Question:

How do I not let my husband's "one-upmanship" not bother me?

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Recently my husband and I were each diagnosed with something. Me, an ulcer, and him, a skin condition. He told me he'd gladly trade my ulcer for his skin condition which made me a bit upset. He does this often. I rarely complain about my ailments but once in a while when I do, his immediate comment is "how do you think I feel with (insert pain here)?" Or he'll say "I had that and mine was a lot worse because (insert reason his was worse than mine and that I have no reason to complain). It's like it's all about him. How does he know how I feel? I don't downplay his discomforts. Also, one night I became ill and was up most of the night. We think it was due to my ulcer etc. I finally got to sleep around 3 a.m. When I got up, I was feeling better but just like I was getting over a bad flu. He was working outside and he asked me to come and help him lift several heavy items (wood and drywall). I started to tell him that I wasn't feeling well yet but he started to get upset saying he couldn't lift everything by himself. So I went and helped him fuming silently to myself. If he wasn't well, he would never do anything he wouldn't want to, and I wouldn't expect him to either. I would respect him not feeling able to do it. Why doesn't he treat me the same way? Argh, so tired of this and not feeling like an equal to him. I don't feel like I even matter and that it's all about him all the time.

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3 ANSWERS


  1. Next time tell him you have one chronic pain that he will never have, and it's the worst of them all-him!


  2. google relationship tips

    and learn how to be each others very best friend.

  3. Simply put, many men do not tolerate pain or illness very well.  In their minds, it's not possible for anyone to feel as badly or hurt as much as they do when something is wrong.  His behavior is not very different from many men I know.  Just do what you need to do to take care of yourself.  If he gets hissy about it, tell him to get over it.  The next time he complains about his horrible pain and misery, remind him of his reaction to your last illness/injury and ask him what he expects.  Do unto others and all......

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