How do I revise the following sentences to eliminate errors in grammar and usage?

Question

1. The number of students surveyed that worked more than 20 hours a week was 60%.

2. Not everyone is promoted after six months some people might remain in the training program a year before being moved to a permanent assignment.

3. The present solutions that has been suggested are not adequate.

4. At times while typing and editing, the text on your screen may not look correct.

5. All employees are asked to cut back on energy waste by the manager.

6. The benefits of an online catalog are

1. We will be able to keep records up-to-date;

2. Broad access to the catalog system from any networked terminal on campus;

3. The consolidation of the main catalog and the catalogs in the departmental and branch libraries;

4. Cost savings.

7. You can take advantage of several banking services. Such as automatic withdrawal of a house or car payment and direct deposit of your pay check.

8. As a freshman, business administration was intriguing to me.

9. Thank you for the help you gave Joanne Jackson and myself.

10. I now from my business experience that good communication among people and departments are essential in running a successful corporation.

Answer 1

1. 60% of the students surveyed worked more than 20 hours a week.

2. Most people are promoted to a permanent assignment within six months but some remain in the training program for up to twelve months (not completely sure here).

3. a) The presently suggested solutions are not adequate or b) The presently suggested solultion is not adequate (if there's only one solution suggested).

4. While typing and editing, sometimes the text may not appear correctly.

5. The manager asked all employees to cut back on energy waste.

6. The benefits of an online catalog are: 1) Records will be kept up-to-date, 2) Catalog system is accessible from any networked campus terminal, 3) The main catalog and the departmental and branch libraries' catalogs are consolidated, 4) Cost savings.

7. Banking services available include automatic withdrawal of car and mortgage/rent payments and direct deposit of paychecks (not totally sure).

8. Business administration intrigued me as a freshman.

9. Thank you for helping Joanne Jackson and myself.

10. From my business experience, I have learned that good communication among people and departments is essential in running a successful corporation (use "is" because communication is your subject (what's important), not people or departments, and communication is singular).  Or, I have learned from my business experience that good communication among people and departments is essential in running a successful corporation.