How do I re-introduce my 4 year old to his biological Father if at all?

Question

I just left my husband because he was being physically abusive to me and my two kids. They both have different fathers, in which the youngest had viewed my husband as his Dad because that's all he knew. I left his biological father because I found out that he married someone else two weeks after his birth. He had big committal issues and follow through issues. He has not seen his son since he was 4 months old. During the last four years I had cut off contact because he had started to be harassing, controlling, and mean. He posted unnecessary pictures of me on the web. I have recently been talking with him again, and he wants to see his son. I am not sure that would be the best thing. I am also not sure that he would even be consistent. I don't want to confuse my son any more than he is. HELP!!!

Answer 1

WOW, You shoulve been clear to your son since he was a baby.

Now that its too late, you might confuse him.

If you have pictures of his dad, show him who he is.

Sit him down, show him who his father is. Tell him he had to go away and now he is back, something like that. Look at his reaction if its negative stop and forget about it, if its positive well maybe have him speak to him on the phone for a few days or something. then introduce him.Take it slow on him..

Good luck

Answer 2

I would get some friends together, have them with you when you introduce the child back to the father for support. Don't do it alone in case things get out of hand. Talk to your child and see if he even remembers his "daddy" or if he really wants to see him again. At 4 months old,he properly doesn't even remember. But in the end it all comes down to what you want to do. But if you are planning on introducing the dad then talk to him alone first. If you introduce your son to him then he's just going to want to see his dad again and again. If you cant develop some kind of "friendship status" with this man to where hes seeing his son more than once or twice a year, and after he sees him that he will be willing to take some responsibility for him and it not just be a one time thing. Or there's no point in introducing each other. It would just hurt the child more than to only see his Dad a few times than to never to have seen him at all. If you choose not to introduce them then once he gets older like in teenage years he will be able to decide if he wants to see him or not. My boyfriend's father impregnated his mother and just left before he was even born. And he doesn't even care to see him. Hes never met him and is happy to keep it that way. I hope I helped at least a little :) Good Luck!!

Answer 3

I would go to a child psychologist before you do anything (your children's Pediatrician may be able to recommend a good counselor)...this is a very sensitive matter, and if the steps aren't appropriately taken, it may be very confusing for your 4 year old.

You're a good parent for making the right decision to separate them from an abusive household, and counseling will be appropriate for this matter as well. ...Take slow steps and do what is best for your little ones...I wish you all well, including your sons' fathers so that they can get their "act together"...hopefully your husband will get counseling for his anger.