How do I relate to a child that is obsessed with video games and chinese food?

Question

I am not exaggerating when I say that 90% of what comes out of my son's mouth is about video games and Chinese food. He is obsessed with both. He is Bipolar and has ADHD. He is on medication and it seems to work. But I hate video games, I think they are a waste. They do not entertain me and I just HATE hearing about them. Also, my son wont eat anything unless it is some sort of Asian food. My 10 year old and I have NOTHING in common and when I try to engage in other converstaion, he gets mad. He wants to talk about chinese food and video games or wont talk at all. I will ask him if he wants to go play outside and he will say, "Oh, I could run around like the character in..blah blah blah." It wont end and I feel like a horrible mom for not wanting to even talk to him anymore. What do I do?????

Answer 1

Don't talk - listen. Even if you want your eyeballs to fall out and your ears to drop off in boredom - listen. Not every minute of the day, but some of the day.

You are going to have to meet him half way at the very least seeing as you are his parent and he depends on you for his sense of well being. The lucky thing is you do have a starting point  - the things he is interested in. You have to start from where he is because he is a child and doesn't understand adult things.

If when you say play outside and he says, I  could run around like the character in.... - go out and run round with him! PLAY with him, even for a while each day. (Even if your eyeballs are dropping out with boredom, remember, and try and look like you're enjoying yourself...!)

As for food, it's a brilliant way to connect. Ask him what he'd like to eat - yes Asian food you know that already! - and plan the meal together, find out recipes together, let him tell you things, find out together, buy the stuff cook and eat it together. Wash the dishes together!! (Ok one step at a time!!!)

It will end because everything does - you're not 10 anymore are you? You don't do the things you did then. Give your lad some time while you can, before the time's gone and you don't have the chance to.

Answer 2

well you could either start talking about videogames and chines food yourself or you should start being a parent. take control take it away from him he'll cry but day by day he`ll learn your his mother. and dont worry not alot of grownups have alot in comming with 10yr olds. but if hes bipolar why dont you start listening to him bout videogames you cant just shut him off

Answer 3

Good grief! Take away the video games. Buy him some action figures and cars so he can play and use his imagination, buy him some art supplies, send him outside to play and think of things to do or play with other kids his age.

Introduce him to new foods. Pizza? Mexican? American? Make regular dinners and make him eat what's there.

Arrange family nights. Play board games or read a book with him. Even if it's comic books it's better than video games all the time.

Answer 4

Grab the spare controller and pass the won tons.

Answer 5

Lol, this is kind of funny. I gave it a star.

Answer 6

I love beetlemama1970's answer!  As a Mom it's hard to not try to be involved and share what's going on with your 10 year old.  There are different video games.  I love Brain Age, Brain Academy and I want to try Professor Layton - they're all puzzle type games vs the action adventure.  We love Pacman fever 2.  The library might have games you can borrow and try for free.  Give some a try.   Does he like the Chinese culture or just the food?  If you wear a shirt with a panda or something with a chinese character, would he stop and notice you at all?  Could you branch into the Chinese style along with the food?  These obsessions will pass.  It might be a few weeks or a year.  It feels like eternity though and I wish you the best.

Answer 7

Do his obsessions change after time? My brother is Autistic and most of the time his obsessions though quite intense for even long periods of time eventually change.

I like the idea of cooking the food with him. And also the one about the Wii. I despise video games myself and have no tolerance for them it is something my kids do with their dad LOL but I have really enjoyed the Wii, the Wii Sports is a lot of fun like someone stated. We play them as a family. There is bowling and tennis and other sports. It would be a good way to relate to him with video games. Even now I play the Wii with my kids because it is a way for me to be a part of that piece of their lives, and they always think it is so great I am finally playing a video game. I do have strict limits on their game time though and honestly we always end up laughing when we play together.

I do remember my brother talking and talking about things and wanting to bang my head in the wall LOL But that is just the way he is even now at 32. It is just  the way they are and you just have to learn to tolerate it and find other ways to connect. It is really hard for people with Autism or bi-polar to change their ways, it is not as hard for us to change ours.

I work as an EA at an elementary school and last year I worked in 4th grade and I have to say at least half the boys in the class were obsessed with video games, everything they wrote or talked about was video games, so some of it I think is typical for his age.

You could also tell him we can talk about video games for 15 minutes then we need totalk about ____ for 15 minutes. Even put things (your ideas) to talk about in a jar or something and have him draw it out, use a timer if needed and maybe you can get him to vary a little in his conversations. If he gets mad tell him he needs to be considerate of you the same way you are of him. Bi-polar and adhd or not he has to learn that other peoples wants and needs are important as well.

