How do I resolve this between my fiance and family?

Question

To make a long story short my family and my fiance haven't gotten along since the beginning, me and my fiance and both young and she got pregnant before we got a chance to know each other. We are finally working things out but now the next conflict is my family. I get along great with hers. The latest situation is my family wants to take family pics of "the generations" but they don't want to include boyfriends or girlfriends only wives or husbands. When my mom told me about this i knew it would be a problem because they wanted only me and my son and step son in the pic, I didn't feel right about the idea, not that were just excluding only my girl but anyone that has kids together but isn't married, my mom also wants a separate pic of me, my fiance and kids, and my sister and her boyfriend and my niece, I don't have a problem with that its just the main pic, I feel like why can't everyone who has a family be in the pic? Am I wrong or what is their point of view? This is stressing me out and I don't want to forget about my family but I do have my own family now, My uncle who lives out of state and has an open mind says he would just take the pics, not put my emotions in it and try to look at it as a way to start over with all the tension, I don't agree with the pic though, am I over reacting? Or should I just take this picture? I know it will cause more problems with me and my fiance, and I told her I wasn't going to take it, but what would you do?

Answer 1

Ask them whats wrong with them together  

Answer 2

you're over reacting.  Your parents are willing to have a picture of your fiance, you and the child together.  

They are asking for a generations picture and they are being fair by not letting any unmarried partners be in the picture.  If they were specifically not allowing your fiance in the picture but letting other unmarried partners in the picture then you would have something to complain about.

They are also telling you that they view certain relationships as permanent and worthy of certain perks and privileges and other relationships as temporary.  once you and your fiance are married then they will view your relationship with her as permanent, until then GFs and BFs come and go--even when they have children with their partners.

Talk to your parents about this some more.  Just you and them alone.  let them clarify their rationale to you.  I'm willing to bet money that they will say something along the lines of "when you're ready to take your relationship seriously then so will we."  They are another generation and they have certain standards and expectations that they probably  would have prefered you live up to but didn't.  Just accept that is who they are and don't let it bother you if that isn't how you want to live your life.

edit:

I'm sorry, I missed that they had her son in the picture for the generations picture.  Is that child a blood relative to your family (a cousin or something?)  If he isn't then they just blew the logic of generations picture.

Call her on it and then just limit your time with them.  Don't stress over it--just accept them as they are and limit your exposure to them.  And if they ask you why you are not spending as much time with them then tell them that they have made your fiancee feel unwelcome and you don't see any reason to expose her and your son to a hostile environment.  If they don't start treating her better for the sake of seeing their grandson then you know where their priorities are.

Answer 3

its kind of complicated... if you really love and plan on being with your fiancee for the rest of you life and you think she is worth fighting for to be in a family photo then i'd go for it. it would be sad to look back in 5 years and she would see herself excluded from the family, it could keep things awkward. maybe have a serious talk with your parents about how much your fiancee means to you and to try and act mature.. OR maybe speak to your fiancee and see if she really cares enough to rock the boat and get in on the picture... in my opinion though i think it is stupid for your mother to be exclusive... its a freaken picture. maybe take one with her and one without her as a compromise

Answer 4

Assuming you are at least 18... consider it a not-so-subtle hint to legitimize your union.

If you want to halt the static, consider hauling the GF down to the local county courthouse and getting the civil wedding ceremony. Come back to a planned cake-and-punch reception. You will find a shift in the dynamic as a result... and you are showing your people that your girl isn't going anywhere.

Families are formed by marriages, not by "hook-ups".

Marriage is cheap, and is a good way to show you are serious about your commitment. Your girl and kid(s) need the protection of that marriage certificate.

If the marriage does not work out, divorces are cheap... you are already on the hook for child support.

Answer 5

Take the picture,your mom just want a family picture and ur fiance will be in another picture so i say take the picture

Answer 6

Well, if ONLY family blood has to be in the photo, I recommend draining the poor kid of 50% of his blood.  She does not deserve a grandson, he's too innocent to be exposed to her twisted mind.

Answer 7

you want her in the pic, your engaged, you already have a family. why not just get married. i understand only wanting married couples in the pic, because boyfriends and girlfriends could just break up and go their seperate ways, this pic is going to passed down in the family and what are people going to say when they point out your fiancee and say "who is that". they'er going to say, "oh thats so and so's ex girlfriend." what are you waiting on as far as getting married anyway. my husband and i got married one afternoon at the courthouse. no we never had the big wedding and all that jazz, but hes my husband and im his wife and none of our children were born in wedlock thats more important than any