How do I juggle a full-time (very stressful) job, maintaining a home and spending time with my daughter?

Question

I am desperate to find an answer on how to balance and juggle everything that's going on in my life right now. I have a stressful full time job that I absolutely hate that doesn't pay well, & an apartment that never seems to be clean enough. On weeknights when I come home from work, I have help b/c my husband will be there to bathe my daughter and spend time with her while i'm cooking and cleaning. We spend almost 1 1/2 hrs trying to put her to bed then it's getting everthing ready for the next day. My only concern is on the weekends when I finally get the chance to spend time with my daughter. She's 2 and boy has time flown. I resent not being able to spend all my time with her but when the weekend comes, there's a million things to do and I feel bad b/c I inadvertantly ignore my daughter b/c I am distracted with other things that need to be done. How do I get chores/errands done & spend quality time with my daughter all at the same time? I really have alot of guilt over this.

Answer 1

I know how you feel I'm a full time working mum too (40hrs) and have a partner who is an arthitus sufferer.

We have only one child a fantastic 4 year old girl who is very energetic.

Our day starts @ 7am up dressed, breakfast, lunch box made the night before and ready for leaving at 8.30.

gets to school/ Nursery for 8.45 leave for work. Arrive at work at 9.10am and finish at 5.30pm. Pick up from after school club at 5.55pm and head home for tea (which dad has made)

chill out with a bit of supper and t.v then bed for 7.30pm. read story and say goodnight. Start on chores for the evening. Sit down 10pm watch eastenders make sarnies then bed. this i sthe same for the rest of the week as i want to get all chores done so we can spend time together as a family.

I would advise the best thing to do is to not try and do all chores in the same night and to split them up through the week. e.g Monday clean down kitchen and scrub floor

Tue: clean bathrooms x3. Wed: go shopping for the week Thur: vac and polish all down stairs. Fri: start washing clothes and genaral tidy. Sat morning Vac and polish up stairs aswell as down again (x2 pets) strip beds and re-make While young un has breakfast with dad and spends some time with dad in the garden or he'll take her for a short walk. During the week it's very rare that we are sat down before 10pm everynight. but it keeps us fit....

Then we spend the whole weekend with the young un doing what ever she wants to do which normally incudes a walk or a trip to the park. as long as you try and spend at least half an hour of QUALITY time with your child every day they should be happy but nothing else should interfear with that time.

Sunday night is normally the mad one with baths, ironing and lunches to do. But i don't stop until i have done the chores for that particular night coz i know they will just build up.

If you don't drive see if your husband will do the shopping for the week if you write a list he can't go wrong. I won't send my partner to the shop as he still thinks he's single and buys for one. Good luck and i think that by writing down a routine will help you out the most. but don't do it all its a shared house not just yours...

Answer 2

To help ease the stresses of cooking dinner you can try a few things that I love to cut down on time.  Crock pots are great!  I put a roast in mine in the morning before I leave for work.  Mix a packet of onion soup mix with 1/2 cup water & pour over the meat, turn it on low, and let it slow cook all day.  Then you only have to put together the side dishes.  Also, try making things that freeze well.  When you make lasagna, make a double batch and freeze half.  Then just put it in the fridge so it can thaw and pop it in the oven when you get home.

Don't try to clean the WHOLE house.  Do one room a day.  By the end of the week the whole house gets done.  Try to do one load of laundry each day so that you don't spend a whole afternoon working on laundry.

Alternate days with your husband.  You said he gets to spend time with her while you cook and clean.  Set up a schedule so that every other day one of you cooks and the other gets to play with your daughter.

Make a family play day.  Pick one Saturday per month where you don't cook or clean all day.  Keep your meals simple, cereal for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch and dinner.  Go do something as a family like the park or the zoo.

If your job really is a bad as you say it is, re-evalute the value of working.  Write down how much money it brings you.  Then subtract everything that you pay that you wouldn't if you were a stay-at-home-mom.  Be as exact as you can.  If you use 1/2 a tank of gas every week driving to & from, write it down.  How much is daycare costing you?  Do you only get paid enough to pay for gas and daycare?  If yes, then it probably isn't worth the stress or the time away from your little girl.

I hope this helps.  Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

Wow. we're in the same boat!

