How do I make my siblings feel welcome after a custody change?

Question

I'm 17 and I'm my dad's oldest child. He divorced his second wife five years ago and she moved to another state with one of the kids they had together (one stayed with us) and with her own kids (my steps). Now she's terminally ill and my dad is taking the kids.

What do you think I could do to make them feel welcome? My dad works (he is a workaholic... kind of) and I don't think he's that thrilled about having to take his ex's three kids from another relationship, anyway. It was the only way to avoid going to court, like, she was either going to sign everything, if he took her kids, or she was going to try to get the court to give custody to her family because she wanted all of them to stay together. Which I understand, I'm just saying my dad got stuck with three kids that aren't in any way his and that he's never even had in the house before (they didn't live with us when they were married).

So anyway, anything I can do? Kids are ages 6 to 12.

Answer 1

they'll get adjusted.....just be friendly to them..

Answer 2

WOW, I applaud you soooo much.  The fact that you posted this question says alot about who you are.  You're a very caring and loving person, and for a 17 year old to be so selfless is very rare.  I should know, I have a 17 year old son.  Anyhow, in regard to your question, it sounds like you all have alot of adjusting to do.  Keep in mind that the move isn't the only thing that will affect them, but the fact that their mother is terminally ill.  That will be very hard on them and they are too young to grasp it all.  I would recommend to your father that he get a family counselor to help them cope with the grief they are sure to endure.  From what I can tell, you and your father are very kind people and I'm sure you'll try your hardest to help them to adjust.  Just try not to be pushy, let them open up at their own pace, and don't ask too many questions, it makes them feel invasive.  Try to do the things they like with them and show them you're interested in what they are.  Accept them as they are.  I feel for these kiddo's, but it sounds like you're going to do great.  I'm proud of you for caring so much.  Good luck!