How do I keep a mentor but set him straight about the situation?

Question

I had been looking for an mentor or coach who could advice me on marketing ideas for my books. I discovered this individual on a PBS radio broadcast, called and he agreed to meet with me to discuss my project. We have met twice. I pay for because he is doing me a favor.

The problem is he wants to touch me, tries to hold my hand and wants to hug when we part. Even if he were my type, I never engage in an intimate relationships with colleagues and told him so. He said he wants no money or compensation in return but to be my friend and help me.

I am not willing to meet again until I get this straight and clear with him. He called me before he left for Mexico City and I was short and abrupt but cordail on the phone.

He is full of knowledge about the things I need to know and could most likely be an asset.

Should I look for another mentor or coach? I am angry with myself becacuse at this age I still do not know how to properly handle such situations for myself, please help.

Answer 1

honestly, go find a new coach.  i doubt seriously that this situation can be rectified.

Answer 2

YOu have two choices...say to him, weeither keep this on a strictly professional basis or we're through; or, if you don't think that will work, find somebody else and tell this guy when it's a done deal that he's out...I assume you have no contract...

Answer 3

Look for someone else. He is not the only person that can mentor... You know, simply using a mentor may mean you need help in other ways, so some may think.

Good Luck

Answer 4

I would look for someone else, and make sure he doesn't slander you if you ever need him as a reference.

He should know better than this, and probably does.  But is still not behaving profesionally.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Remind him of the fact that you just want to be friends. Tell him that the physical contact makes you uncomfortable and ask him to please stop. Make it clear that if he can't or won't that you will happily find another mentor.

In the meantime look for a new mentor. Even if you choose to and can work things out with this one you might find one who's even better.

Answer 6

Yes, you have done everything right in setting boundaries so far. he is an *** taking advantage of the situation.

The first thing you should do is thank him for his time and tell him his services are no longer needed. Be firm, codial, and even curt. leave him a voice mail while he is gone, then don't take his calls or respond to any messages.

He was not doing you a favor, you paid him for his services, just like when you og to a store. so that was the first line of c**p he sold you and you bought. I hate this ind of stuff.

Beyond that your instincts are right. Regardless of what he may have told you he is far from the only person that can help you in that area.

A good way to look for tohers is to find the Q and A section on LinkedIn.com - It works kind of like this site, but is geared towards professional questions.

I have seen others post and discuss about book marketing there, but I leave it to you as an exercise to find the exact forum.

Answer 7

First, It's illegal for him to be doing that.  It's called sexual harassment, simple as that.  You honestly and upfront told him you don't get involved with colleagues.  Shame on him for making you uncomfortable!  You would need to  limit your meetings to over the phone or find another mentor.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Be careful with men because there is always a hidden agenda for every deal.

Answer 9

You are right about wanting to clear things up before meeting with him again. It's too bad he cannot understand that you are looking for a mentor and friend, but not an intimate relationship.  If he cannot be just a friend then I am afraid you will have to go elsewhere, which is sad.

Don't be mad at yourself.

Answer 10

Unless you are prepared to graciously allow him to interact the way he obviously wants to, then you need to look for someone else - you two are not well suited for one another.