How do I leave my husband? He cries and begs. It breaks my heart.?

Question

I've neen married for 30+ years. It's been a very lonely life as a pastor's wife. Being ignored, neglected and replaced by his parishoners for many years, even my children (Four-ages 14-30) thought it would be a good idea to leave. I've had many "promises" over the years but he never made good on any of it. Even HE says he can't prioritize well enough to juggle a family and a church. I finally made the decision IN STONE, got an apartment in another city, got my 14 yr. old daughter ready to start school, and have some job leads but NOW he's crying and begging and propositioning. I don't WANT to try again. I don't love him anymore even though I've TRIED.

Answer 1

No one is ever comfortable with loss, and this is about you-not him.  Do what you need to do-he has his faith and church for support.  Unless the church will not support him if he divorces...could that be what this is all about?

Answer 2

Youve really got to think hard about these things, if you started dating another man would you love kissing him as much as you do with your husband? Will you need him when times are bad? If it does break your heart why are you leaving? take a look at these 3 questions and think hard about them.

Answer 3

you are not being fair to him by staying he needs someone who loves his work as much as he dose.just do it.all separations are heartbreaking without love ..they cannot be' pray for God to bring him someone who will fit into his life and give him the love he deserves after you have given it to God tell him that is what you have done and the subject is closed.unless God opens it it stays closed

Answer 4

just tell him that u dont love him anymore and that u WILL NOT return to him..i mean u said that u tried for things to get better and they didnt...so whats d use? u can try to give it ONE LAST CHANCE...??

Answer 5

I am really sorry for the situation you find yourself in, but if you really don't love him anymore it is no use even thinking about going back. After 30 years you know yourself that marriage is hard enough when you love someone with all your heart but when you don't it is h**l. When you love someone you can forgive them almost anything, but when you don't the only things you see are their faults and this would not be good for you or your kids. The crying and begging is just emotional blackmail, I was in a similar situation to you, I was married almost 40 years,  I went back but it did not work, I really tried to love him again, and it is harder the second time around believe me. You have done the right thing leaving and you have now started a new life, don't give this up, you will probably end up regretting it and have to start all over again. Good luck with your life, I will be thinking about you.

Answer 6

if you leave, you can always go back. You know it is what you want to do. you are miserable.

but then again.. would  you miss being in his arms at night?

Answer 7

Since your husband is a pastor, then I assume you are a woman of faith too or at least know the scripture and words of God.

Have you pray together, went on marriage counseling together, have you read your bible and found out what God really want from you ?

30 years is a big part of your life to throw away.

I can't and I am not qualify to give you a proper advise, you should seek professional help.

Answer 8

Well, I guess you already know that it will be the same story again and again…

Your husband will never change and what happens is that you are just comfortable for him, like an old pair of shoes, which fit very well…

You had enough?

So stay strong, enough is enough and everybody has his limit.

Yours is full, so stay away from him and don´t get weak just because he begs and cries… as soon as he realizes that this time he will reach nothing with that he will show his true face again. Don´t worry, men are good actors when they try to convince a woman.

He demonstrated you that your life is a disgrace with him over 30 years and I think that this is really enough…

Move on and make your own thing.

Don´t look back.

You should not feel guilty; the one who should feel guilty is he for giving you such an awful life.

You are leaving and this is the result of the way he treated you.

You already gave him too many chances, 30 years of giving chances… 30 years of breaking promises and make you feel miserable.

Do yourself a favor and start to live at last!

Good luck!

Answer 9

If you don't want him back, not going back should be easy.  If you can't deal with his crying and begging, simply don't answer your phone, or answer it to ensure its not an emergency and when he begins to start, hang up the phone.  I know you can't ask him to give up the church, its one of those things, but it doesn't say that church comes before the family, just Christ...maybe he isn't clear on that.  Good Luck.  Just don't listen.

Answer 10

From what you've described here your emotional turmoil has taken it's toll backing you into a corner and given you no choice but to finally make this desperate break that you should have done a long time ago. Thirty years is practically a whole life time and it's nothing short of amazing how you have been able to hold up for so long. It's wonder you haven't had a nervous break down somewhere along the line. So if you now have a chance to finally pursue the life that you can call your own, then you better take it and don't feel guilty about it either. Crying and begging is for lost pets. Not for a grown and seemingly educated man who has put you through so much neglect and known about it all along. Even so, being book smart never made much of a difference when it came to having common sense and whether he's a pastor or not has no bearing on a situation that has gone on for too long. It's still like he's a workaholic who puts his job before his wife and kids where the reality is all the same. He even admits that he can't handle the life he has created and he knows all too well that he brought this on himself. It's far too late for propositioning so stop torturing yourself with a broken heart.You're not a callous person acting out of spite or being vindictive for wanting something for yourself. After thirty years you're so burned out that it's no wonder you feel you just can't try again or have no more love to give. You've been very honest in realizing how you feel and after all is said and done you really are entitled for a chance of a new life that has been denied to you for so long. You deserve this chance ( you really and truly do! ) and not only should you listen to your children, but you should follow the decision that you made as well. Because if you don't do this while you can then you'll die a bitter and lonely person and, except for your kids who have been there for you, your life will have had no real meaning and all these years of sacrifice will have been all for nothing.  

Answer 11

Then you don't go back.... very simple.  You've had enough... he will get over this and move on.

Answer 12

You just leave. You have already left the relation ship mentally and have a plan in place. Do it. He has to deal with his own issues as an adult. Adults do not cry and beg....they communicate. Do what is best for you. You have put in the time and it is not working. It is over. Just leave.

Answer 13

Just tell him that you will always care for him, but that you have dedicated the last 30+ years to him, and have never been able to satisfy yourself.  Tell him that it is time for you to feel all of the things that you repressed over the years.  It is time for you to be number one (behind the children) in your life for a change.

Do not let the begging and pleading change your mind if you think that this will be happier for you.  Even God  does not expect you to always be miserable.

Answer 14

begging and crying and promising you sound like you have heard it all before .. its emotional blackmail.. and you have given 30 years of your life ... you need a life... your own life obviously you still have a young daughter but its your time now.. to either let your hair down or just be alone with no added pressures of a husband... my mam is 60 and got married 10 years ago and is the happiest ever its her time to have a bit of life and enjoyment... if you dont kove your husband you wil be mad to go back because of his wants and promises... non of it is for you.. its all for his sake.. and never go back for the kids sake.. you will always be a better person and parent when your a happy content person.... how can you do your upmost best when you are down in the dumps and unhappy...

good luck with your furture...x

Answer 15

I agree with Jess, and add to this that if you try working it out its always the best bet