How do I say Happy birthday to someone who just lost there child.

Question

My brother in laws Birthday is coming up and I need to know if I should just send a card say sending warm wished for you on your birthday or more something like. I know your son is watching over you on this wonderful birthday. My sister and her husband just lost there first son at 16 years old a month ago. there birthday and anniversaries are back to back. They are celebrating these for the first time without there first son. I know it has to be hard but need some help in wanting to know how to say happy birthday when they don't even get to say this to there son who died so early.

Please help me in deciding on what to say. There son died Happy with a smile on his face he just had a rare heart condition that they didn't know of untill after he died. They thought he died of pnumoniah. its a hard thing to say to somone you love so much. And know they are in great pain.

Answer 1

That's so sad. Maybe something like, "Thinking of you on your special day. Know that you are in our hearts and prayers." Simple and caring. I doubt that any congratulatory expressions would make a difference, but showing some compassion would be appreciated.

Answer 2

Honestly, I'm not sure I would send him a card saying anything like that. I think most people who are grieving don't want to hear the "pretty" mumbo jumbo c**p that comes in a Hallmark card. Maybe just a phone call...or maybe just extend yourself to help them in some way. Or instead of a card, how about sending them a service to help with cleaning the house, or make them a meal...something they dont have to worry about while they are still in the grief process.  

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your family's loss.  I don't think I'd send a birthday card, but perhaps one that says something to the effect of "thinking of you on this day."  Sometimes the blank ones are the best.

Answer 4

Why not just “Happy Birthday?” I know you mean well, but I wouldn’t bring up the son. He knows about his loss and doesn’t need to be reminded.

My dad passed away when I was 5 weeks pregnant. As I’ve been sharing my news, people have actually said stuff like “Did he know?” or “He’s watching over you now.” I appreciate the thought, but I don’t really like associating that sad event with this happy one.  

Answer 5

How sweet and thoughtful you are.

This is really a call for YOu to make.

If you FEEL like saying more, say more. Tell him you love him and hope his day is special.

This is the best time in the world to tell your b-i-l how you feel about him and his family.

This is a very difficult time for all of you and I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

I don't think its so much as sending a card for there birthday but letting them know that u were thinking of them . Maybe say something to the effect that you've been thinking of them a lot at this time and just wanted to let them know that .

I feel for the parents and its got to be hard to lose a child at anytime of the year let alone near a time that is suppose to be special.Hopefully in time it gets easier and they look upon the occasion as one to remember happy times and times shared .

Answer 7

i think what you wrote would be good. As long as it is sincere, any show of support is good. the most important thing is to not let your anxiety over saying the wrong thing get int he way of saying something. It doesn't have to be a long lettersupport