How do I keep from holding a grudge against my boyfriend??

Question

I love my boyfriend and I don't want anything to get in the way of being with him. Sometimes he does things that bother me and I end up holding a grudge about it. I don't see our relationship sustaining if I continue to be like this. I find it hard to see how marriages can last through serious problems, but someday I would like to be able to say that our relationship can endure anything. How do I get over things so I can let it go?

Answer 1

i do this to my fiance a lot. you need to let it go. just think, life is too short to be holding grudges. think of how much you love him next time you go to hold a grudge. Dont waste time being angry.

Answer 2

tell him how you feel and if that does not work coupe in a healthy way reading, dance, walk, ect.

Answer 3

Can you be more specific about what is bothering you, perhaps?  It really does make a difference when giving advice on the issue.

Is it little things, like clipping his toenails in bed, or chewing with his mouth open?  If so, than these things need to be let go unless you absolutely CANNOT live with them.  That being said, if little things like this are going to bother you to the extent you'd want to end the relationship, than most likely you don't love him as much as you think you do.  Either that, or you'll never be happy with anyone, because everyone has these little habits.

I read a marriage book that said to use the "bother barometer."  On a scale of 1-10, how much does this particular thing bother you?

1 - Not an issue, doesn't bother me at all.

2 - I'd prefer it didn't happen, but it's not a big deal.

3 - It occasionally annoys me when my spouse does it.

4 - It often annoys me when my spouse does it.

5 - It annoys me most times my spouse does it.

6 - It annoys me every time my spouse does it.

7 - It annoys me whenever I'm with my spouse.

8 - It annoys me even when I'm away from my spouse.

9 - I'm miserable because my spouse does it.

10 - I can't stand it.  Maybe we can't live together anymore because of it.

Issues that are a 5, 6 or 7 can escalate into worse problems if they are not dealth with.  Address them while they're still at this level and can be managed and fixed.  Most issues in this area can be resolved between the two of you.  Issues that are an 8, 9  or 10 are difficult to resolve.  You may need outside help to solve these types of issues with your spouse.  Things that are a 1-4 on the scale probably are not even worth mentioning.  It's good to recognize that they bother you in case the amount they bother you increases over time, but they are not worth mentioning at the moment.

Try to follow that scale, it helps.  I found it in the "Idiots Guide to the Perfect Marriage."  It's a great book, you should pick it up.

Good luck!

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Answer 4

When I dated my husband, he did a lot of things that bothered me.  I knew that we would be married, but I had to ask myself if the things that bothered me were "deal breakers".  No one is perfect.  You have to decide what you will and will not tolerate.

You can't hold grudges.  You have to learn to let some things go and love unconditionally.  It's the only way to have a successful relationship.  Unconditional love is loving someone in spite of their actions and shortcomings (if it's the person you want to be with).