How do I keep from crying at the idea of abortion being better than adoption??

Question

I am shocked and physically sickened at some of the answers I've seen here.. People who say that abortion is BETTER than adoption.. I cannot understand it..

Let me tell you a bit about myself

At 16 and still no period, I eventually found out I will never have my own biological children.

My brother married at 22, now has two beautiful children (3 and 4 months).. I love those children..

I'm 27.. never married, and don't know when or if (not for lack of wanting to) I will ever marry.. But I want so badly to be a mother.. Either way.. there's only one way I could ever be a mother.

I have done more research into abortion methods, what actually happens to the BABY.. HOW it's killed.. (Face it people! It's heart is beating.. it is alive..then it is dead).. I've done more research than many women who've had 3 abortions..

How can I not get sick and cry when people saying that abortion is better than adoption??

I think I'm really depressed right now..

Answer 1

i understand exectly what you are saying~it makes me cry to, i never thought i would have kids either and now i have  2 year old and another on the way, but honey some people just don't care about anyone but themselves. good luck and best wishes.

Answer 2

It depends on what part of the world you live in. In a 3rd world country where there is no resources for adoption agencies I would hate to see the poor child have to literally starve to death.

It can go both ways.

There are illegal dirty abortion houses where sometimes the patient dies because of malpractice but is willing to take the chance because of a unwanted pregnancy.

Answer 3

I personally am not for abortion but I do not look down upon woman who do it for health reasons or  a few select other reasons. I totally disagree and get upset when irresponsible woman use abortion as birth control.  I am so sorry to hear that you cannot have children. Be strong though and just think when/if you adopt you are giving a child a chance. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

waste less time fixating on this and more time volunteering in your community (and not just a picketing)

Answer 5

Because some of us live adoption.  Adoption  has been known to kill adoptees.  I know several adoptees who have committed suicide.  I know of many cases where the adoptive parents have killed the adoptee. Some of us have been hurt badly by adoption.  I too have wished that I could have been aborted.  Thus being born into a family that really wanted me and who I looked like.

Answer 6

some people only think of themself and care nothing about human life. its murder pure and simple

Answer 7

Hmm well since you are infertile you never have to worry about having an abortion now do you?

I cannot believe the mysognistic and Puritanical views spewed on this post.

What I do with my body, is my choice. Frankly it is no ones business, and if I wanted 10 abortions that would be my perogative.

You sound rather hysterical in your "question". Perhaps you need to take a step back, go pick some flowers, and take a walk in a nearby meadow.

No matter what you think, nor the vitriol that you and your ilk sputter, you will not be able to stop abortion. I suggest you get over it.

Answer 8

i just wanted to leave a comment about something that had happened to me with this topic.

im adopted. my birth mother was 16 and fooled around on prom nite. nine months later there i was and she gave me up because she knew that i would have it better.

i was at a debate a few months back about  partial birth abortion being legal. fyi for those of you who wonder why its illeagal thats where they deliver the baby put the head inside the mother n suck its brains out with a needle. the head is left in so that the mother cant hear it scream in pain as it dies. each one of the pro speakers got up and said how those of us who are adopted live terrible second rate lives and abortion is better than adoption because no one could ever love us. and basically we are second rate people who dont deserve to live.

so yeah all of you people who think abortion is so great im pretty sure many people you know even in ur family wouldnt exisit if someone along the way aborted. in my family alone i wouldnt be here my mother wouldnt be here and my uncle. which means my uncles kids wouldnt be here and their kids wouldnt be here either.  whole generations would be gone and we will eventually abort ourselves out of existence if it becomes any more acceptable to use it as birth control.

Answer 9

If you don't like the opinion, stay away from those people.  It is their opinion and they are entitled to it.

Answer 10

Chin up Shelly, there are many people who feel adoption is better then abortion. I suppose some adoptees who may have had a bad life experience wish they had been aborted. A biological child who has a bad life experiences in their bio family will wish they had never been born.  Life is not rosey and peachy for anyone adopted or not.

Good for you doing research I have seen some pictures of abortion and it sickens me as well. I could never do that to my child. You’re probably right you’ve probably done more research on it then many women who get abortions some who sadly use it as a means of birthcontrol.  It seems so many woman take getting pregnant for grantee when there are many woman like yourself where a pregnancy will never be a possibility.

I am gratefully that my birthmother didn’t abort me. Another reason I could never do it to my own child.

