How do I move on with my life?? Abusive partner...?

Question

I have been in a relationship for 2 years where I have lost all my self esteem. I don't know what to do anymore... It's making me depressed looking back and thinking I should have left when I had the chance, but I never as I thought things would get. Also my miscarriages made me stay, as I felt due to that we should be together. I left my home town to come live with him and this is when things got worse.. Verbally, mentally and physically... Also for the past few weeks he hasn't been to work as he wants us to move to my home town, how will I cope if I don't want to be with him and have to see his face all the time..? He has cut me off from all my friends and if they ever did get in touch then I don't think i'd want to talk to them. Mostly due to the fact they have achieved so much with their lives and ME, well I wasted my time. Should I move away?? I just know that if he moves to my home town then he will make up lies to people we know, that i'll be portrayed as such an awful person.. So much so that if I wanted to start a new relationship, it would be impossible.. Anyone been in this situation??

Answer 1

think of it this way it was meant for you to loose your baby because god don't want you with someone like that who abuses you he has a much better plan for you and if you stay things will get worse or even deadly so i say go run if you have to just stop being with him please.

Answer 2

dont worry about what isnt worry about what is

so what if people talk c**p?  anyone who knows him knows what he is.

wouldnt being free be worth it?

Answer 3

my heart breaks for you . yes - stop trying to get pregnant, if it his want , go to the dr and get on birth control without him knowing it. (my mom had a friend who did the same thing because she was in the same situation but already had a child with this man.) he is just trying to find a way to know that you will never be able to leave.

now, once you leave let him talk. ppl will will eventually see that he is lying and if he talks to people who now you they will know womething dont sound right.

you cant stop him from moving to your hometown, but dont let him contact you if he does. or you will end up going back and hating your self for it.

the ppl that used to be your friends - if they are true friends they will understand. maybe one of them has gone thru the same thing, or knows someone else who did. who cares if they did so much more with their lives and have great jobs and what not? be proud that you had the courage and strength to leave this man, and to make a better future for yourself.

start a new job, or take classes at college, when you feel like you areready to see ppl. dont let him think that he will be ableto keep you down. and pray! the Lord will help you thru this, just be patient and have faith!

i left my abusive partner - after we had kids, and he DID tell everyone anything that would make me look back. i justheld my own, and i am very open about what i went thru. why? because he cant fight the truth. i did things that i shouldnt have but you do what you have to survive right?

email if you would like to talk somemore.

Answer 4

yes this is how i did it

leave and move back to your own town on your own before you move there as a couple ask your parents can you come and stay there while you find a job and tell them the truth about what he has done to you so they can support you emotionally you don't need to move furniture just what fits in your car or bag write a note and explain to him that it is over that is the easiest way for you you don't have to be scared or watch that angry face life is so good out here with out men like that

be strong and get your life back

Answer 5

Well for one stop trying to get pregnant.

You will never leave if you have his baby.  

Answer 6

you have two choices, one keep moping about this or two, do something daring and get the h**l out of there

He didn't do anything to him that you didn't CHOOSE to allow to happen

So FIRST take back your responsibility, your power

I know it may not be easy, because we get into the belief that we are the helpless, inncoent victim

Get your treasures together and as much emotional support (family, whatever friends you still have) and GET OUT!

If he is really abusing you in all these ways and you are that happy, if you remain, you get what you deserve...if you leave, you have a world open to you, for better or worse...if you look within and be open about how you bring such a crappy man in your life, get some feedback by whatever wise people you can...then you won't repeat this chapter of getting and keeping another bad guy

Just move to where feels right to you and follow through.

Otherwise, suffer from your CHOICE to not to choose to change

Answer 7

With an oiled up pistol...

Answer 8

no, but you should deffinetly leave. runaway or do anything to get away from him. and make contact with friends who have always been there, they'll still b there, to help you stay uppp.

Answer 9

Yes I still live in the same area where I seen a man of this demeanor.  It was hard and I have always wanted to leave and start over, if I could leave I definitely would.  The best thing to do is move on with your life best you can, cut your ties and losses and start over right now.  Get involved in something you enjoy and completely ignore him or any friends who know him.  You'll make it.      

Answer 10

hello k. well i was in a relationship for 10 years and 8 of those yrs. i was in the military. i married my high school girlfriend and we had kids early and left az for n.carolina. during my time in service i was deployed around the world alot. to say the least i wasnt home alot. but she was and she had my kids to take care of. each time i  would deploy i would send her home to az to live with my parents. well she decided to go out alot. well one thing led to another and she began cheating on me. i didnt want to beleive what was being said to me by family members. i tried my hardest to work things out but she wanted to end the marriage so she could go out drinking with friends and dating again. i fell apart, 10 yrs. of marriage down the drain. i became depressed and started drinking heavily and used drugs but didnt get hooked, thank god. so my drug of choice was alcohol. i almost became suicidal, but one day my mom sat me down and looked me straight in the eyes and slapped me so hard that i wasnt depressed anymore. sounds funny but she said to me you have to get on with your life despite the embarassment to you and the family, she is. one thing you have to remember is that their are plenty of fish in the sea. i pondered on what she said for a whole day and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen wrote down what i needed to do to get back on my feet. i didnt care what my family or friends said, i was looking out for my best interest now. i found a job saved up some money and moved back to az, divorced her, stopped drinking and began spending time with my daughters. it not only happens to women, men get caught up in bad relationships also. if moving away from the town you live in is needed, well do so. divorce him and get as far away from him as possible, because once an abuser always a abuser. start a new life away from the nightmare and abuse there. i seen it in the military and had to save a few soldiers wives because the soldier was a wife beater. i was brought up to respect and take care of a woman no matter how made she gets you their is no reason to place your hands on her unless its to comfort or love her. when a serious issue would arise i would walk away and come back later to talk it out, when two people are mad they dont think clearly and say hurtful things. i wish their was more i could do for you. i will keep you in my prayers and hope things turn out for the better.

sincerely, [e-mail]

Answer 11

You aren't giving yourself enough credit.  Women spend decades being in a relationship with an abusive partner.  Your life is hardly over especially if you get out now!  Be very careful in how you leave.  Plan it out carefully.  Make sure you set yourself up with a place to stay then set a date to leave him, have your mail forwarded to this new location, cut off your cell phone and start a new one, warn your family and close friends that you're leaving an abusive relationship so they can give you more support etc.  Here a website that offers legal information and resources:

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/vawo

Your life is far from over.  Have the courage to make an escape.  Don't continue to let your fear, guilt or any feelings of obligation force you to stay in this relationship.

Answer 12

Go to found local social worker. They can help you. They completely understand your situation. Tons of woman in the same boat. First, they will help you get away from your anger husband, then help you build your career so that you can get back live independent. Then they will introduce you some friend in the same situation. Your new friend have similar situation, they will understand you and help you and will not look down at you. Whenever you gain back enough confident in live, you can still go back your old friends. For him, the social worker will help you how to handle him. You have to keep distance from him, but not to anger him. Social worker know how to handle that kind of temper and mental people. :) Good luck.  

Answer 13

I haven't but I would say to just tell someone. It'll be better that way.