How do I regain my sexual desire?

Question

Been with the same person for close to 3 years. at first it was great ...lots of chemistry, and great s*x. As time went by, he began critiqueing our time together, and 20 seconds after we were finished he would want more. I work 2 jobs, and it makes little difference to him if he keeps us up til 1 or 2 in the morning to get satisified. it has become an "unspoken" contract that when we get together (2-3 times a week) there had better be s*x involved. i have lost all desire and it has become extremly mechanical. i mostly do it now just to keep him quiet. How do I fix this depressing situation?

Answer 1

why should you be the one ' that's puts herself out . tell him to find someone else .

Answer 2

We need to get you from partly cloudy to sunshine;-) You just need some boundaries.....  set aside some special time just to talk to your bf and think about those fantasies that made you hot and bothered before;-)

Answer 3

Move farther away.

Answer 4

By no means am I an expert but I am a man so....... If you are a s*x slave then is that love??? It may not be that you dont want to have s*x its that your other needs are not being met. unsure of what those are but you do.. try to let him know that other needs need to be met.. 50 miles sounds like a booty call but yet once again im a man... you choose women have control or at least i like them to have it. you choose when he can or cant no man should tell you when it has to be a feeling not a chore.

Answer 5

Stop getting together with him 2-3 time a week. That is the easiest solution!

You do know that you are allowed to be happy too, right? If his critiquing your sexual escapades together is a turn off, tell him. You are not obligated to have s*x with him at anytime. And if he really cared that much about you then he would realize that your not that into it as well as try to make the time you spend together quality time not just s*x time.

Maybe you should take an unofficial break from spending the nights together. That doesn't mean you can't see him, just don't spend the night. You can tell him how tired you are from your two jobs and if he makes a real big deal about it then it might be time to find a guy who is understanding and thinks s*x with you is awesome (all the time).

Answer 6

it's your fault. fuckign talk to him so he knows this, not us.

and to all the woman replying to this, DUH ofc your going to say that, just another guys heart broken right?

talk to your guy, see what he says.

Answer 7

s*x has become another job for you. Having s*x with your partner should be a passionate moment. If there's no passion involved, then there shouldnt be any s*x. your relationship has been based on s*x only, and if he does not wants to spend time with you without having it leading to s*x, then that's not a relationship at all. Talk to him about, before its too late.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Let him know you would like time to relax, it's not that you don't want to have s*x it's just that he makes it seem that its the only thing he wants you for.  Talk to him about spending time relaxing, giving massages, watching a movie and then some s*x but not until all hours of the morning let him know you are not happy with the way things are going because you're not getting anything out of it, you are just doing it for his sake and that isn't right, let him know you do care and that you want things to work out maybe on your days off have all nighters

Answer 9

Tuco has seen this before.

Typically men use affection and attention to get s*x and women use s*x to get affection.  This is a generality but mostly true if you think about it.  Why do women dress up nicely?  To attract.  Why do men give compliments?  To excite.  

I guess this is not the core of the issue for you.  Maybe it is.

In anycase... the intimacy level and sexual interest of a relationship often reflects the condition of the relationship in other areas.

How is the communication or affection part of the relationship?

Want to discuss more?  Let me know.

Adios.  

Answer 10

i'm starting to get the same problem.  nowadays i just do it to please him.  they say 'all good things come to an end'.  like the feeling you felt was not good, but great and now it's gone.  most of my friends has the same problem.  maybe it's just in women.  but if you do find a solution, please let me know.  doctors used to prescribe medication, but meds in never healthy.  because you use one after one you need two a day, after two you need three a day... so i don't know.  maybe you must separate for a few months.

Answer 11

You gotta make some choices girl!  Either ride this horse, or get a new one!  Seriously.  Either take the reins and control the s*x, or dump him and find the guy you're going to enjoy.

If you want to stay, next time you see him, YOU take control.  Meet him wearing a hot s**y dress and your hair all done up and big red lipstick.  Have on a pair of high heels, which say, CFM!  When you see him, l**k you lips and give him a big squeezy hug, especially his package.  Give him a big wet kiss, and moan in his ear.  Make him make love to you, not the other way around.

Have him go down on you first and take care of your needs.  How about that for a change?  Then you return the favor, but hold off just as he reaches the edge.  Then do it again, and again till he's begging you.  Only of he's been good to you let him finish.  

He will explode!  So will you!  That's the way it's supposed to be.

Answer 12

It's no wonder you've lost your desire. You're with a very selfish man!  Nobody can desire someone who cares nothing for them. This man cares nothing for you. He only cares about you meeting his needs.

I would suggest that you make a new unspoken rule - no more intimacy until he makes this right. It's his problem to fix, not yours. You have been very good to him. He's given you nothing in return.  Stop what you're doing. Change the tune. You are not losing your desire. You're losing YOU.

Answer 13

Val... you crack me up!!! LOL

If it isn't working, then walk away! You work at marriage... not dating. Dating is supposed to be fun and something you enjoy with that person. If it no longer is, then it is time to move on.

Answer 14

been there done that and every woman goes through this phase trust me i know from experience. My wife was like that for 2 yrs and she found a text from a female on my phone, but seriously was someone i use to work for years ago, but she thought we were having s*x which we were not.  The thought of her losing me to another woman quickly gave her s*x drive a lift.  Plus you may be exhausting yourself with all the work and cant focus on get sexually aroused. You may need to find someone your speed because if you cant handle him always wanting it he will find someone that will eventually.

Answer 15

Watch some p**n, that shall do the trick