How do I like myself?

Question

I suffer from low self-esteem and low confidence. I feel like I can't do even simple things right even when I try very hard.

I spoke to some friends of mine about my problem, and they numerous things.

One of them said that I have a tendency to try to please people and fail because a lot of people are generally ungrateful, or don't see the effort put in. He said that I should focus on pleasing myself first above others, then I'll be happy.

My female friend said that I need to learn to like and love myself.

I kind of agree with them, but I feel that when I try to please myself and not others, I feel a bit guilty and selfish. And I find it hard to like myself because I can't see anything I'm good at, anything to be proud about. In fact I can only see inadequacies, and not many unique strengths.. if any.

*sigh* Guys (and girls), is there anyway I can change my attitude in a positive way? Learn to like myself and treat myself well without feeling guilty, and know that I have strengths too?

Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

I suggest that you volunteer in a role where you are helping other people.  Try to see if you can volunteer at one of those places where they are taking in gifts to give to underprivileged children or something, or maybe volunteer firefighter or anything where you are helping people.

Its not so much that people are ungrateful for your help, its just that they may be too wrapped up in their own thoughts to acknowledge what you do for them and so you are not getting the feedback that you want.

To learn to like yourself you have to at least see yourself as being on par with everyone else - like you are their equal except you are in a different role from them.

Answer 2

I know you don't believe this, but I 100% know the feeling you've just described. The feeling that why do I deserve to get everything that I have while others have nothing. And then the feeling that I don't deserve these things so self-indulgence of any kind makes me selfish and spoiled. So I try really hard to not disappoint anyone and feel worthy of anything that I have, and then to mostly fail everything. Trust me, I know the feeling. But what you don't see is that even if you don't fail, like you get an A on that test and your parents are proud of you, it's good for a little while, until the next thing and you do fail, any past or future successes will mean nothing until you are finally able to achieve success again.

Here's the liking yourself part. Perfection is an idea, not a reality. Nothing is ever perfect. Especially people, people are definitely flawed and will never always have success. But also, people will never always fail. It feels like endless failures is the reality, but you're so caught up with the devastation of failures, you can completely overlook any success. Try to focus on the positive side. I know it's hard and it can suck, trust me I know, but seriously it works!!! Here's is practically the ultimate example of that: I am the most pessimistic person I know. A positive side does not exist 99.9% of the time with me. But when I was freaking out about a History Final, a test that is worth 20% of my final grade (and I was hanging on to a B-), and I knew I wasn't going to do well because I was overstressed, underprepared, sleep deprived, and I know that teacher always gives insanely hard tests, but I focused on the positive side, and I (this is no joke) went into the testing smiling and laughing. I was able to think how this failure would truly effect my life. I wouldn't lose all my friends, my parents maybe disappointed but they will still always love me, and it's not like I was planning on going to Harvard anyways! I was able to view an important history test which I and many others have been stressing over for weeks as a joke. Even if I got an F- on the test, I would show it to my friends and give them a high-five because I knew this was coming and I prepared myself in a positive way for it. But also, because I still tried my hardest even though I knew reaching my goal of an A+ was not possible for me.

To sum up, accept disappoints (maybe even learn from them?) and focus on a positive side (even if it is complete b.s., any positivity will make you feel better). Once you can finally do this without forcing yourself to look at positivity and it just comes naturally, actually liking yourself shouldn't be far behind.

Also, one last thing if people are disappointed in you after you have given your best and you are still not up to their expectations, that's their problem, not yours. When you've tried your best, there is nothing else you can do about it but feel proud that you gave it your all and didn't slack off.

(sorry if I wrote too much!)

Answer 3

I think the first thing is know somethings not right with you that a good step. Many people just continue on with life not consider asking someone what right or wrong with them. Then have a breakdown.

The asking for help is only the first step there the finding something that works for you. All though some would say therapy it may not be the right thing for you at the time. Many people go once or twice then decided it not for me. But many years later go for it with better results that the problem with the therapy system.

The best thing is find out what makes you happy with a positive outcome. It's a clesha. but centering yourself on postive things that make you happy you can work from there. Many people make there living on this outcome. LIke theripist that help people with there problems they do it because they like to help people.

Theipy is only the answer that comes to mind if you feel you can do it. It can be confunting but the out come is all positive.