Instead of having heart aces over this because there will always be women who will choose to abort for whatever reason, some will feel killing the unborn child is better then adoption. That said there  will also always be women who will not abort but instead find good parents for their birthchild. When they for whatever reason can not parent themselves or simple don't want to.  

And hey why not start doing some light research on adoption see what agencies are out there their criteria  even foreign countries if you have ever considered adopting outside the country.  Research all the kinds of adoption that are available.

Answer 11

I think you are personally involved in the abortion/adoption issue and have no way of being objective about it. It reminds me of the time I had a miscarriage and was obviously very sad -- and I was doing pretty well except when I went to work and heard a baby crying, I nearly broke down. How could anyone just let a baby cry? It still and always has saddened me to think that there are people who can just let a beby cry but, most of the time in my life I can be rational about it and distance my self from the situation and or not listen, or even know that it's just none of my business how other people choose to raise their kids. But, because I was feeling so sad about having lost a baby, I could not be rational about it when I heard a baby crying. You have a unique personal story about how you feel about abortion and it is totally understandable. However, I really do believe that someone else has the right to have or not have a baby based on their own life and their own personal experiences -- and you don't have the right to impose your viewpoint on them when it comes to them choosing to have a baby or an abortion or even when it comes to when or if they are ready to be sexually active. I absolutely wish we lived in a world where abortions were never necessary and every child grew up to be wanted and loved. No one should have s*x until they are ready to bare the burden of having a baby -- but, it doesn't work that way in the real world. Making abortion illegal will not eliminate abortions. Women who have money will still get abortions, only they will be far more dangerous. Women who can't afford an "underground abortion" will be having far more unwanted babies who will then need to be supported themselves. Education is so much the key -- educate girls so they know what's involved in becoming sexually active, educate both sexes so they understand about the risks of getting pregnant and the details of abortion. And educate all girls in all areas so they will see that their world offers so many wonderful opportunities for them beyond teenage motherhood.

I am so sorry that thinking about abortion brings you such pain. Know that your pain is personal and that your right to make judgements that effect others should not be based on that. I think you should look into getting help to come to terms with the limitation your situation has presented you with. There are definitely support groups for infertile women and you may find it very helpful to talk to other women who share and understand your pain in a way that most of us can't.

Answer 12

i will never think abortion is better than adoption. my aunt is 37 and married for 7 years and still wanting a child which she will do anything to have. when she was young she had an abortion and now she is facing the effects. she has done even the fertility program but it didn't work, prayed to God but still no answer. she is stiil trying. i'm 18 and pregnant. when i found out i also had toughts of abortion and keeping the baby but could hardly decide. But with God's strenght im keeping the baby. abortion is not good, be strong and u should consider adoption.

Answer 13

My husband I cannot have kids either. I understand where you are coming from. I don't like the idea of someone aborting a baby that my husband and I could care for. It makes me very sad. But the fact of the matter is that people will do what they want. We live in a godless country and I don't know what it is going to take to change that.

Answer 14

i fail to see the connection between your infertiliy and another woman's reproductive choice.

regarding abortion, NO body would deny that the procedure results in the termination of a pregnancy. hence, many try to support legislation to PREVENT UNINTENDED PREGNANCIES IN THE FIRST PLACE.--but somehow, i think that would go against your agenda.

ironcially, many who want less abortions, also want less contraception and s*x education to prevent *gasp* unintended pregnancies!

also, i find it ironic that many who are so pro-fetus, are quick to defund programs such as head-start, medicaid, and other programs to help "living breathing" children.

i'm sorry you are depressed. but i do not think your depression gives you the right to expect women to gestate so that you can parent.

Answer 15

I think you have to keep in mind that people speak from their own experience. If someone tells you that they would have been better off aborted, you are the one being insensitive and even cruel if you tell them that they are wrong.

Not everyone believes that unwanted babies should be brought willy-nilly into the world. Those of us who have lived with the emotional and physical consequences of our mothers being forced to carry us unwillingly have more than mere theory to justify our beliefs.

You wish for something that has not happened. Your situation is unfortunate: something you need to face and work through. There is a necessary grief process, certainly.

However, we grieve for something that has actually happened. Don't make it worse by complaining that our pain treads on your sensibilities.

