How do I involve my 5yo soon-to-be stepdaughter in our ceremony?

Question

She's the flower girl and will also be wearing our rings around her neck until we need them in the ceremony. She's a bit too young for "vows" but i'd like to involve her somehow so she feels like she's a part of the actual ceremony.

Answer 1

Have you considered a sand ceremony?

Instead of having 2 colours have three. She pours in the sand along with you and your FH and you are now joined (in theory) and unseperable.

Example wording:

Minister:  _________ and _________, today you are making a life-long commitment to share the rest of your lives with each other and honor your children as well. Your family relationship is symbolized through the pouring of these individual containers of sand; one, representing you, _________ and all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be, one representing you, _________, and all that you were and all that you are, and all that you will ever be and another container for each child. There are children who will share in this marriage. _________ will now come forward to help us with the Blending of the Sands. The gathering of this new family will have a deep influence upon them. We realize that in order for the home to be a happy one, it is essential that there be love and understanding between the children and the adults being married.

As you each hold your sand the separate containers of sand represent your lives to this moment; individual and unique. As you now combine your sand together, your lives also join together as one family.



An example of using sand in the

Blending of the Family ceremony  

You may now blend the sand together symbolizing the uniting of the children and bride and groom into one.

Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so will your marriage and your family be.

Answer 2

Being a flower girl is plenty participation for a five year old.  

However, to include her more in the vows portion of the ceremony, purchase a piece of jewelry for her that you can present to her during the ceremony as a symbol of the blending of families.

Take care!

Answer 3

I have heard the often when two families with a child or children often involve them in the ceremony by have a family commitment vowe or something to that effect. Its a promise that your new family will unite as one. She wouldnt have to say much at all, if even anything. She would just be up there, and then maybe  you can all light a candle or something

Answer 4

Just have fake rings around her neck and have the maid of honor and best man have the real rings.  She is involved in the wedding as the flower girl, and all she needs to do is stand there during your vows, she can stand near the maid of honor and your words may include her in the vows.  

Answer 5

I just gave mine a pretty white braclet....she got shy out of nowhere and wouldn't let me put it on her but everyone knew she loved me and understood so I didn't feel bad and the day went great.

Answer 6

Have the officient work her name into the ceremony, or perhaps say something about you joining her and her Dad to make a whole loving family.  

Answer 7

My 5 year old daughter (FHs soon-to-be stepdaughter) will be included in our ceremony.  We are not doing vows with her but we are doing some special things to include her.

She will be our flower girl - which i think is what she is looking forward to more than anything else.

Instead of my father giving me away we are asking the blessing of our families.  My parents will be asked if they give their blessing, then FH's parents and then our celebrant will turn to my daughter and ask if it's ok for him to marry Mummy and Pop-pop today?  My daughter is quite outgoing but will take any opportunity to do something the same as her nanny so if my mum says it's ok then she can get my daughter to say it's ok! (even if it takes a little persuasion on the day)

From the first meeting we had with our celebrant my daughter has been included.  She's been told that she can be the special helper on the day and that if she just wants to sit with her Nanny that's ok too.

Our celebrant will mention my daughter when saying something about how Fh and i met and also when we are presented after signing the register we will be presented not as Mr and Mrs X but as the newest .... family - bride, groom and daughter.

My MOH and the best man will hold our rings so if my daughter is shy they can present them, but if she is up to it the rings will be taken from the adults by my daughter and given to the celebrant so they don't get lost halfway between home and the venue.

This is just what we decided to do but there are other options out there.  I've heard of unity ceremonies with single flowers, jewellery and sand but they just didn't seem right for my daughter.  They might suit you though so if you are interested do a search for sand ceremony, rose ceremony, or unity ceremony.

Good luck!