How do I punish my 14 year old premiscuous stepdaugher?

Question

I have a 14 year stepdaughter that moved in with my husband and I 2 years ago. We've been married for 10 years. We got her a pay as you go cell phone and she had it taken away within months. Her mother got her another one without consulting us about it. She has misused it and now the internet. We have banned her from the internet and she continues to get on it at my mother-in-laws, friends house and her mother's house. Inappropriate things have surfaced on her cell phone and the internet. We have taken things away and grounded for weeks from her favorite things. She obeys during that time period but then continues to do bad things. She's sassy, playing my husband against me and vice versa. It's getting to the point I'm not taking her anywhere anymore or doing things for her, if I can't be respected in my own home. Please what else can I do? I'm about to send her back to her mothers.

Answer 1

i agree with the door removal. UGH! its terrible!

Answer 2

I love the door idea!!

Additionally, make her earn it back...and get her azz on the depo shot NOW! If she is having s*x, she will get pregnant, because she in't mature enough to take care of BC responsibly. The shot will keep her safe...so KEEP her on it!

Answer 3

It seems to me, that may be your only option, You could try to talk to her about her behaivor, and see if she says why she's acting the way she does!

Answer 4

HAHA i definetly agree with door removal, and tell that nasty little pig that if she is going to act like a baby she can be treated like one, like maybe NO MONEY no extras NO chocolate or anything she likes, but i definetly love the door idea

Answer 5

Take her door away and no more new clothes!

Answer 6

sounds like she has the attitude that is only going to rear further out of control the more you try and tamp her down. sit down with her and explain why you are worried for her, why things are inappropriate, instead of simply saying they are, and dolling out punishments. she's old enough now to get the explanation behind why rules are in place. instruct her how damaging the things she is doing really are. try and really reach her heart, and get her to make the right decisions on her own. this is going to be a long, hard road, and you will have to be consistently patient. that's what happens when you marry another woman's husband though, you sign up for rough territory.

Answer 7

let her do what she wants.

its not like she's killing people with p**n.

just make sure she knows about birth control and stuff like that.

if you try and keep her from doing stuff like this, she'll just keep doing it more and more.

Answer 8

Take her bedroom door away, that's worse than death to a teenage girl. It works for us everytime! They straighten right up!

Answer 9

I love the door idea.  also, tell her mother and the in-laws that the internet is a no-go.  I assume since she lives with you, you have custody, or is it joint custody?  either way, everyone needs to do what the people she lives with say need done.  if that doesn't work, if you still go to court for things like child support, bring up the situation and the fact that her mother isn't following her grounding and got her a cell phone behind your back.  

and take away the new cell phone and every one that is given to her afterwards.  her mother will get tired of buying them.

Answer 10

It's amazing how quickly kids learn to play one parent against the other - especially when there are step  parents and divorced parents involved - and of course, the former mother in law gets involved as well. There are a couple of things you could do - one of them is to stop punishing her for bad behavior, but reward her for good behavior. I know, at this point it's sometimes hard to catch them doing something good, but you can alter behavior more easily if you reward good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior. It quickly gets to the point where they have no privileges left, so they have nothing to lose, so to speak.

Mind you, this is going to take the patience of a saint on your part - and you have to make sure your husband can go along with it as well. Much of this type of behavior is generated because she feels unloved, and abandoned. That's hard to overcome, but if you can prove to her that she is a worthwhile person, she may just surprise you and alter her behavior.

Good luck to you -

In fact, good luck to all three of you. You're going to need all the help you can get.

PS - If she's being promiscuous, don't get into a hassle about the rights and wrongs of what she is doing, just make sure she knows about safe s*x.

Answer 11

dont even threaten about sending her to her moms, you will, in her mind, be giving up on her. she just wants attention.taking the bedroom door away is a good idea, i have done it, with my 13 yr old step daughter. hang in there she will one day appreciate it.

Answer 12

wel lif she is looking up p**n is because she has not be taught about s*x how about you tell her what she wants to know the good the bad, the ugly, and everything in between

Answer 13

Have you tried talking to the other family members? Also, find a psychiatrist (I know that I spelt that wrong) that she can talk too. Sometimes in certain situations, there may be more to the story than you would think. I hope this helps...

Answer 14

It seems like you and your husband and yours stepdaughter mom  and her husband if she has one should sit down and talk about what happening and what course of action you should take to correct your stepdaughter behavior.  But you all need to sit down and talk so you are all on the same page and that you all agree with the punishment and that you all will enforce the punishment exactly  the same way.  Your stepdaughter is probably playing one against the other and that is why you all need to come to some sort of mutual agreement on what steps to take.

Answer 15

She's your stepchild, she's probably doing this to p**s you off.  If you act like you don't care, it could stop, and she moves on to something else.

Are you sure she even WANTS to live with you?

Are you sure she doesn't want her parents back together?

Answer 16

she's playing you and your husband against her mother IMO.. don't just send her back to her mother. Sit her down and ask why she's acting the way she is... Maybe she does want to be with her mother, BUT before hand you need to find out if her mother wants her there. I mean say her mother refuses, what then??

the thing with banning her from the net and she goes on at her mothers well she's in her mothers care then so it's up to her to monitor what she's doing. Your husband and his ex need to sort that out between them.. What kind of relationship do you have with her mother cos believe me if you get on it's best all round.

when you say she's promiscuous what do you mean?? that she's having s*x or looking at sites online that are unsuitable..

we have had similar with my step daughter (almost 14) she came to live with us aged 7 and all was fine she hit the age of 12/13 and started to rebel....When she got grounded she told tales to her mother.. She bullied her 2 younger sisters (mine and her dads girls) and was generally a nightmare.......

In the end she did go back to her mothers but she was not sent there (as a punishment) we all sat down. her, both her parents and me and decided what was best for my stepdaughter. Obviously my husband and myself were upset but she did need to be with her mother......She only lives a few streets away and knows she's welcome here anytime. She's still my stepdaughter and always will be, just she's no longer living here,

i do feel for you cos it is bloody hard work being a step mother and often you get no thanks for it.