I also work full time and I am enrolled in college (going just one night a week and taking online courses where I can) and I'm a single mom.. which means no hubby to help pay bills or assist with daily chores.

I've felt really guilty too b/c it seems like I never have time with my son!

But.. this is what I started doing. Include your daughter in your chores. I know it may sound stupid, but lemme tell you - my son (14 months) gets so tickled when I let him pull clothes out of the dryer and put them in the laundry basket. When I'm loading up the washer, I set him on top of the dryer, and he loves watching the clothes go in and hearing the sound of the k***s turning. He'll even do the hand motion for me to turn the k**b after the washer is full.

Whenever I'm doing dishes or cooking dinner, I'll set his high chair up near me in the kitchen and give him some paper and crayons or some snacks.  And I'll just have a conversation with him basically telling him what I'm doing.. asking if his snack is good.. or telling him how pretty his drawings are.

Laundry - I always have two laundry baskets. One, he plays with. As I'm going through the clothes to fold them, I'll throw pajamas, socks, underwear, things like that into the basket he has. He has a blast pulling them out and playing with the basket. And in the mean time I am folding up all of the other clothes. He has fun getting more clothes in his basket, and it's a great way to incorporate some play time during chore time.

And when it's bath time, I'll put him in the tub, and clean the bathroom while he is playing. He typically throws toys at me, and I'll throw them back in the tub. And it's a fun game to him and allows me to get the bathroom clean. =)

And when cleaning the floors - allow your daughter to help hold the broom or vacuum.

Hope these tips help!!!

But don't feel guilty about being away from your daughter. You are providing for her and that is so important!

Oh - and try to do as much during the week as you can. I know - it's hard between work, dinners, baths, etc. But you can do it. Give yourself one day a week (either saturday or sunday) where it's a mommy and me day. Take your daughter to the park, go to feed ducks, etc. Just have fun and don't stress!!!

Good luck!

Answer 4

Do only the BASIC chores....many older Mothers have told me that they regret spending so many precious moments doing housework....as long as the floors, cooking areas and toilets are clean...the rest can wait. So what if it is dusty or there are toys on the floor? Personally I iron NOTHING unless there is a special occasion...I hang thinhs up damp and then they are fine to wear. That saves hours.

Answer 5

well when u get ready for work in the mornings, get ur daughter to help u out. for example ask her to help you make breakfast or sumthing, this way she is happy that she is spending time with u, and kids usually like to help out aswell.

wen u come home from work, make dinner etc wen u are putting her to bed read her a story, kids love books and it only has to be a short story, it should also help her to get to sleep. Also make sure u tell her that u love her EVERYDAY!

it means the world to them even if they dont fully understand what it is.

on the weekends, do ur grocery shopping (say on saturday) and take ur daughter with you, they love shopping and its an automatic mother and daughter bonding moment. even if u cannot do it on the weekend u can do it on a weekday and take her aswell.

also, wen u are making dinner, at the same time u can talk to her e.g. "how was pre-school today" or "what did you do today" etc.

make sure u spend every second u hav with ur daughter, bcuz every second u waste you will regret and will neva get it back, Time is of the essence and so is your daughter.

Answer 6

I know, it's hard.  I don't think there is a perfect answer, because you are right - sometimes it is just impossible to do it all. My first suggestion would be to work with your husband to shorten the bedtime routine - then you'll be able to have a little quality time in the evening.  Maybe just 1/2 hour to play and read, but believe me, it goes a long way towards making you feel better.  I don't know what your financial situation is, but if your job is that bad you might consider looking for another one or quitting altogether. Can you go part time?

Also, your house doesn't have to be perfect. Sometimes my house isn't as clean as it should be - but that's ok.

Answer 7

i am a mum of 2 young kids and i also wrk and have to manage a house the best thing to do is get up an hour earlier then u can do ur washing and things then b4 wrk get ur husband 2 make tea certain nights of the week tht gives u extra time with ur child!  set ur self a routine and u will notice when things r more organised u ahve more time!

bt the sounds of it u r feeling sorry for urself there are lots of parents in this world who have kids n have to keep a full time job and run a home with out any help!

make cleaning fun at the weekends get ur child to help as i know my kids love it when asked to wipe things down with a cloth turn it all into a game