How do I rekindle feelings for my wife?

Question

We have been married many years. I find myself getting my emotional gratification (not physical) from other women I interact with, and not from her. I want to honor her, and get and give everything I should from her and with her - but I just don't FEEL it. What can I do?

Answer 1

Just think that adultery could give you a feelinmg of guilt for your wife.  I don't beleive that you will not feel guilty if you cheated on her.  You talk to her what you want and be more closer to her.  Go for a vacation with her alone, May help you.

Answer 2

For some reason you married her many years ago. What was that reason.

If youv'e been married for many years maybe you have children.

I've been married for 30 yrs. I have experienced the same thing. I find that if I meditate (think) on a thing I can find it anywhere. Maybe you should try to think again why you loved and married your wife, good things you both experienced or enjoy, cherishing her and the lives you spent togeher.

Sometimes I don't want to share things with my wife because... I already know her response? I want to keep a emotion or idea a secret?

The truth is your wife probably loves you and endures some things about you as well.

I think if we will stop focusing on the other relationship and emotionaly re-kindle the relationship with the wife at home we would be better off.

Now days people want things so fast, and we are so willing to throw away things that were once valuable. Including standards of living set upon us by our beliefs and an older culture.

Not sure if this made any sense to yo but i encourage you to get to know your wife again and set aside those feelings that could hurt you and her.

Answer 3

You are getting emotional gratification from other women NOT your wife.

You don't think that she feels that? You don't think that you are taking away her emotions for you by having these emotional connections (i.e. affairs?)

If you want to rekindle the feelings for your wife then you MUST eliminate your distractions, your leaning posts and your mistresses.

When we fall in love with someone (normally) we don't fall right into bed with them. There is a physical attraction but it is the emotional support and nurturing that lets us see past their beer belly, bald head, fat thighs or giant ears.

When you seek...not get but S E E K that emotional support from someone other than your wife, you both feel it. It affects everything in the home then. The dinner conversation, the s*x, the way you raise your kids, the way you both keep your physical appearances, the way you clean your home.

You can have a support system. Buddies, family, counselors, clergy but your main support system MUST be your spouse. First.

If its other WOMEN that you are getting your emotional support from and you are SERIOUS about becoming a whole husband again I suggest STRONGLY that you eliminate your contact with them for a while.

Tell them, I really appreciate our friendship and you have been a pillar for me but I need to focus on my home.

If they are TRULY your friends they will understand and be there when you need them. If they are just homewrecking pigs then you have done your wife and marriage even more damage and you should RUN from these "women".

Today. Start today.

Call your "pals" and let them know that you will be M.I.A. and to have a nice rest of summer and fall.

Then... look into your wife's eyes. Take her in your arms and tell her how beautiful she is (even if you don't see it anymore). Ask her what is going on in her life. Do something with the family today. Keep touching your bride and nibbling her ear at the playground.

When she asks what got into you. Tell her, "You did. I realized that I really like you and we haven't had a lot of time together. I don't want to be your room mate... I want to be your LOVER, your man, your confidant, your best friend, your playmate."

Now... hopefully she will respond positively. If she doesn't..then realize that you have stolen more from her than you may have realized. Maybe she has sought out emotional connections as well and she will need to dispose of those in order for this to work.

Depending on how deeply your emotional connections are to your

"outside influences" you both may need to consider a relocation to another state to start over.

But .. for now... sign off your computer and go to your wife. your bride. your lover. your confidant. your best friend. your future. your world.  

Answer 4

Why do you seek emotional gratification from other women?

There must be a reason.  Are you not receiving the emotional gratification you need from your wife?  You need to analyze this and you may find the foundations for your behavior.

Answer 5

One person is not going to meet ALL the relationship needs of another person.  That is why there are friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances-- you get the picture.   Figure out what your wife is able to share with you that enriches your relationship and work together on increasing that.   Be careful of making ONE  other person , especially of the opposite s*x, your good friend--- that can lead to romance and end your marriage -- get More friends!!

Answer 6

Start by not hanging out with other women that is a distraction from your wife.

Answer 7

I give you credit for asking for help before making the mistake of having an affair.  Start dating her again.  Make things fun and interesting.  Most times people don't "water" their relationships and let life intrude into their marriage.  Make it a point to go on a date 2x's a month.  Whether its out or something fun you do in your home.  Start counseling, church, marriage conferences anything you can do to get back your wife.  Please distance yourself from any women you are getting gratification from.  That is playing with fire!  Oh, and find each other's love language.  This can be done.

Answer 8

If you remember your marriage vows, you should know that love is not a feeling, it's a committment. What you're lacking is an understanding of what love really is.  You've spent many years with the same woman. She stuck with you for all that time in spite of yourself. That counts for a lot. Love is what people do over time.  It's not something a person can fall in or out of.  Once love gets you, it's a permanent part of you.

You obviously love your wife or you wouldn't have married her.  She's still the same wonderful person who swept you off your feet. All you have to do is realize the treasure you have at home.  Yes, other women will always get your attention, but there's only one who believes you not only walk on water, but you created the water you're walking on.