Answer 16

Suppose you are 15, have been raped by your uncle several times since 13, and now you find out your pregnant, by your uncle. How do you deal with a situation such as this. Not all people get abortions because they are irresponsible. I, by no means, agree with abortions for those who use drugs, are alcoholics, and get pregnant all the time. However for those who are in rough situations, how do you suppose they live with this their entire life. There are so many difficulties in both adopting out and aborting. However some reason are better for each way out. The ultimate problem isn't abortion. It's why these people are getting pregnant in the first place? Obviously rape is no match, but for those who have s*x just to do so, then turn around and have abortions or adopt out. Those are the true issues. You need to attack those that are abusing the power rather than choosing the better route for themselves and the baby. I guess you would have to be on the other side of the spectrum to understand the true victims emotional catastrophes.

Answer 17

I debated whether to report this "question" for simply being a rant but there are SOME well thought out replies so I decided against it.

A lot of people seem to think that when a woman aborts a pregnancy it is because it is "inconvenient" for her to have the disruption to her lifestyle. It is put across that she is an unfeeling, stupid woman who opened her legs & "got herself into trouble" not thinking about the consequences.

Some make genuine mistakes and are then faced with an impossible question ~ do I bring a child into the world to be brought into the cycle of abuse that is my life? Often carrying a baby to term and offering that child for adoption is too much to bear and with the stress the mother is already under there is a good chance the baby will suffer in the womb, not to mention what might happen if she is the victim of physical abuse.

You have your own issues here relating to your infertility and it appears that due to those you are unable to see clearly when it comes to this issue. It seems that due to your circumstances you are pro-life, not pro-choice. That is your choice, or maybe it is because you are unable to make this choice that your opinion is how it is. I am sorry that you are unable to conceive.

However, my stance is ~ my body, my choice ~ if I want your opinion I'll ask for it.

Answer 18

People have different opinions.  I don't mean to sound harsh, but if it makes  you sad and sick to read those opinions, stop reading them.

Answer 19

Abortion is never an easy decision.  I have helped several of my friends get through it.  I don't personally believe in abortion, but it is my duty as a friend to be supportive.  Anyway, many women who have abortions can't stand the thought of carrying a child to full term in the first place, much less being able to give it up after 9 months of that.  Plus, having a baby takes more of a toll on your body than an abortion does.

No matter which way you swing, abortion should always be the womans CHOICE.  Pro Choice IS pro life; every child should be a wanted child.  

I agree with you.  You are dealing with your own feelings on the issue and I understand your point of view.  100%.  My cousin can't have children, either.  Two years ago, she adopted a little girl from Russia.  That little girl is the most beautiful thing on the planet and we (an extremely LARGE family) love her every single bit as much as the children who are blood (maybe a teensy bit more, in fact, because of how joyous my cousin is with her).  My cousin is now in the process of adopting two more girls (twins) from Russia (although she wanted only one more, she saw there photos and that was that, lol).  

From the research my family has done, there are hundreds of thousands of children needing homes right now.  There will always be children who need to be adopted.  In fact, in Russia, there are so many of them that they do not find homes.  Thus, when they come of age (16) they are released onto the street with $200 and a ninth grade education.  Guess what kind of work they end up getting...  that's right, prostitution.  It's very sad.  

When the time is right, the perfect child will find YOU.

Answer 20

I've only seen a couple mention that it is 'better' than adoption if the people having the child is in no way mature enough to handle a child. Would you rather have a child that is abused? Most likely SOME (definitely not all) who choose abortion wouldn't even do the 'right' thing to get that child adopted. Would it be better for an abortion to occur or for a child to be raised in an abusive environment?

I'm not one to say that abortion is 'better', however from that one thread about which is more 'emotional'  yes I feel that the whole adoption process is more emotional overall than having an abortion.

I suggest if reading this stuff makes you cry to stop reading it. It's really as simple as that. I'm not saying this to be mean in any way but if it really bothers you hang out with those that have the same views as you so that you don't have to see how other people really feel.

I just wanted to say there is no in between of being pro-life or pro-choice.  If you're for the choice of having an abortion if a woman is raped...then you're a pro-choice.

Laxchik - Even tho, I'm pro-choice I'm totally against abortion past the 1st trimester partial birth abortions sickens me. (sorry off topic but had to respond to her comment) Just because somebody didn't choose to abort me doesn't mean that is to be held above my head like they deserve a medal.

Answer 21

To answer or not to answer.

What you need to know about me is that i am an adoptive mom.  i lost a daughter that was stillborn.  As a result of this birth, i was told i would never have children again.  