Answer 8

BE THE ADULT, GENIUS!

Answer 9

Children with those types of disorders love video games because they are very strictly governed and they have absolute rules - you drive over the edge, the game is over. The rules are a lifeline for kid that need that bit of extra control in their lives, they know the rules and they feel safe playing them, nothing changes, the guy is behind door two all the time, the secret passage is on the left wall, the red stuff will kill you when you stand in it. It's absolute order in what can feel like chaos.

Video games are not a bad thing, but maybe he would play a sport that has very firm rules that can not be broken? Try to interest him in watching and maybe playing a very disciplined sport, maybe a martial art? Saying he could be like the character in (whatever) maybe wouldn't be so bad, and it would get some energy going and get him away from sitting in front of a screen.

As far as Chinese food goes, well, it's an interest, a hobby even...maybe he would like to try cooking it with you instead of just eating it and talking about it? Perhaps the key here is steering an inappropriate obsession towards an appropriate one.  If he likes cooking it, maybe it would be ok to have it in your lives if it appeared to have a purpose and wasn't just "that thing he always talks about".

If it works out cooking it, maybe he would learn to cook other things too? then you could have a helper and at the same time teach him about food and nutrition.

Answer 10

How about you limit his access to video games and get him into other activities?  That's your fault, not his.

Answer 11

see if you can take him to the park or take him shopping with you.  rent some movies maybe he'd like to watch.  tell him that we cant have chinese food tonight because (make up an excuse like the restaurant closed or if you cook then you ran out of ingredients)  and we can have it next time but how about macroni and cheese or pizza or hamburgers.  give him some suggestions or have him give you some other than chinese.

Answer 12

Try doing more things with him. Get involved. Limit his access to his video games to about four days a week for an hour and a half. And slowly decrease the limit. Or when he's playing, you could always act interested, and play too! You're the adult, you need to start setting some rules. If he wants Chinese, make up an excuse. Say not tonight, I don't have the money, or they closed early. Go to the movies with him, ask him what he wants to see. Try baking your own healthy dishes with him. And get some games you like, say, "Tell you what, if you want to play your video games, then I have to like them too!"

Answer 13

are u sure it is ADHD and not Aspergers syndrome?    many with aspergers syndrome are misdiagnosed with ADHD  and even more of those had a co-diagnosis of both ADHD and Bipolar disorder.     ( including me  I was diagnosed ADHD at age 8 and Bipolar disorder and age 13  at age 17 it was determined I actually have Aspergers Syndrome.) (im 18 now) The main two symptoms of Aspergers's Syndrome is obsessive restrictive interests  and also impared social skills  

I am not saying he  definately has Aspergers because I do not know your child  but because the symptoms sound similar I  reccomend you at least looking into information about Asperger's Syndrome.        There are many sites with information about this .    Please look into it

Answer 14

Why would an adult expect to have any common interests with a child?  Do you think he would enjoy hearing about politics and foreign debt relief?

If he only eats Chinese food, then feed him healthy dishes.

If he only plays video games, give him the educational ones.

Why should you be obligated to talk about these things?  They are his interests.  Let him have them.

Answer 15

if he likes that stuff so much try to make it enjoyable for both like have him help you cook Chinese food at home from there move to other foods that are similar yet from a different culture.

As for video games set up like obstacle courses and stuff like that around your house he may like the idea of working towards a goal like in video games. Set it up together. Whatever he is trying to reach has to be a prize he would want.

You should also limit video game time to like an hour a day, he can earn extra time by doing things around the house or whatever but no more than an extra hour. Try to convince him to break the time. Half hour now and the other after dinner or however he decides.

hope that helped.

Answer 16

Thats wierd, and not to be rude but you should take him to a counsellor...

Answer 17

wow you have a wierd kid and my lil bro is like that too he cant stop obsessing bout chiken nuggets and ben ten he has like every  character in a toy in a box and hes like 6 he gats really mad if some1 touches em =[[

Answer 18

maybe do some research on some the things his into, or mayber you can ask him to explain it to you if there are things you dont understand. for the food part, maybe just have like one special day a week for it as a special treat.

Answer 19

Unplug the video game system and remove it from your home if you hate it.  YOU are the parent it is up to YOU to decide what comes into your home or not regardless of whether your son is Bi-Polar and has ADHD.  If he doesn't want to talk about anything but Chinese food then don't engage him in conversation...There problem fixed.

Answer 20

Consider buying a Wii. It is family friendly, open to many players and has many fun and interesting games. My mom (hates playing games) loves Wii sports so I am sure you two can get along with that game. It comes with a new Wii btw.