upset just because they are family, but it's your choice and you should stick with what you feel is right to do.

But, if you can find room in your budget, I would try to invite them. You never know, sometimes weddings bring people back together. My fiance and his brother have been really distant for the past 10 years, never  talk, just cordial with each other, and then once we got engaged, they've become best friends again. It's really nice. That could happen with your dad's side of the family.

However, I don't know your family, so only you ca decide if it's worth it to do that.

Good luck with everything and congratulations on your wedding.

Answer 5

Explain it just as you have here.  Due to finances, you have to limit your guest list.  

It's not likely that the aunts & uncles on your father's side will even know that your aunt on your mother's side is invited.  If they do find out, and ask about it, simply say that she was an important part of your upbringing, and not having her there would be like not having your mom there.

With regard to the church members...Honestly, that occurs to me as being weird, but I think it's a custom that happens often in some churches (not any church that I've ever been to, though).  Just don't invite them.  If they ask, just say, due to finances, we've had to limit the guest list.  If anyone has a problem with that, it's their problem, not yours...expecting to be invited to someone's wedding just because you know them is poor etiquette.  They'll get over it.

Answer 6

For solution on inviting church members - tell one or two of them (pick some of the more outgoing church members, the ones who talk to everyone all the time) that you aren't able to host a large reception, and you hope that people will be willing to come to your wedding even though you can't have them at the reception. If you've picked the right one or two then word will get out. Either people won't come, or they'll understand that they can only come to the wedding.

Some people may be offended, but if anyone expects you to throw a party beyond your means then they will get offended by common sense regularly. And someone may offer to host a potluck for you with the church members afterwards, to celebrate in lieu of a reception.  

Answer 7

It will be fine on your mom's side. Tell the others if they ask that you had a close family wedding, but I think you should at least invite you daddy's parents. Just a suggestion.  

Answer 8

Send out wedding announcements, not invitations.  It is perfectly acceptable to announce your happy event and include the information that the union will take place in a very private, personal ceremony on July 25, 2009; do not include the actual location where the ceremony will take place.

However, if at all possible, have a potluck type reception at your mom's or even a local park (least expensive way I know to have a big party with lots of good food).  

People understand not having a big wedding; just put out the word (on the grapevine -- get your mom to call and chit chat with a few ladies, and the news will travel for you!) that you couldn't afford a big wedding, and in your announcement include a note that you would both very much appreciate their sharing a celebration in honor of your union by joining you at a potluck -- if you feel funny about not providing refreshments, say that in place of wedding gifts you are requesting everyone bring a dish to pass and include a copy of the recipe for the bride instead.

Above all, enjoy your day.  It's about you and your fiance, and after a while what happened or who attended your wedding won't matter -- but he still will . . .