Heres that part that i never tell ppl.  At 26 wks i was told that my baby was incompatible with life.  She had no lungs and no urinary tract, heart and brain problems.  As a result there was no aminotic fluid  and my body was crushing her.  Her head was pear shaped and in as little as a day or two her head would implode from the pressure.  With every kick i wondered if it was her last and if her head had imploded yet.  We decided to induce labor since three doctors gave her 0% chance at life.  The doctors also said if you believe babies in utero feel pain your daughter is in a great deal of pain.  She died in labor and had a head.  I was able to hold her and love her and say good bye.  It will forever be on my medical record that i aborted my baby.  I refused to give her the shot of potassium chloride in the heart to kill her.  Still an abortion either way.

Each of us have our own personal reasons for the decisions we make in life.  You cannot fully understand someone and their choices before you walk a mile in their shoes.  I am pro choice I am glad i had the choice to end my daughters suffering instead of delivering her in pieces.  Yes i am a murderer and i will face my maker for that one.

I do not at all see the correlation between adoption and abortion.  If a woman chooses not to abort she still has two choices: parenting or adoption.  I do not believe anyone should be pushed or talked into placing a child for adoption.  It has to be her choice freely and fully.  Thankfully the agency we chose agrees with us that is why 3 out of 4 of their adoptions don't happen.

As impossible as it is for me to believe that some people go thru all of the adoption red tape only to abuse or neglect their children.  I do believe it happens.  I was an abused child in every sense of the word.  I didn't look like anyone in my family and hoped i was adopted.  No luck there.  I was their biological child.  My childhood was the worst.  I will never speak to those people again.  I often wished i was aborted.  So i can see where some adoptee say it would have been better to be aborted than to go through their painful childhoods. We are all at different places here in this forum.  I only had to deal with infertility for 2 long years.  It was a horrible feeling I remember that.  I lived in darkness until my adopted daughter came along, thats why i call her sunshine. (eventually i did get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby)

I have been in counseling my whole adult life.  I will always be in counseling.  There is nothing wrong with that.  So i have no problems telling to go to counseling.  I had to learn how to be available and how to be attracted to the "good boy".  There was no way i was going to marry an alcoholic and continue the cycle it would end with me.

Don't look at life as what you don't have rather what you do have.  You have your health, You have your family, You have a big wonderful world out there.  Live it!  Date, get married and have a family any way it comes to you.  Adopt it is wonderful  and beautiful if done correctly.  I wish you all the best.  Please go to counseling or find a support group.  Please don't find my words condescending, I'm just a little older and because of that a little wiser.(hopefully lol)

One the plus side, I embrace my torturious childhood.  It made me who i am today.  I am proud of myself and extremely happy.  I have 5 beautiful children and a wonderfully supportive, loving husband and we enjoy our lives by living it everyday is a gift. GL

Answer 22

There's a lot going on here.

First of all, you seem to be very sad about never being able to pass on your genetic material to a child. But there are many other ways you can have a baby. You could get an egg from a female relative and have it fertilized with a husband or boyfriend...or someone else, doesn't matter. You could carry it if it's just your ovaries that are problematic...your uterus is in fine shape, correct? You could get a surrogate...it's be coming popular and affordable in India. And I have not even mentioned adoption yet. I have found that if you really want to be a mother, there are plenty of options. Children are not rare on this earth...ever been to Mexico?

You really sound sad about not being married. Maybe that's the problem. In my opinion, it's a lot harder to get married that become a mother. And I married for the second time at only 34! I suggest seeking therapy...maybe you feel inadequate because of your ovary situation, and that's why you find meeting the right men so difficult.

Why does the abortion thing bother you so much? I think you're jealous, and I don't blame you one bit. It must be so awful reading about teenagers who give birth in school bathrooms or have abortions when you can't get pregnant at all. It doesn't seem fair. And also, you may picture every unwanted baby as a possible baby for you. So I do see why it's so upsetting.

So, what to do?

Stop reading about abortions for now. You aren't getting one, so leave it to the people who have to make that choice...BE GLAD YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE IT because it's a rotton one (I've made it myself).

Next, seek some therapy and get that man-finding on track.

Then, when you're married/in a serious relationship, talk to him about which avenue BOTH of you should pursue about getting this family wagon on track.

You WILL be a mother. Even if you never end up being pregnant, remember that no one experiences everything...climbing a mountain, living in France, having a baby. Adoption doesn't make you any less a mother.

And in the meantime, enjoy those adorable little nieces and nephews!

Answer 23

I'm 18 and i was adopted 9 years ago. Until then i was in foster care. My opinion on abortion has always been for it but only under certain circumstances like rape. But i don't think they should just have the right to kill the baby if it will complicate their lives. You shouldn't have done it at all if you weren't ready for the consequences. But i don't think abortion is better then adoption. The problem is that kids aren't always adopted right away like myself. Not saying i have had a bad life but you could really tell which families were doing it for the money and which ones weren't. It wasn't really fun jumping from house to house either. Well not sure if that helps at all but just thought I'd vent a little.

