How do I make my parents understand why I eloped?

Question

My boyfriend -- now husband -- decided to join the military early this summer. A month before he left, he asked me to marry him so we had a quick ceremony a city hall to seal the deal before he left. Of course, we planned to have a bigger ceremony in two years when I had graduated from college, but we wanted the paper work to be done in case anything happens to him while he is training or deployed abroad. My parents soon found out and are understandably angry. I didn't tell them initially because I knew they would not be very supportive (since I am 20 and my husband is 24) and with their present medical conditions (my father just had a heart attack and my mother high blood pressure) I didn't want to make their blood boil. In the eyes of my husband and me, this marriage is only on paper (we have plans for a true marriage in 2 years) and secures that all of his assets go to me and that I am first to know if anything happens to him. In the eyes of my parents, I have destroyed the sacred nature of marriage. How do I make them see that my actions were based on good intentions? Can any military wives relate?

Answer 1

I CAN TOTALLY RELATE!!!!!! i am in the same boat.

except i am getting married on sunday, my parents know i plan to marry him, they just dont think im doing it this weekend. i dont want to tell them because they are dramatic and like to make me miserable.

im also 20 and my fiance is 24.

we are getting married because we want to be able to be together, and if hes in the army and im in boston, thats not possible.

how did you tell your parents?

ADD: how did they find out. i want to tell mine because im going to be off thier health insurance and on his etc.

Answer 2

i'm not a military wife, but i don't think that there is anything that anyone can say that will make your parents understand.  i think if you told them about the marriage is only on paper that might have been a little out there, if they believe marriage to be sacred, it sounds a little selfish on your part.  it may not seem like that to you & hubby, but to your parents it is very selfish to elope for whatever reason.

i'm sorry your parents are being like this, but when/if you have kids i'm sure you will understand.  and considering you said that they would not be very supportive cuz you both are young.

i wish you luck (& God bless your hubby)

Answer 3

I know this is a common practice for military couples. And many times someones parents are upset.

I would recommend you talk with the military chaplin. This is a subject that I am sure has come up often and maybe there are some suggestions he/she can help you with.

Remember your parents were just feeling shut out and you were trying to be prepared. You need to find a happy medium. You certainly should respect their disappointment. Allow them their feelings. There is no reason you shouldn't. People are much more open for discussion when they feel their feelings are understood.

Best wishes