Ok, I have know this girl since we were kids, we are now currently in college, but she lives about 5 hours away. Our family's get along very well and have known each other from way back in the day. Now I never made her my girlfriend officially but it was almost like we were. I would only get too see her about three or 5 days out of the year, but the time we didn't see each other just made it much better for us when we were together and also had one of the best summers of our lives, I know this because she has told me and so have her friends. She is my first love and I am her first love as well. We have been through so much together, I have never disrespected her or mistreated her. But as far as she goes, well one day out of the blue she decides that she doesn't know what she wants and that she's not ready for a "real" relationship. This really hurt me because it's the girl I love telling me this. Soon after it got complicated and we didn't talk for about a year. Then in June, I saw her again and I found out that she had a boyfriend and had been with him for about 6 months, but it was a bad relationship he would mistreat her and lie to her. Obviously I got angry but I had promised her I wouldn't. We started talking again and she broke up with him, when she went back home. Everything went pretty good until she again says to me that she is not ready for this, and so all I do is hang up on her because I really didn't want to go through that again. It had been about a month or two since it had happened but I really missed her. So I sent her a text telling her how much I missed her, but she replied to me and said she was back with her ex, this really crushed me and I asked her why...so she replies that she loved him, but I don't believe she loves him the way she loves me. It's hard not to think about the things that could happen between them but i just can't help it. What makes things worse is that I had always hoped that someone I cared about was not in an abusive relationship and also why I chose never to be like that. But what should I do? I mean I can't get her out of my head and I know she still has strong feelings for me. But theres very little I can do without further getting hurt.
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