Answer 24

I've seen videos on Youtube of abortions. I don't know how those drs. live with themselves. They literally pull limbs out and murder a living baby. That baby should have rights. It could not stand up for itself. It's temporary home inside it's mother should have been safe. I can't believe humans think they can remove a baby's rights. People who are for abortion were born. They were able to be born, so should everyone else.

I only agree with removing a child from a mother if the mother is going to die. That is IT!! Rape is a terrible thing. But in no way should an innocent child's life be taken because of it! Good comes from everything. God gave a raped woman a little miracle! If she can't look at her blood child, then she can give it to a mother who cannot birth her own. Safe surrender it for Pete's sake! Then no one has to know, but that human can be given life just as it should.

It's so insane that people think that it's o.k. to murder a child inside it's mother, but then once it's out, the person is insane and must be locked up or murdered for what she did, but it is the SAME THING!!! Every aborter is a MURDERER!!

Answer 25

I just want to respond to one part of your longggg question.

You said:

"I in no way think that adoption is better than KEEPING the baby, unless the mother thinks it is..."

THIS is what adoptions is!  A mother, who believes that adoption is better for the baby than her parenting her child.

I think we need to put the responsibility (and credit) for adoption where it belongs, with the mother.   This is her decision.  Period.

Answer 26

I think your letting your personal health issues cloud the issue. In an ideal setting people would just stop having s*x for recreation. And you would have to prove yourself capable of being a good parent and thus allowed to have children. I can't believe we don't regulate that yet. But in our present circumstances most global problems are caused by just too many people on the face of the Earth. Hence abortion is a viable option. At least as far curtailing the burdern put on society by an unwanted child and by another human depleting resources and producing waste and pollution.

Answer 27

I am crying right along with you , my sweet friend.  I am very grateful that my birth mom chose life for me, and that the birth moms of my 2 previous children did as well, or the 3 of us would not be here today.  I not only have done research on abortion, I have counseled women who were contemplating abortion and or have had an abortion and you would cry even more when you hear some of their stories- have you actually heard people say that abortion is better than adoption?  Death is better than life? WOW-  believe you me, there is nothing wrong about crying for these precious babies- there are 4,000 a day aborted in the USA alone-  babies are gifts not choices. You are right- that baby's heart is beating before the girl/woman even finds out she is pregnant= 3 weeks after conception.  And by the way, if your doc is right and you cannot bear children- remember there are children out there that need your sensitive love- and there are many birth moms that still place for adoption , because they want to give life to their babies. However, I have heard many a miracle, that women who were told they would never have children- actually have them.

Answer 28

I don't know how in any way anyone can possibly think abortion is good. How many women out there that can not have children or how many women can have children but for some reason have a miscarriage. That is the worst feeling in the world. These JERKS out there have no hearts if they think aborting is better than adopting. You know what if you dont wanna have a child then protect yourself. But there is no need to kill such an innocent being. I am at work and now my eyes are watery because that is just terrible to do any human being even less an innocent child

Answer 29

I think abortion is very bad.

What I think what you should do is adopt a child and love it with sll of your heart

Answer 30

I'm really sorry you can't have your own children.  I understand why you feel very senstive about this issue.  And I don't think one choice or another is always better.  I'm just very, very glad to have all my options open.  

Try to understand that when you lament someone else's abortion this way you are, in effect, claiming she has some moral obligation to carry a baby to term and give it to you.  There's no guarantee that, if a woman decides not to abort, she will choose to relinquish her baby to anyone, let alone you.  It's her choice.  

I don't mean to sound ugly or uncaring.  You are obviously very unhappy about this, and you have a perfect right to your feelings.  I just think you need to accept that the only person whose actions you have any control over is you.  You have to let everyone else's choices go, because they're not yours to make and you can't change them.

Answer 31

I understand how you feel. I do believe abortion is wrong. But i can't get worked up about it to the point i get depressed and you shouldn't either. just don't look at those people's answers. Unfortunately in this day and age people take life for granted even if it is a little one who is growing inside of them. To have an abortion because it is inconvient on the mother's part, to me is selfish. BUT that is my opinion and i can't push my opinion on to others, i can only respectfully tell them how i feel. and agree to disagree with them, then i move on and so should you!!!