How do I make this better?

Question

Take a Dance in Chance

To save a dance for another time

I had the chance but gave it up

let it slip and I stood cold

upon the wall with imaginings bold

A flower who will not let Wind

take her to places she has never been

will only wilt in a darkening room

never more to escape her own gloom

To save a dance for far to long

is to kill desire retained all along

holding in the music’s fire

Just I thought on life expressed in poem verse, if you can call it that… I would love to hear your thoughts!

Blessed Be, Siren

Answer 1

its really good. reminds me of my sister and one of her exboyfriends who was rich and she got to experience new things but he was a jerk so she let him go lol

Answer 2

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Siren its amazing, i must say if you really wanted to you could twick it with as gideon said on the never more to escape own her gloom it might be beter without the own part. alouthough its AMAZING with own in. its a warming a chiling poem siren

dragonsong94

Answer 3

I like the way it is about a dance and yet it touches on deeper subjects... very well done Siren...

Answer 4

How would you make this better? Ask someone other then me to tell you, that's how! I do not know the ins and outs of poetry but I do know that I like this! I am hoping to see more soon!

Answer 5

I do like the pace of this poem, however, for me L8 there is no need for "own" and the last line isnt needed.

Answer 6

This is a very deep poem. The flow of it is nice and it can mean many things to different people. Very well done Siren

Answer 7

Listen to Gideon, he spotted the two bigger mistakes. I saw "for far TOO long" (unless you mean  "desire that which is distant ," which is what you wrote). And, as long as I'm at it, I think  "never more" was co-opted by Poe in the XIX Century. And, since you only asked for suggestion for improvement, I won't tell you how exquisitely beautiful this poem is. You enjoin me from mentioning the supple pattern of rhyme and meter. Neither can I say anything about tight structure and apt use of language, sometimes forceful, sometimes subtle. I wish I could say all these things, but of course I won't.

Answer 8

This is a beautiful poem full of vivid and meaningful images.  I love that the poem is of a dance and a flower, both signifying the same idea. It gives me the image in my mind of a dancing flower, one that heeds "music's fire".  It is a charming image.  I think it is so sad to save the dancing for another time when one can be dancing now.  Thank you.