How do I know if my marriage is beyond repair?

Question

I have been married to my husband for 9 years, since I was 16, and we have 5 young children. I still am very much in love with him, but our relationship has been in turmoil for sometime. My husband is constantly calling me filthy names and screaming over the littlest things. He makes me feel like I am stupid and can't do anything right. I have a fear of driving, but I am going to school full-time and desperately want to learn how to drive, but he doesn't want me too. He says that we don't have the money and our insurance would go up to much. The other big thing we fight about is cleaning the house. My house is messy, but I do what I can while chasing after 5 kids and 6 pets all day. It is never enough!!!! My husband says that our children should stay in there rooms unless they are cleaning.He says that if the house was spotless we wouldn't ever fight. I just can't live this way forever. Should I fight for my marriage, or throw in the towel? My husband does have a lot of good traits. He can be very loving, he is responsible, and he is a good dad. Oh yeah, we have a terrible s*x life.

Answer 1

Your marriage is only salvageable if you BOTH want it to be...eliminate the extra cost and stresses of your house like the pets...learing to drive is a geat thing..you will be more dependable which is better for you and the kids...also if you have 5 children then depending on their ages they may be able to help out with daily chores...

Answer 2

he's a jerk....get rid of him and at least 5 of the animals.....

Answer 3

when you start asking this question

Answer 4

i have 4 kids. ages 1, 2, 10, 13, and one stepson inthe summer age 10. I have been going crazy all summer and UNDERSTAND how hard it is to keep the house clean. Having kids makes marriage so difficult because you hardly spend anytime alone with your spouse, then your probablytoo tired for s*x.  If I were you, I would get rid of the animals, give them away or something... they will save you time and MONEY.  Your husband sounds like he is stressed out because of the money and the kids and the animals. Try reducing his stress, like I said, giving the animals away, spend time with him after you put the kids to bed, get the kids on a schedule, or at least in bed by a certain time. You need your husband and he needs you. Stick with it. The kids will grow up and you can say that you both survived the hardest times! I feel for you!

Answer 5

Leave... this sounds so sad. Teach your children to help you clean. No matter what age they know how to pick things up and put them places. Don't let him treat you that way. I feel so bad for you, get out of there or tell him to straighten up.

Answer 6

He is verbally and emotionally abusive. That affects the children as well. I suggest you read a book called The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, it will give you insights. You can also seek individual counseling and I would start immediately - even if you need to call a women's counseling service that's free.  You owe it to yourself and the children. Women are partners on equal standing with the husband and once you understand that...you won't put up with screaming or cursing or abuse ever again.

Answer 7

I don't think you should throw in the towel.  He should learn how to honor his wife and should help keep the house clean.  However, I don't think you should end it, but I think you should go to counseling (separately and together.)  However, you both need to be willing to change.  He doesn't physically abuse you, but he only does what you allow him to do.  A marriage is two independent people trying to be one, so you need to learn to drive, so you can be independent.  For your childrens' sake you need to be more than a pushover, but push forward to help yourself and them.

Answer 8

You have to decide if the good traits over shadow the bad or vice versa. If so then try and stick it out if not then... well...

If he isn't willing to try and talk or hear what you have to say then not much can be done regardless.

It takes two tango.

Good luck.

Answer 9

He's a good dad by saying they should stay in their rooms unless unless they are cleaning? You are kidding right? Come on, he's controlling you that's why he doesn't want you to have a license.

WAKE UP!!!!

edit: a terrible s*x life? something's ok in that department if you have 5 kids.

Answer 10

hitler had good traits also great motivator father figure to many young men and was a clean freak then he had a couple of flaws being a a tyrant was the least of  maybe trash it try with a nice guy and give some of the pets away to a good home if the s*x is bad y do you have five kids  is he raping you this is only gonna get worse i would say that physacal abuse is around the corner not to far kids need to play and not be locked down 24-7 when not doing chores this guy is a dictator  not a hubby and dad

Answer 11

Eek, by the way your writing this I can tell your trying to tell yourself the good part of him is more important than the bad part, but honestly you have to check out what he's doing to you. Calling you filthy names? This seriously isn't te work of a "good guy." A good man respects you no matter how good he is with the kids. You really have to figure this out. I'm not in the situation but ask yourself is it worth it?