How do I learn to live my life again?

Question

Right now in my life I feel like I'm merely existing. I don't have many friends, the ones I do have I don't enjoy spending time with anymore. I spend most of my days sitting infront of this computer and writing music, I used to listen to sad music which made me feel better but now I just can't find anything to relate to how I feel.

I've not had the best luck with guys lately, my last ex dumped me about a month ago because his Dad thought I was not old enough (not even 2 years age difference) I'm nearly 16 he was 17. My ex before that lied to me for 5 months about taking Cannabis and smoking. I rely on these 2 people to talk to and cheer me up, which I know has been a problem in the past as I put too much pressure on boyfriends I've had. In my mind I waver between the two of these guys, I know I don't have a future with the Cannabis one, although he has quit it and quitting smoking he told me that before so I can't trust him. But right now he's the only one who really understands what i'm going through. The guy whos Dad had a problem with me has been distancing himself from me, his phones broken and he's never online anymore (he lives 20 miles away). I think there could be a chance but by making things easier for himself he's been making things harder for me. I'm not desperate to be in a relationship but I guess it's nice having someone understand you and care about you once in a while.

I used to be in a band which broke up some time ago and now am looking for a new one but having little luck.

I have issues with my family, mostly my mother as there is always conflict. I suppose the worst thing is i don't care anymore. I've completely cut the emotional tie between us, and now I only talk to her if I have to.

I've never been diagnosed with depression but I have had it previously, and still get it now. I'm used to feeling lonely, empty and sort of numb in a sense. I have thought about suicide but I know I don't have the guts to do it. Right now I've been trying to keep myself preoccupied so I don't have time to think so much. When I was depressed before I withdrew myself from my friends, family etc, but now there doesn't seem to be anything to withdraw myself from.

I will never take anti-depressants and I am not keen on the idea of going to a counsellor etc. I do not want to get along with my mother any more I hate her

Any suggestions on hope to cope with this would be gratefully appreciated, sorry for writing an essay.

Answer 1

Sometimes you can plan your life and things go along pretty well, other times you have to take it one day at a time.  The key to changing your life in a positive direction is focusing on your next right decision.  This isn't about trying to figure it all out right now; that's impossible, but you can start making better decisions today.  Just like no one single decision landed you in the funk you're in right now, no one decision will get you out of it, but momentum builds and gains force with time.

It's hard to talk about this without sounding all Oprah, but it's important to focus on the things you do have right now.  Making a gratitude list can be the foundation to build on.  Sometimes you have to start with the very basics:  I woke up this morning and I'm breathing.  It's important to recognize in our darkest hours that there is still some light.  Maybe it's a single person who did something kind for you.  Maybe it's some random event that had an unexpected outcome.  Don't let these things pass without appreciating them.

Life is a long distance journey.  If you keep turning in the same direction every time, you'll find yourself going in circles.  However, if instead you focus on some far off peak on the horizon and each day focus on that peak, you'll find yourself getting closer each day.  The same goes for battling depression.  If you focus on the negative every day, that's where you'll stay.  If you look outside your comfort zone and stretch yourself, take a few calculated risks, and try new things, you'll amaze yourself on how far you've travelled in just a few months.

Answer 2

Most people feel bad about themselves from time to time. Temporary feelings of low self-esteem may be triggered by being treated poorly by someone else recently or in the past, or by a person's own judgments of him or herself. Low self-esteem is aconstant companion for too many people, especially those who experience depression. If you go through life feeling bad about yourself needlessly, low-self esteem keeps you from enjoying life, doing the things you want to do, and working toward personal goals. To improve yourself image, try making lists, rereading them often and rewriting them from time to time. The process will help you to feel better about yourself. If you have a journal, you can write your lists there. If you don't, any piece of paper will do. Make a list of at least 5 of your strenghts, for example, persistence, courage, friendliness, creativity: At least 5 things you admire about yourself, for example, the way you have raised your grades, your spirituality, the way you treat your dog, etc.; The greatest 5 achievements in your life so far, like recovering from a serious illness, graduating from high school, or learning to use a computer. At least other 20 accomplishments-they can be as simple as learning to tie your shoes, to getting an advanced college degree; 10 ways you can "treat" or reward yourself that don't include food and that don't cost anything such as waslking in woods, window-shopping, or chatting with a friend; 10 things you can do to make yourself laugh; 10 things you could do to help someone else; and many things that you do that make you feel good about yourself. Try it I am trying these myself too. I have been diagnosed with depression in the past. I said to myself, "I've had it, this is not stronger than me". Good Luck and life is too short to waste time and energy thinking negatively, and remember very important, "WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS", you are responsible for your own happiness.

Answer 3

You're going through some of the hardest years of your life at the moment!!! Finding your true self is the hardest thing to achieve in this world! Keep your head up and try and find your own space!

Answer 4

Hi there, I have a website which is all about your question, have a look it might be useful, if not there are some good links there,

http://www.dream-life-coaching.com

Best of luck, maybe start with the purpose tab

Answer 5

Wow. First of all I'm pretty sure you will receive answers with "I understand how you feel". To be honest, your words are sincere and you didn't give up completely because you still have hope. We all go through depression at some point in our lives and at any age. But you sound very strong and I commend you for this. Just remember unresolved conflicts with those you confide in or with your parents will only deepen open wounds. Keep writing and try to make yourself more available. Your talent is your gateway to expression and pretty soon this transitional period will be short lived and buried as you move on. Be positive, you have it in you. Also, try listening to corny upbeat happy songs. They are pretty contagious. You have to be happy with yourself first. Others will follow.God Bless and Good Luck sweety.