How do I save my family?

Question

When I was 8 my mother had a baby with this guy, let's call him "this guy", and they have been together ever since. I have watched my mother endure so much from this man from physical, emotional and verbal abuse to plain abandonment. Since I was 8 I haven't told my mom that this man was making me take drugs and sexually abusing me. He raped me while she was gone and I had ran away because I didn't know what to do. I came back home but I never told my mom because I saw her enduring her abuse and I couldn't bare the possibility that she might not believe me. I stayed with her helping her take care of my brothers, she had four kids with this man. I have another brother and this guy physically abused him and taunted him calling him "g*y" since he was a child. This guy is also a drug and alcohol abuser. I am now an adult and a mother myself but I have watched this man destroy my family.My mother suffers from depression and he has left her and the kids. He left them in a broken down home and refused to help them with bills plus taking their furniture and appliances from them and he even cut the cables from the washing machine so that she couldn't watch her kids clothes. He doesn't work either and if he does he works under the table so when she took him to court for child support he was only obliged to pay $180 dollars a month for all the kids. They live in Trinidad and he can't go to the states because he owes her $30,000 of child support and if they find him he will be arrested. But he wont give her permission to leave to the states because it wouldn't benefit him.

I want to tell my mother about everything but it's because I want this guy to finally pay for all the wrong that he has done.The problem is that I think I waited too long and she might not believe me. I want his guy to pay and I want my mom and her kids to be free from him and I think this is the only way. If I go to court will my testimony even be formidable? Is there a way my mom can leave to the states? Will she be in danger of losing her other children if she tells all this?

They have never married but my mom hasn't spoken bad of him because of her kids and she hasn't told this in court because she's afraid she might lose the kids.

Answer 1

OMG, he is bad, Tell your mom, and the cops. They'll believe you if you cry. Take your mom into your home, or do somthing nice for her that she'll love.  

Answer 2

Tell your mother what has happened  but FIRST REALIZE, your MOTHER DESERVES whatever she has gotten from this man because SHE CHOSE to maintain this sick relationship.

She has allowed you and her other kids to suffer because SHE didn't want to be without a man.This makes her EQUALLY as evil knowing what he is and NOT doing ANYTHING about it.

You and your brother need to file charges against this man to protect your other siblings and see if you can get hima good long stretch in prison.Tell him he will probably be g*y before he gets out,especially when the other inmates find out what he is in there for.

Answer 3

I sense a " troll "

An 8 year old wouldn't be able to keep a secret like this for this amount of time.

Raped actually do happen though, so this isn't funny.

Grow up !

Answer 4

You should tell not only your mother but also the police! And it wouldn't only be your testimony, how about your brothers..especially the one he also sexually abused. You have to get this out in the open before you can heal from this. And this man needs to pay for what he has done not only to you but your whole family. Please talk about this with your mom, if she does not listen talk to the police. Make this man suffer like he made all of you.  Speaking out of what has happen to you will help you in every way.  Please be strong and make it right!

My prayer go out to you and your family!

Answer 5

This really must have deprived you of your childhood especially being eight when all of this has happened. And it doesn't sound like you had a good relationship with your mother in the first place if you weren't able to confide in her about something so grave at such a young age.I don't know whether you can prove your allegations but if you can't it's your word against his. I know it's not something you want to hear but you might have had a better opportunity to prevent the current situation if you had spoken up back then. It could have been with a teacher or another parent but it is perfectly understandable for a child who was robbed of his/her innocence to be confused and not know how to handle a situation like this. I'm a psychology student and from my personal opinion if you tell your mom now she might go into a deeper depression or possibly a breakdown and that wouldn't be healthy for the children especially in a custody battle. I'm not condoning for you to keep your secret but I doubt now is the time. The best advice I can give is that you consult an attorney, update him/her on the past and present situation and have him/her find the best way of having this guy imprisoned without risking your mother's chances of custody. The reason I say this is because your mother has also played a big role in endangering her children's lives whether it be mental or physical.I truly in my heart hope that you and your family surpass this situation and that you obtain counseling for all of you.

Answer 6

get a lawyer! and tell your story to the world. from what you've said, you haven't done anything wrong, so all the odds are in your favor...good luck!

Answer 7

Yes you can tell your mother but not right now.  She's in a bad place, mentally and physically.  All of your family needs to get away from "him."  NOW

The links provided are for Domestic Abuse hotlines and referrals